In the Times of Love and Violence
by wurd-god
Summary: Relocating to Toronto's SRU Team One, she never realized the trials and tribulations that she would face trying to find her spot in the team nor the things she'd feel for one of her new teammates. Spike/OC
1. The Stirrings of Change

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. _

_**A**__ll changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.__ — __Anatole France_

_Hello everyone! In case you are wondering, I took what I love about Flashpoint and ran with it, leaving the undesirables (if there are any) behind. This is around mid-season Two, after Lou dying but no other female SRU members (aside from Jules) are on the team._

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter One**

**The Stirrings of Change**

"_Five…four…three—cut the damn wire, Addison." _

She ignored the commanding voice in her ear and focused on a yellow and a red; sweat pooling on her forehead as she concentrated, unaware of everything and anything but the two wires and her wire cutter in her hand. She forced her hand to steady, cutting the yellow wire close to the bomb and wiped her free hand across her forehead.

"It's done." She said into the microphone attached to her ear, still crouched near the duffel bag. She heard the slight, electric hum from the lights above, why anyone wanted to blow up an insurance office building was beyond her. She understood the mechanics and the why the suspect had wanted to plant a bomb in the office but it didn't make it any less illogical.

"_Then get the hell out of there and report to the sergeant. He's waiting for you in trailer." _One of her teammates said.

"Thanks, Suits." She murmured back to her teammate. She stood up and brushed off the dirt from her standard-uniform grey pants and left the duffel for the officers to grab. After graduating university with a BA in criminology and offender profiling, she had then joined the army, excelling in sniping until she had been recruited by CSIS, the Canadian Security Intelligence Service where she continued with her career until she had met her current sergeant. He had offered her a position on his team in the Vancouver's Strategic Response Unit, or the SRU and she took it. She had been damn lucky to have such an advantageous career and she had cemented herself within Team Two, becoming a part of the Vancouver's SRU family. That had been almost two years ago, and she never regretted anything. The team's sergeant, Dave Boreas had cryptically told her that if any other SRU team in Canada were understaffed, the higher up on the chain of command would send out the resumes of the team members to the ones in need. She had assured him that she had no family, which was partially true, and that moving across the country would be of little consequence to her.

"It's up there, be gentle and don't jostle it too much." She told an officer as she passed him on the stairwell as she descended the building.

"I thought you dismantled it." He called after her.

She stopped in mid-jog and stared up at him, "I did but I wouldn't recommend throwing it over your shoulder, the sulfuric acid could still leak and that stuff burns like hell." She said, turning back and continued her descent. She still remembered the burning when the first bomb she had dismantled had ruptured its contents on her shirt, seeping and burning its way to her stomach. It was a firing pain she had never encountered and hoped never to encounter again.

She nodded to one of her teammates, the one that she was probably the closest to, "Everything good?" She asked, both of them walking briskly to the trailer that was residing across the parking lot.

Suits nodded, "Contained and suspect is on his way to be booked. Are you good?"

She shrugged, "There's nothing like the buzz you get after dismantling a bomb that could take a building down."

He rolled his eyes, "I don't know why that is one of your specialities, Addie."

She smirked, "I have many, at least I'm not a less-lethal weapons specialist."

They stopped outside the trailer and he nodded to her, "Catch a beer later?"

"Depends." She retorted.

"On what?" He asked, his hands resting on his rifle that rested on his shoulder.

She bared her teeth, "If I'm in trouble or not." She entered the trailer, Suits' quiet laughter emanating from behind her.

"You wanted to see me, Sergeant?" She asked, her back straight as she stared at him, waiting.

"Good job out there." He commented.

She nodded, "Thank, boss." Addison waited, Sergeant Boreas had a propensity to ruminate for many a minutes, all of them in pure silence and she did not want to step in and insert her foot in her mouth if she said something out of line.

"Bennett—", he sighed and for the first time, Addison felt a trickle of unease slither down her spine, "Toronto's SRU is looking for a member to fill their ranks."

She waited, unsure if she had heard him right or not, "Sir? There was no mention on the bulletin board."

He nodded, "I just got word of it last night and our Chief personally recommended you."

Addison locked her knees: she knew she had a pretty interesting resume but damn it, Toronto? She was just warming up to Vancouver…maybe she had heard wrong. "Why did he do that?" She asked.

Boreas smirked, sometimes the kid never really realized how much of an asset she was and damn it all, he'd miss her. "You're one of the best snipers in the West, a damn great crisis negotiator, you have a degree in profiling, you analyse information and you specialize in close quarters combat and demolition. Quite frankly, I would never have thought it possible to have someone as young as you are be so…talented. You're a prodigy and an asset to the Canadian government."

She snorted under her breath, "A prodigy in law enforcement? No offence sir, but I don't think that's something to be proud of." She had rebutted everything in her head when Boreas had listed off her qualifications: quite frankly, she could easily list on one hand that was better than her on her team. Suits, Toad, Clay, Gabe…the list could go on forever. Maybe it was the fact that out of everyone on the team, she was the only single and unattached one with no family. As far as the Canadian government were concerned, she was utterly alone and she would rather them think that than know the truth.

He waved away her comment, "You're starting in two weeks. That should give you enough time to relocate over there."

Addison shut her gaping jaw, had she no say? As soon as she thought that, she realized she didn't. She had learn from the beginning of her career that little choice were given to the operatives…she had known getting into tactical that she'd be travelling a lot. It just meant she'd have to start again in a different city. But Toronto was the closest she'd ever been to her hometown and that meant she'd be near her blood relations, the last time she'd ever been that close was when she had turned seventeen. She'd survived and overcome when she was younger and she damn well would overcome now.

She listened and nodded when as he detailed her new job, "We'll miss you, Bennett."

Addison stared at her sergeant and nodded, stepping closer to him and hugging him. He could reprimand her all he wanted; she'd miss the old bard as well. "Thank you sir." She didn't bother mentioning that if it weren't for him, she'd still be slightly unhappy working in CSIS and she would have never meant the wonderful people she'd come to love over the past two years. She pulled away, thumped him on the arm and stepped out of the trailer, absorbing every detail around her. She'd taken the team for granted: she'd never properly thanked Gabe every time he brought her a latte, she never thanked Toad when he would buy her dinner; hell, she'd miss them.

"You good?" She heard a warm voice ask.

She glanced up and saw Clay saunter towards her, "Yeah…just found out I'm leaving."

Clay straightened up and a shadow passed over his face, "You better tell me what you mean before I kick down that trailer door and demand what the hell boss is thinking."

She smirked: yeah, she'd miss this, "Toronto's SRU had a spot open on one of their teams."

He shrugged, "How is that our problem?"

She shoved him with her elbow, "The chief personally recommended me."

Clay whistled, "Well damn girl, that's impressive." He made a sound, "I don't like it, in fact, this is probably one of the worst ideas ever but…it's a smart move."

She nodded, "You're going to help me pack?"

"Beer and pizza?"

"Of course." She retorted.

"Then count us all in. You up to telling the guys?" He asked pushing away from the trailer.

She shook her head, "You go ahead, you're the calm one." He patted her head and walked off, smirking when she cursed at him. She walked towards the team's SUV and found Suits waiting for her.

"So…are we going out tonight?" He asked, unaware of her impending move.

"How do you feel about helping me pack instead?"


	2. The Roundabout Way of Growing

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. _

_**Y**__ou have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give.__ — __Eleanor Roosevelt_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Two**

**The Roundabout Way of Growing Upside-down **

Ignoring the sounds of the inevitably chaotic airport, Addison bent down and grabbed her suitcases; thankful for once that she had listened to her former teammates and had sent her other things ahead. She had lived a nomadic, gypsy life; so moving hadn't been that big of a feat. She shoved her suitcases on the cart and tried to catch her bearings: she couldn't remember the last time she had been in Toronto: in the past, she had usually skipped over the city and now…she had a job and an apartment to move into in the same place she swore she'd never settle down in.

She carted her things through the airport, trying not to criticize the city, though she biased. She was so used to being in a city that had sky and greenery whereas Toronto was in sharp contrast to that. She shrugged and hunted down the rental car Clay had been kind enough to see to; she couldn't wait for Christmas, she'd take some time off and go back to Vancouver to visit the guys.

The last week had been maudlin for her, packing at night and working with the guys during the day. Near the end of the week, they'd all been pretty miserable but they couldn't change the decision, even if she secretly hoped they could. It was just something she had to mantle and she would, this was the career she had chosen and she'd do her damnedest in the new team. She had one week left to move into her new apartment, see if she could muster up the energy and get a new car, hit up the gym and get a new membership; though on Monday she had to go to the station and check in for orientation and testing. She sighed, her eyes finally finding her rental, she unlocked the trunk and threw her suitcases in: she was starting over in a place where she had buried more metaphoric skeletons and secrets than a morgue had.

She followed the directions she had printed off from the Internet to her apartment, ignoring the memories that came back to life as she passed by places she recognized, her former sergeant hadn't given her any information about the new job, all he had deigned it important to mention was that she'd be a part of "Team One" and that had been it.

Addison parked the car in her designated parking spot and got out, staring up at the giant brick building, _welcome home, _she darkly thought to herself. She felt a vibration in her pocket and pulled out her phone, "Hey."

"So…how is it?" She heard Suits' slightly anxious voice.

She smiled, pulling her suitcases out of the trunk, "I just got to my apartment." She explained, hoping he'd get the idea and give her time to settle in.

But that wasn't to be, "Awesome, I'll get to hear your every thought on your new apartment."

She snorted, "Great." She acidly commented, lugging her bags into the building and hitting the elevator button.

"You do realize that me leaving means you guys are going to need someone else from a different team fill in the gap." She commented.

She heard a shrug in his voice, "Not really, boss is thinking about hiring fresh meat."

Addison rolled her eyes and stepped off of the elevator onto the sixth floor, "how does it look so far?" Suits asked her.

"Well, it looks clean, good security, nice lighting—" She said, listing all of the things she normally looked for when doing a walk-about with the team on a case.

She heard Suits laugh, "Addie, this is your new home, stop looking at it like a tactical member and let your mind rest."

She snorted, "I don't have time to rest, I have to check in on Monday for orientation and testing." Addison knew she didn't need to mention the fact that all new recruits had to go through a rigorous testing process to see if they were up to par with the team.

"Fine, but when you come visit for the holidays, I damn well am going to make you rest, and no ride-alongs!" He ordered.

Addison unlocked her apartment door and shoved the door open, "Great." She muttered under her breath.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing…just looks exactly like it did in the photo." She had hoped maybe it would look better in person but no such luck. "Look, I have to go, things to do and I definitely want to pick up a few things to make this place look more...homey." They said goodbye and she dumped her things by the door, slamming it shut behind her.

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Addison had spent better part of the day hunting down a reasonably priced used car, seeing no point in buying a new one when she didn't know how long she'd be staying, made sure the boxes she shipped with her valuables inside were still intact, returned the rental and now she had a small issue of getting a gym membership and maybe stopping at the store from some groceries. She stepped into the gym, her eyes flickering over the room as was the habit of all law enforcement agents and she knew from a glance that she had seen a few officers and one very small, petite brunette. She ignored the raucous from the gym's occupants and turned her attention towards the woman behind the desk, asking and paying for the membership.

Before leaving Vancouver she had made sure the apartment had been close to the station and the gym inadvertently had been close as well. It explained all of the black shirts of law enforcements brimming in the gym, "Thank you."

She tapped her hand on the desk and smiled at the woman in thanks. She turned around and bulldozed someone, knocking the person on the floor, "Shit, I'm sorry." She apologised, bending down to help the woman and realized it was no wonder the woman had fallen, she didn't even reach Addison's shoulders.

"Don't worry about it." The other woman excused, dusting herself off.

Addison shrugged, standing besides the very small woman not only made her feel like a barbarian but also like a giant. "I'm still sorry—I didn't see you."

The woman smiled genuinely, finding Addison's slight fluster amusing, "Seriously, honey, don't worry about it. I kind of knocked into you."

Addison squinted at the woman in mirth; there was something highly amusing about someone shorter than her using elderly endearments. "Okay, well, it was nice meeting you." She awkwardly stood there, hands shoved in her pockets; there was something about this small woman that made her want to hug her and protect her as though she were Addison's own cub.

The woman laughed and extended her hand, "I'm Julianna but please, call me Jules."

Addison took her hand and smiled, "Nice to meet you Jules. Addison or Addie. Call me whichever."

Jules smiled up at Addison, "I've never seen you around here."

She nodded, "Just moved here today."

"Seriously?" Jules' eyes bulged, "well, what are you doing at the gym? Shouldn't you be at home passing out by jet lag?"

She laughed, "I don't really get laugh, I mean, its only Vancouver, not that long of a flight." Jules nodded, "Plus, I have to get back into shape." She said, deciding it was easier saying a half-truth than the actual truth: she didn't feel like she had the energy to explain she had to get ready for testing on Monday.

Jules stared in awe at the woman, "Dude, you're in better shape than I am in."

She snorted in derision, "How about we agree to disagree?"

"Deal." Jules smirked.

Addison smiled, "Well, it was nice meeting you—are you on your way out?" She asked, taking note of Jules with a huge black duffel over her shoulders.

Jules nodded, "Pick up a pizza, buy some beer and go home and relax."

She smiled, "Sounds awesome."

"What about you?" Jules asked, walking alongside Addison.

Addison held the door for Jules before walking through, "Grocery, and maybe order some takeout and go to bed early." They both laughed silently when they realized that on a Saturday night, they'd rather stay at home and vegetate than go to town in heels. Addison waved goodbye and walked towards her car, leaving the gym's parking lot to find a grocery store.

She had filled an entire cart with things, her entire car brimming with white bags full of food and she made a quick mental note to never go grocery shopping again when she was hungry. She pulled into her parking stall at her apartment building forty-five minutes later and got out, grabbing as many white bags in one hand as she could manage, "Are you stalking me?" She heard a woman's voice call out to her from across the parking lot and glanced up.

She found Jules leaning against her car with a pack of beer in one hand and a pizza box in the other, a quizzical look on her face, Addison rolled her eyes, "I swear I'm not, honestly." She shouted back. She hefted bags in both hands and slammed her door shut with her foot. She walked towards the door, her key-card in between her fingers and flashed Jules with it.

Jules stared at the other woman and used Addison's card to swipe into the designated slot, the front door opening with a beep, "What floor are you on?" She asked.

Addison rolled her eyes in good humour, if it were the other way around; she'd have Jules arrested and then ask questions later, "The sixth."

"Okay, so you're not stalking me." Jules commented.

Addison laughed, "Can I have my card back?" She didn't bother asking Jules what floor she was on, in part, because she didn't really care and the other part because she honestly didn't want Jules suspicious of her anymore than she already was.

Jules handed her the card back and Addison went to the elevator, "See you around." She stepped into the elevator and said goodbye to Jules. She unlocked her apartment door and went to the kitchen, dumping all of her groceries on the floor, and went to the door to lock it.

Turning around she stared at her empty apartment with hands on her hips, feeling the lonely hope that came from new beginnings and the death of the ends. She wasn't even remotely tired and she still had so many things to do: she went to the kitchen and decided it was time to clean everything and put away her groceries. She felt elated and her stomach did a summersault in excitement; though she hated the reminders of the past, she was enlivened about the future.


	3. The Way of the Stubborn and Grieving

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. _

_**T**__hings alter for the worse spontaneously, if they be not altered for the better designedly. __— __Francis Bacon_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Three**

**The Way of the Stubborn and Grieving River**

Addison swung out of bed, stretching and yawning hugely, she had spent the rest of the weekend at the gym, jogging in the park and vegetating in her apartment. She glanced at the clock over her television and grimaced, she was always excited about starting a new job but she hated the testing aspect: she was due at the station in two hours. That would give her enough time to calm herself down and get ready to prove herself to the new team leaders.

She showered, braided her hair and twisted it into a bun, and stepped into a full black ensemble, making sure it was stretchy but still professional. It was standard, regulation clothes that her old tactical members wore under their vests and gear. She felt a pang and realized for the twentieth time that she really missed her old teammates but she shoved down the nostalgia. She had no time for feeling sorry for herself and waste away the hours lingering in nostalgias of yesterdays.

Grabbing her bag, she locked her apartment door and jogged down the stairs to her car, she would be early but she'd rather be early than late and ruin first impressions. She ignored the butterflies in her stomach and forced determination and steel into her blood, she'd do her damnedest to beat her personal best, which they probably had read in her file.

Addison drove mechanically, sharpening her mind on the impending tasks, she parked the car, reached over the seat and grabbed her duffel, locking and closing the door of the car with her foot. She stared up at the station; it certainly was a bit nicer than the one she was used to, she couldn't wait to relay that to the guys in her nightly email to them. Addison checked in with the officer at the desk and proceeded to the designated floor where she could check the paperwork and get a new picture and badge. Almost two hours passed before she stood in front of the two wooden doors, knowing that as soon as she pushed them open, her life would be irrevocably changed.

Addison squared her shoulders and pushed the doors open, absorbing everything and cataloguing what she observed. She heard some laughing and joking voices emanate from somewhere near her but saw no one except a bald man slowly walk towards her. He wasn't thin and lanky like her old boss but he was squarely built, and despite the hardness she saw in him, she could tell by his eyes that he was compassionate. He looked haggard, as though he was shouldering a great deal more than he was used to and she saw deep lines around his eyes; there was a quiet sadness to him and she quickly wondered whom she was replacing on the team and the circumstances that left the man in front of her looking so bereft.

He stood in front of her, extending his hand, "Sergeant Greg Parker."

She took his hand and shook it, not bothering to give her rank: they both knew she was a constable, why bother announcing it? She officially hadn't started work yet, so for now, she was just plain ole' Addie. "Addison Bennett, its nice to meet you sir."

He nodded, "Follow me, we can go through your orientation in my office and you can meet my second-in-command after. Him and I will be overseeing your testing."

Addison quietly nodded and followed him, her eyes flickering around, absorbing in her surroundings; laughter, a metal locker with ammunition and weapons, some offices, "So, I hear you come highly commended." Parker commented, motioning her to take a seat before closing the door behind her. 

She sat down, and forced down the urge to shrug, she found out in the military that shrugging was a sure way to give the worst impression of one's self. "I think the chief was just being polite." She cautiously said.

Parker leaned back in his chair, "And now you're being humble." He said more to himself than anything.

She tried not to frown, she knew when she was being profiled and Parker didn't even bother to hide the fact that he could read her…well, she could read him: he didn't really want her on the team. It had to do with the sadness in his eyes, as though he were hurt and didn't want to set himself up for the pain again. Damn it, she wasn't here to replace anyone and his or her memory, she was here to help. "I'm not being humble sir, you need someone on your team to alleviate the workload and the chief probably thought since I'm the only unattached one that it would be okay to send me here and help." She carefully explained, making sure not to mention the word, 'replace'.

Parker nodded, "And are you okay with being sent here?"

She forced herself to give a small, relaxed smile, "I love my job, sir and I love to learn. This is a great opportunity for me."

The door opened at her back and she saw Parker nod to whoever it was in the doorway, Addison forced herself not to slouch or glance at the newcomer. It was a test and she'd damn well prefer not to re-pack and have to go back to Vancouver in failure. Parker stood up and she followed suit, "Addison Bennett, this is Ed Lane."

She turned around and to her surprise, met a man with a shaved head: how many bald men were on the team? She shook his hand but didn't bother smiling, whereas Parker was steel and compassion, Ed was stern and unyielding. She could tell that this man rarely smiled and though he was tall and lanky, he could probably take her down with a finger. He had an unbending hardness to him, and his eyes not only were shadowed sadness but anger as well. She was in trouble. "Are you ready for your tests?" He asked in a commanding voice.

She nodded, "Good, we'll equip you with gear and a standard uniform, we'll be testing your marksmanship, your analytical skills…" He listed all of the tests she'd be forced to endure and realized that not only were they seeing if she were up to par but she somehow felt as though they were trying to find a reason not to have her become a part of the team. And for what seemed like the twelfth time that day, she cursed her former chief.

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Addison ignored the screaming in her arms, the pinpricks in her feet and the dull throbbing ache in her lower back: focusing only on the target below her. Sometimes she found it ironic and odd that she was terrified of heights but she was a sniper, and she learned the hard way to move past the constant nausea and focus on the target, "Right ear." Ed demanded, staring into binoculars as he ordered her to snipe what he announced below them on the target range. She pulled the trigger, hitting the dummy's right ear and settled herself, losing herself to the breeze, his voice and her target.

When Parker finally announced the sniping test was done, she put away her rifle and slowly got up, "So far she's passed with flying colours." She heard Parker murmur to Ed and when the stern, aloof man glanced over his shoulder at her, she busied herself with putting away the rest of her gear.

She followed behind them as they descended the building, "You leave a sweetheart behind?" Parker asked, trying to break the awkward silence that had befallen the trio.

Addison smirked to herself, "No, sir. Everything I have is with me here." She patted her new badge.

Ed snorted rudely, "No one is _that_ dedicated to the job." He muttered to himself.

Addison saw Parker shoot Ed a warning look, "Its good to balance work and a social life, Addison."

She bit back a grimace, she wasn't here to make friends: she was here to do a job until she could somehow find a way to go back to Vancouver. She wouldn't sabotage anything but if given the chance, she'd love to go back. She missed her old job, with her friends and her sergeant and hell; even the muggy sun in the summer. She nodded, "Yes, sir." She replied, stopping behind the duo when they both hesitated on the landing of the stairs, Ed opening a different door from the one they had entered before.

"I'll have her results in an hour." Ed told Parker and closed the door behind him.

She let out a quiet breath; he really did not like her. The only words he had spoken towards her were orders and the rest were addressed to Parker, cutting her out of the conversation.


	4. Weaving the Threads

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. I changed a few details about headquarters but hopefully they're so minimal that you won't be able to tell. _

_**T**__he first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance__**.**__ — __Nathaniel Braden_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Four**

**Weaving the Threads**

"Lunch." Parker asked her and for a second she wasn't sure if he were reminding her or if he was inviting her along. She found herself in the same spot and what she was surmising to be the lobby of the SRU, but this time, she heard no laughter but the sounds of the lights humming overhead.

Before she could answer such an ominous statement…or was it a question, they heard a female voice call out to them from across the hallway, amalgamated with the sounds of approaching footsteps, "Boss!"

Addison turned around and glanced behind her and Parker, her jaw almost dropping to the floor as she stared in horror at the newcomer, "What are you doing here?" She asked staggeringly. Good gods, she had become a stalker by accident!

"I should ask you the same thing." Jules commented, absorbing the sights of a new female on the team, if she passed the tests.

"Do you two know each other?" Parker asked, his eyes bouncing back and forth between the two women.

Addison sighed, glancing around and noticed a shorter dirty blond man walking alongside yet another bald man! Seriously, she was beginning to think there was something in the water that made all of the men in Team One bald…that or maybe it was Ed. He was pretty damn unnerving. "What's up?" The blond quietly asked Jules, glancing curiously at Addison, nodding politely at her.

Maybe it was because she was a woman or maybe it was because she had spent a few years profiling but she definitely could tell there was some static between the blond and Jules. She shoved away the urge to poke and sniff around, Suits had once told her that people didn't like others snooping around in their personal affairs, regardless of how interesting it all was. "Addison Bennett, this is Sam Braddock and Kevin Wordsworth."

Addison changed her opinion on Kevin when she got a better look at his head, he wasn't bald, he had just cut his hair very close to his skull. She silently apologised to him and shook his outstretched hand, "Call me Wordy." He said, smiling politely at the new member of Team One.

She smiled, noting the slight sadness in his eyes and shrugged it off, "Nice to meet you Wordy."

She shook Sam's hand and nodded to him, "How do you two know each other?" He asked politely, still curious about the gawking look on Jules' face.

Addison smirked, "Long story short, we keep bumping into each other."

"Nice to see you again." Jules grinned.

"How was the pizza?" She asked the shorter woman.

Jules smiled, "It was fantastic, you want to join me for lunch and we can talk?"

And in that moment, Addison realized how much she really appreciated having another woman on the team. "I'd love that." She nodded to a smirking Parker and walked alongside Jules to what she surmised was the changing room, frowning when she saw a janitor with a bucket and a towel in his hand. "I'll meet you inside." She nodded to Jules.

She glanced over her shoulder and watched Parker walking towards his office with Sam, Wordy loitering around the lounge speaking quietly on his phone. She turned her attention to the janitor and noticed him pulling out a butter knife. She realized his plan was to scrape off the tape over the sign that read "Jules' Washroom" rather than "Women Washroom". She shook her head; she did not want to implement change when every single member of Team One had slight sadness in their eyes. For whom, she did not know but she'd find out.

Addison leaned closer to the janitor and gently tapped him on his shoulder to gain his attention, "Hi." She smiled widely, what she was about to do went against Parker's orders so she had to sweeten the elderly janitor enough that he'd gladly disregard his orders.

"You're the new one." He said in a slight French accent.

She nodded and decided she had found his weakness, "I have a favour to ask and I'm pretty sure you might not like it." She replied in the same language.

His eyes bulged, "You speak French?"

Addison extended her hand to shake his, "Addison Bennett, its very nice to meet you." He introduced himself and she grinned at him. He smiled at her, "I learned French growing up."

He nodded, "So how can I help you?"

She tapped the tape over the sign that had Jules' name scrawled over it in black ink, "Is it possible that maybe you could just leave it like that for now?" She quietly asked him.

He stared at her and for a second he looked as though he may refuse her, "Why?"

Addison sighed, "I don't want to rub people's noses into anything." She stared pleadingly at him and he nodded.

"Fine, but if I get—"

"I will take the blame." She promised.

She watched him gingerly bend down and grab his bucket that was brimming with his tools, she waved goodbye and backed up a step—"Oh, I'm sorry." She enthused, whipping around and staring up at scowling, damningly handsome man.

He frowned at her, "You should watch where you're going, this is the SRU, not the dance floor."

She swallowed, trying to ignore the shivers at hearing his husky deep voice, his slightly tanned skin with, damn it, lush hair that was slightly spiked. Hells, Parker had been right: she needed a social life. Stat!

She forced down the urge to frown and noticed for the first time the dark shadows under his eyes, the bruised, deep anguish look lingering in his gaze, and the scowl marring his lips. "I said I was sorry." She quietly affirmed.

He glanced behind her and his eyes squinted, "Already cementing yourself here, I see."

Addison forced down the urge to curse: the first good looking man that she had seen and he was a bastard. She ignored the butterflies in his stomach and forced her heartbeat to steady, "What are you talking about?" She asked quietly.

He nodded to the sign behind her, "That has been Jules' washroom almost from the very beginning."

She squared her shoulders, "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."

"I don't believe I offered it." He retorted, turning his back on her and walked away.

And despite everything, she watched in appreciation as his muscled form walked away from her, clad in grey pants and a tight black t-shirt—damn it. He might be her teammate, if she passed the exams and a bastard at that, she had no business looking where she shouldn't. She sighed and walked into _Jules' _changing room, hungry despite the bad taste the stranger had left in her mouth.

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"So, how long have you been a part of the SRU?" Jules asked over a mouth full of her sandwich.

"Around two years now." She replied, digging into her French fries.

Jules' eyes bulged, "that's it? And you managed to snag a spot onto the team!" Jules lifted her hand in the air and Addison laughed, high fiving the other woman.

Addison shrugged, "I was in the military prior to that." She didn't bother mentioning CSIS, though it was in her file, she liked to keep her time there buried. She had done a lot of things she wasn't proud of in the military and she had done worse in CSIS. But it had shaped her into who she was now, and damned if she would change that.

"Really? Sam was too." Jules replied, earning another speculative look from Addison.

They finished their lunch, laughing to themselves over stories they shared, "So, how are you liking everyone so far?" Jules asked.

"I've met Wordy, Sam, Ed, you and sergeant and so far…everyone's been pretty nice." She didn't bother mentioning the handsome bastard until she knew his name.

"Oh, have you met Spike yet?" Jules asked, holding the door opening for Addison.

She nodded her thanks, "Is he the one with brown hair?" She asked quietly, wondering if Spike was his real name or his nickname.

Jules laughed, "Well, there's only two men on the team with hair." She joked and Addison snorted with laughter.

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Addison walked alongside Jules; laughing at her joke and nodded her thanks when the smaller woman opened the main door of the SRU headquarters for her, "So, are we still on for dinner tomorrow night?" Jules asked quietly.

"Hell yes." She nodded, glancing around the headquarters, seeing the entire team, save for Parker and Ed, lounging around the locker area near the changing rooms. Wordy smiled to her and she smiled back; Sam glanced her way and nodded politely. Spike had his back to her but hadn't turned around to acknowledge her presence and despite her forced nonchalance, she felt the sting of annoyance. She had seen the slight stillness to him when her and Jules had entered loudly but if he wanted to play indifference? Then she'd kill him with politeness.

Jules moved to stand besides Spike and Sam, leaving Addison to squeeze her way between Sam and Wordy: joining in the good humoured mocking of Jules about her tripping at training earlier that morning. Addison stood there, laughing when Jules retorted, "I heard you specialize in CQC." Wordy murmured to her.

Addison turned her head slightly towards Wordy, seeing curiosity swirling in his gaze, "I take it you specialize in close quarters combat as well?" She asked quietly.

He shrugged, a slight smirk marring his face, "If you can call it that. How do you think you did on the testing?"

"Bennett." She heard Ed's voice beckon her and looked over Wordy's shoulder to see him standing in the doorway of Parker's office, and for the first time upon meeting him, she didn't see any hard ruthlessness to him.

She glanced at Wordy, "I'll let you know." She smirked at him and excused herself from the group, noting that everyone save for Spike had said good-bye.

"Have a seat." Parker said, a polite smirk on his face.

She sat down, her back straighter than the wall and cast a furtive glance towards Ed who was standing off to the side with a kind look in his eyes: she felt as though she had tripped and fell in the rabbit hole. What happened to the stern and cold Ed and Parker? Maybe that too had been a test but the sadness had been genuine, that much she was sure, "You passed." Ed commented.

"You've beaten all of your records on file." Parker commented, passing her the file with her results. He smiled at her and waited to see comprehension brighten her gaze.

Despite her resolve to remain nonchalant, her eyes bulged when she saw her results. She felt like a kid acing an exam and glanced up, grinning at the two of them. "You did very well." Ed commented.

"Thank you sir." She said, still unsure if this were the real Ed or the colder one.

Parker cleared his throat and Addison watched him get up, sharing a look with Ed, "I'll see you on Monday, Addison."

"Have a safe week, sir." She watched him leave, and turned back to Ed unsure of what was happening.

"Look Addison," Ed said, taking the empty seat besides her, "I want to apologise to you."

She tilted her head, yeah, he had been cold to her but she didn't want him to feel as though had _had_ to apologise, "Sir?"

He shook his head, "I treated you very disrespectfully earlier this morning and it took Parker to tell me that you don't deserve what is happening."

"What's happening sir?" She asked quietly.

Ed shook his head and leaned slightly backwards in his chair, "We lost someone a few weeks back, things are changing and we'll all just trying to find our feet again." He said.

Addison closed her eyes and turned to him, "I'm so sorry sir."

"It wasn't right for me to treat you like that, so for that, I'm sorry. We're all grieving but we can't put that on you." Ed said.

She nodded, "Thank you sir."

Ed shook his head, frowning, "Its Ed."

It was Addison's turn to shake her head, how the hells could she call the second-in-command by his first name? When he kept frowning at her she finally ceded, "Ed."

He nodded and she got up as well, shaking his hand exuberantly. More than ever she was determined to be a part of Team One, "I'll see you Monday…Ed." She said, saying his name felt like swallowing shards of glass; he smirked and watched her leave the office, a huge grin split her face.

Wordy detached himself from the group and sauntered towards her, a genuine smile on his face, "I take it you did well?"

She smiled and passed him her results: Jules and Sam sauntering over to join them. Wordy whistled and passed the sheet of paper over to Sam, "Now those are some impressive results." Sam commented, grinning.

She high fived Jules and grinned, "I start Monday."

"Are we going to celebrate?" Jules asked.

She shrugged, despite the grief and the loss they were experiencing, they had reached out and accepted her as best as they could. And it meant the world to Addison. "I'm thinking about wings and beer. Sound good?" She cast a furtive glance around and took note that Spike was absent.

Wordy tilted his head and thought about it, "You paying?"

"It's my treat. And it'll only be one beer so you won't have a hangover tomorrow morning." She pulled out her phone and added them to her contacts and then wrote herself a memo with the address Wordy listed off.

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Addison chocked on a mouthful of burning hot wings and her eyes watered, Wordy almost falling over in his chair from laughter. She swallowed the burning down and chugged the cool beer, wishing it could somehow take away the burning in her nose, "You're lying!" She retorted, accepting the napkin from a grinning Wordy.

"I'm not!" He retorted, ignoring the curses Jules threw his way.

Sam wiped his mouth, smirking at Jules before turning towards Addison, "Seriously, I've never seen Jules run so far and fast in my entire life."

Addison replayed the story Wordy had told her back in her head, vastly amused; she could just imagine Team One in full gear kicking down an apartment door and Jules checking the bathroom, ripping away the shower curtain only to find a python writhing around in the tub.

They all spent another hour quietly getting to know each other but finally she put her foot down and told each of them to go home. Wordy nodded knowing his family was waiting for him, Sam glanced worriedly between the two women, "Are you guys going to be okay going home?"

Jules nodded, "We'll be fine."

Sam cast another glance over his shoulder at them before walking out of the bar, Jules glanced at Addison, "Want another beer?"

Addison smirked, "How about two more?"

She squinted at her friend, "Hell yes."

Addison laughed and made a motion to the server; Team One had accepted her faster than she had thought and she was quite excited to begin working amongst them on Monday.


	5. The Filial Meeting of Coincidences

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. _

_**I**__ have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.__ — __Mother Teresa_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Five**

**The Filial Meeting of Coincidences**

"Do you need any help?"

Addison turned to the store clerk and politely declined, the idea of letting someone help her choose what fit her personal tastes in home decor was preposterous. She had promised herself to splurge and make her apartment feel homier and damn it: she was going to. As soon as the pesky clerk left her the hell alone. She just came from dinner with Jules earlier that evening and decided that another night by herself in her hugely dull apartment left a stale taste in her mouth. She glanced at the clock and winced, she had another hour before the store closed: she suddenly felt the need to go tearing through the home and furniture store like a raving lunatic.

After coming home very late yesterday from the bar, she had stumbled in her apartment and passed out on the couch, waking late with a slight headache. After showering and drinking half a pot of coffee, she had finally mustered up the courage and looked for news articles about Team One; when she found something but realized half of the story was still missing, she phoned a few contacts at CSIS and learned the painful details. She didn't regret snooping, she needed to know what she was getting herself into but when she found out the details behind the grief in their eyes and Spike's indifference, she cursed her old chief for what seemed like the fortieth time. It was no wonder Spike hated her. She never wanted to know the feeling of having one of her best friends' and teammates' sacrifice themselves to save her and the team. To see her friend die in front of her would be more devastating and the feelings that would swamp her would be crushing.

She shook her head slightly, it didn't make Spike hating her acceptable but it certainly made him more relatable and palatable to her; she suddenly understood him in ways she wished she didn't. She should never even look at him the way she kept doing, she shouldn't be thinking about him at all: he should be amalgamated with every other member on the team and that was it. She would force herself to ignore the butterflies in her stomach whenever she thought of him or saw him and she'd damn well ignore his existence unless they were on a job. It sounded so simple and yet, it was probably one of the most complicated and arduous tasks she set before herself to accomplish.

Addison stared at the multitude of differentiable tones of green pillows; she couldn't make up her mind. She stared down at her cart and winced, she couldn't help herself, she loved colour but her cart looked as though a clown threw up everywhere. She never understood the concept of matching and she sure as hell didn't like the idea of having anything matching in her apartment. Her place would be a hodgepodge of colour but she wouldn't have it any other way.

"This colour suits you best." She heard a slightly frail yet resilient voice besides her comment.

She glanced to her side and noticed an elderly woman pointing to a lime green body pillow, "You think?" Addison asked unsure…it was so _green._

Addison surmised that she probably was the same age her own mother would be, if she were still alive. She shook off the sudden downturn of her thoughts, staring uncertainly at the kind woman, "I think it'd brighten up your morning to wake up to something so…cheery." She smiled and despite not knowing the woman, Addison smiled.

She shrugged and grabbed the large pillow, adding it to her already brimming cart, "Are you redecorating?" The woman asked.

Addison shook her head, "Moving into an apartment that has seen better days...in fact, I'm new to the city." She didn't bother adding that she was coming back to the city she had grown up in but it would be too pedantic to explain.

"Would you like some help? You're missing a few things…" The woman offered.

She knew it was illogical to accept help from a complete stranger, regardless of how wonderfully warm the woman was: but she felt herself growing fonder of the woman, as though she were a surrogate for her own lost mother. She shook her head; Toronto had a way of making her remember things that should stay dead. "Sure, what am I missing…what's your name?" Addison gently asked.

The woman reeled back, aghast with herself, "Where are my manners? You can call me Florence."

She accepted Florence's hand and gently shook it, "Addison."

Florence smiled, "That's a beautiful name, Addison." Florence noticed the young woman uncomfortably shifting her feet, "You're missing a lamp or two and some bed sheets."

If Addison thought she was a fast and efficient shopper, she had nothing on Florence. Damn that woman could shop; she looked as though she were in the military disarming bombs, speed walking through aisles upon aisles, grabbing things Addison would have never thought of. At the end, they had five minutes to spare before the store closed and Addison's bank account was a thousand dollars shorter in funds. "Are you sure you're okay to drive back on your own?" Addison asked, staring out into the night wrapped sky in its stygian blanket and the only lights shinning were from the streetlamps.

Florence nodded, "You sound just like my son."

Addison shrugged, slamming her trunk shut, "Good, he sounds smart."

"He is." Addison smirked at the motherly pride she heard in Florence's voice.

Florence gingerly unlocked her car, turning around to stare at the forlorn looking younger woman, "I made a large batch of cookies, if you want I can help you set up a few things tomorrow and bring you some cookies before my family eats them all."

She stared at Florence unsure of what the protocol was: she decided that if the older woman were going to murder her, she'd have already done so. What was the harm? "Sure, what time works for you?"

"Around two sound okay?" Addison nodded and recited off her new address for the older woman who nodded and got in her car. Addison waved and waited until Florence was safely on her way before stepping into her own car. Despite being thrown into Toronto and leaving her friends behind, she certainly was warming up to the idea of living in the city. So far, no zombies from her past had come staggering back and she'd damn well make sure it was kept that way.

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"Hold on, hold on." Addison mumbled to herself, jumping over the bags she had strewn on the floor of her living room upon coming home last night. She jogged to her door, checked to make sure it was indeed Florence and threw it open, reaching over to relieve the older woman of a few bags and a metal tin in her arms. "What is all this?" Addison asked incredulously.

Florence closed the door behind her and ushered the younger woman towards the table, "Just some things kicking around the house that I thought you might like. I was just going to donate them but I thought you'd might like a touch of home, especially since you've just moved here."

Addison ran a hand through her hair, "I have to protest, you've just met me and you're being so nice…why?" She asked confusedly. Whom in their right mind would befriend someone like her and the next day, bring her bags of things and a tin of freshly baked cookies? And for that matter, she couldn't recall ever having freshly baked cookies.

Florence stared sympathetically at Addison; she surmised the poor girl surely didn't have much of a childhood. "You're like the daughter I never had." Florence said, wondering if she laid it on too thick.

Addison rolled her eyes, but instead of retorting rudely, she grabbed the tin, "May I?"

"Help yourself, they're all yours." Florence waved her away and began unpacking the bags she had brought. She piled the table with old, ratty t-shirts, towels, and some pretty dated plates and bowls. Addison loved it. She never really thought about how she would envision her place but kitschy, colourful, and arbitrarily decorated was what she enjoyed.

They spent the remainder of the afternoon bustling around Addison's apartment, moving things around and unpacking. By the time they were done, Addison wanted a nap and Florence looked positively exhausted. She finally convinced Florence to go home, feeling rather guiltily for making an elderly woman unpack her things with her but Florence had refused on one condition. Addison finally ceded and promised she would come to Sunday dinner at Florence's in two weeks time and finally, the older woman retreated with a satisfied smile on her face.


	6. The Coming Tide

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. The next few chapters follow episode fifteen of season two. Anything you recognize from it, is not my own._

_**O**__ur Patience will achieve more than our force.__ — __Edmund Burke _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Six**

**The Coming Tide**

Addison opened her locker and began putting away her gear, Monday had finally come and she was damn happy of that. She had spent the last week at the gym or walking around her neighbourhood; she honestly didn't know how people did nothing all day. She was close to ripping out all of her hair out of sheer boredom. She had spent all yesterday at a custom jewellery shop overseeing the surprise for each of the members of the team; she would sneak in each of their gifts in their respective lockers when they weren't around. She knew it would help them come to terms with loosing their old teammate, she didn't want to step on any toes but she wanted to help them and this was the only way she could think of. "You're here early."

She glanced up to see Ed walking towards the lockers with a frown on his face, "Too early for you?" She asked in good humour. If they had let her, she would have crashed on the couch Sunday evening just so she could be that much closer to working.

He rolled his eyes, "You think I'd be used to the early mornings by now."

She smiled, "I don't mind them as much."

Ed made a disgusted sound, "Don't tell me you're one of those morning persons are you?"

"I guess I am." She grinned when he huffed at her. "I have a question for you." She asked a few minutes later, zipping up the long sleeved grey jacket over her black turtleneck.

"What's up?" He asked, his eyebrow rising slightly.

Addison stared into his eyes, noting that the sadness had ebbed slightly since she had last seen him, "Do you think its weird that I love my job?" She asked, genuinely wondering if she was just as crazy as the knife-wielders. Regardless of their rocky meeting, he had warmed up to her and for some reason; Addison felt a slight camaraderie with him…how odd was that?

He snorted, "I don't think its _weird_ but…Addie, you need to get a boyfriend…hell, even an online one would do. Get a social life and let loose sometimes." He retorted amused with himself.

"How do you know if I have one? I could have a boyfriend!" She retorted refusing to let him walk away without having the last word.

He shook his head but made no comment, "In fact, I do have one!" She called back, rolling her eyes when she heard his quiet laugh. She closed her locker door and gave a startled jump when she found Spike standing near her locker, a dark scowl on his face.

"He's your superior, maybe you should be slightly more respectful." Spike commented, opening his own locker.

Addison's mind embarrassingly blanked when she watched Spike peel off his street jacket but she shook her head, trying to rid the fog from clogging her thoughts, "Not that its any of your business," She knew it was rude, she even cringed saying it but she refused to be bullied because he was grieving, "But we were joking. Work doesn't start for another twenty minutes so excuse me if I don't say 'sir' until them." She sarcastically commented, slamming her locker shut.

"Hey, what's up?" Jules asking, walking into headquarters with a smile.

She smiled back; Jules had a way of wrangling in the sunshine everywhere she went, "Nothing, just getting ready to start." She commented.

Jules smiled, "You have plans this weekend?"

Addison could have sworn she saw Spike shoot her a look but she ignored him, "Saturday night I plan on making something because I was invited to a dinner on Sunday."

"Oh, a new boyfriend?" Jules jokingly asked.

Ed came out of the changing room, his ears perking up, "Addison has a boyfriend?" She chuckled when she shot him a dirty look; he enjoyed teasing her way more than Jules. Whereas Jules ignored his poking and prodding, Addison became flustered every time.

She rolled her eyes, turning away from them to compose herself lest she snort with laughter, she glanced up and realized Spike was staring intently at her, an inscrutable look on his face. She turned back towards the other two, refusing to focus on the sudden warming butterfly summersaults her stomach did whenever she looked at him…spurning the urge to think about how good he smelled: like a crisp forest and a rainstorm. Ugh, maybe she did need a boyfriend. "No…though it's not any of your business." She retorted not wanting to tell anyone that instead of having a boyfriend, she was going to an old lady's house for dinner.

"What's going on?" Wordy asked, Sam walking alongside him as the duo stared questioningly at their team.

"Addie has a new boyfriend." Jules commented, laughing when a slight blush formed on Addison's cheeks.

"Oh, you should bring him around some time, let us see for ourselves if he's worthy or not." Wordy commented, his protective instincts working overtime.

Spike slammed the locker closed and stalked off, silence befalling the group. Addison sighed, feeling guilty for the light-hearted mood and joking: he was still grieving; maybe she should steer clear of him. Out of everyone on the team, he had lost a part of him, she should respect that and leave him be. Everyone around the lockers glanced around them uncomfortably, disquieting immediately: a sort of mourning silence that was deafening to Addison.

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"I heard you served in the military." Sam commented, throwing the black duffel bag into the back of the SUV.

Addison ignored the sirens, the sounds of people coming out of their houses to see what all of the commotion had been about. It had been an easy and shut case: a home invasion going awry with hostages thrown in the mix and they had been called in. The suspects had been apprehended and they were done, packing up and heading back to headquarters; Sam helping her pack up the last few duffel bags, "I take it you did too."

He nodded but didn't offer any more questions; Addison nodded as well, they both had served and she didn't regret her decision but the things she'd seen and done some nights kept her up. "Good job, Addie." Wordy commented, joining the duo.

"Thank you, Wordy." She smirked, Parker and Ed ran a very tight, in sync team and though she was learning, it still amazed her how little they all communicated and yet, it was as though they could all read each other's minds. She yawned into the back of her hand and was glad that for once, the case had taken all day and she could now go home and catch up on sleep; the glow of the first day already wearing off under the sleep deprivation.

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Addison sat down and stared around the table where everyone save Parker and Spike were sitting and waiting. She had dubbed the meeting room the Round Table, where Parker and Ed usually went over the day's events and debriefed at the end of the day. It was now Saturday and the past few days had been spent training or patrolling, and as the days ticked by, every single member of Team One had progressively gotten quieter and more foreboding. The realization hadn't set in until she glanced at the calendar this morning on her way to headquarters and when it did, she was filled with dreaded sympathy: it had been on this day three weeks ago that the team had lost one of their own.

Looking around the table, their eyes dull, no jokes or smiles being exchanged, Addison felt a sunken feeling in the pit of her stomach, she didn't know what any of them were feeling but she could sympathise, and that's all that mattered…right?

"All ready Team One?" Parker said walking towards them, Spike trailing behind with a distant look on his face.

Addison nodded absently, keeping a worried eye on Spike; he looked pallid and disinterested as he took a seat opposite her, "I know this is a difficult day for all of us," Parker said, his eyes flickering to Spike before glancing around the rest of the team, "So I think it'd be best if we just took it easy today and patrolled. That okay with you, Ed?" Parker glanced at Ed.

He stared at Spike and nodded to Parker, "Yup, good with that."

_Team One: Suit up, shots fired…_

Addison heard the dispatcher announce over the intercom, Ed banging his fist to rouse everyone up, "Let's go, Team One."

She hurriedly got up, trying to ignore the awkward tense air around everyone and glanced at Parker, he tried to smile encouragingly but instead of playing along, she nodded to him and ran to get ready.


	7. Unravelling the Seams

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. _

_**F**__or some moments in life there are no words. __— __David Seltzer _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Seven**

**Unravelling the Seams**

"Sam, Wordy and I are Alpha team." Ed said, staring at electronic blueprints.

Addison ignored the sounds of the sirens and stood besides Sam, waiting for Ed to give her instructions. Their Intel had been vague; so far all they knew was that a woman and her ex-boyfriend were holed up in the woman's apartment.

"Where would you like me, sir?" She asked Ed.

"Bravo team with Spike." He said, pulling off his sunglasses to stare at Spike, "Go through the back exit."

Addison briefly closed her eyes and steeled herself to be professional, just because she felt something dangerous for Spike and he hated her guts did not mean the job should suffer. She squared her shoulders, hiked up her rifle closer to her chest and jogged besides Spike, "Word of the wise, try not to trip." He commented.

She rolled her eyes and bit down on her tongue, if they all didn't have earpieces in and their conversations weren't being recorded for paperwork, she would have retorted with a snarky reply. But she did _not_ want their riff to become public amongst the team, what she felt for him and how much he disliked her…it was between them and it would remain between them if she had it her way.

"Nothing to say?" Spike retorted when she made no sound and instead realized she was trying her damnedest to ignore him as they both made their way towards the back of the building. "That's the first." 

She bit her lip; she didn't talk that much…did she? She waited for the Alpha team to break into the woman's apartment and announce that the apartment was all clear: the woman was now missing before she would have a slight _chat_ with Spike. She covered the mouthpiece of the recorder with her gloved hand and turned to him, fire burning in her eyes, "Look, whatever your problem is with me, deal with it. I'm trying like hells to give you space but you're not making it easy on me. I'm trying to act professional and I think you should try too."

She finished the order with jabbing his vest with her free hand and turned away, asking through the mouthpiece where Parker wanted her to focus her attention on. She nodded and jogged into the apartment building where she could profile the woman's place.

Her and Jules snooped through the woman's things, and Addison ripped through the medicine cabinet with a ferocious vigour, pretending that the reason why she was so angry wasn't from being hurt by someone she really liked and more about being snubbed, "Look, Spike's not a bad guy." Jules called out and Addison was happy for once that the other woman had gotten the hint and covered the mouthpiece.

Over the past week, Addison had noticed Jules' propensity for having personal conversations through the mouthpiece, forgetting that not only every single member of the team could hear what she was saying but so could the SRU's dispatcher and it was being recorded for their permanent files. It had been especially awkward when Jules had gotten so excited about an embarrassingly private subject that Ed had to come on the line to interrupt her, saving Addison from a situation that was spiralling vastly out of hand. Ed still teased her about the prank involving itching powder her old teammates had played on her.

"He'll warm up to you." Jules broke into Addison's thoughts.

She nodded, "No photographs means she's isolated, probably estranged." Jules understood Addison's need to ignore Spike's rude comments that the entire team had overheard and decided that if Addison was going to ignore it, she should as well.

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They had finally tracked down the abducted younger woman, Zoe and her abductor, Dale, ruling out her ex-boyfriend and finding out it was an older man that was seemingly obsessed with Zoe because she resembled his deceased daughter.

Dale, had sequestered Zoe to a trailer in the middle of the woods, which is why Addison found herself quietly walking alongside Wordy and Spike as they weaved themselves through the woods, closer to where she hoped they would find Zoe unharmed. The team had ripped the trailer apart, piecing together his broken mentality and broke apart into teams: Wordy, Spike and Addison in one team and Parker, Ed, Jules and Sam in the other. Ed surmised it would be faster to sweep the woods and locate them in smaller groups and Addison couldn't agree more. Though she had a few unspoken choice words that she had to force down about her and Spike being partnered up yet again in the same day. She briefly wondered if it was Ed and Parker's way of forcing Spike to accept her and so far, the point was moot.

Wordy took the lead, leaving Addison to come in second and Spike to take the rear, her eyes roaming over the trees trying to find a discernable image through the bokeh blurs of the forest. Her booted foot caught itself under a gnarled root and she felt herself falling face first, more worried that she'd be eating twigs for the rest of her life than falling in front of her teammates. She almost closed her eyes in fear but stopped when she was pulled back against something solid. She turned her head and looked up to find Spike looking down at her, a fierce scowl on his face, his nose precariously close to hers and she blinked away the urge to rub his nose with hers. She stared at his lips and gulped before ripping her attention away from his enigmatic eyes and glanced down to find one of his gloved hands holding her hand and the other holding her by the waist, "What did I say earlier?" He asked unnervingly quiet, if she didn't know any better, she could have sworn Spike had growled at her. She ignored that fact that she could feel the heat radiating off from him, her breathing laboured by his nearness.

She swallowed and detached herself from him, they were working and she refused to believe in something that never would be, "Don't trip." She quietly mocked, turning around and trying to catch up to Wordy. "Thanks." She murmured, knowing the mouthpiece was recording and he would hear.

"_You okay, Addie?_" She heard Wordy's voice from the earpiece.

"Good to go." She replied quietly, letting the cool air from the forest push away the warming sensation that had possessed her when Spike touched her, she refused to obsess about the feeling of him touching her; she would move on damn it.

They heard a roaring sound and the trio glanced over to the makeshift gravel road in the woods to see a battered red car with Dale driving stop near them and reversing, "Ed, he's coming your way, he's reversing now!" Spike shouted over the roar of the engine and the three began to chase after the speeding car.

"_We've got it covered._" Ed's voice shot through the earpiece.

Addison ran, hearing the rest of the team shout to Dale in the car before her, Wordy and Spike broke through the trees and joined in the shouting, their rifles raised towards the red car, "Police!" Jules shouted moving closer to the red car.

Ed made a motion and Sam moved closer to peer through the dirt-encrusted windshield of the car before shaking his head, "They're not in there."

"They're on foot now." Jules commented.

"He knows these woods inside out." Wordy pointed out.

Ed sighed, "All right, ten metres apart, do not engage until we're in a controlled position, remember he's still armed."

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"_Head east_." Spike's voice ordered through the earpiece, Addison turned slightly towards the direction and slowly edged closer, seeing the faint form of Dale shaking a distraught Zoe. She jumped over a fallen tree and raised her rifle, running closer towards them.

"Police! Dale Murray, stop right there!" Ed shouted, breakthrough the woods.

Addison followed closely behind, the entire team spanning in a half circle around Dale and she swallowed nervously, noting that Dale stood precariously close towards the edge of the grassy cliff, holding Zoe near him. Now was not the time to be afraid of heights, of all the stupid fears, being afraid of heights was the stupidest. She still didn't understand how it was possible that after all of these years of sniping, her knees still shook when she was near something even remotely high.

She swallowed and wiped a hand over her forehead, ignoring the slight shudder working its way up her spine, she watched as Ed moved closer to Dale, wincing when he took another step towards the edge with Zoe in tow. She heard Ed's orders, Jules would try and negotiate with Dale, and Sam and Wordy would go around and scale the cliff to cover Dale and Zoe from behind. Addison watched Jules; making sure that if Dale made a move towards Jules she'd catch him before her teammate could be hurt.

"Dale, can you please let Zoe go and we'll talk about this." Jules tried for what seemed like the fiftieth time.

Addison swallowed when Dale took another step towards the cliff and Addison moved closer towards the duo, Jules lifting her hands up in a pacifying manner and moved a few steps closer to Dale, "I know what you're feeling, Dale, I know you lost your daughter but Zoe isn't her. You have to let her go." Jules said.

"You don't know anything!" Dale shouted.

"You're wrong Dale, I've lost someone—" Jules began.

Dale shouted, his foot hitting the rubble on the cliff's edge and slipped over, taking Zoe with her, Addison ran past Ed and Spike, and slid to her knees, holding onto Jules who held Zoe by the elbows, half of her petite body over the cliff's edge. Addison ignored the roaring in her ears and grabbed Jules by the waist and with her free hand reached over and held Zoe as well, "I've got you." She said to Jules.

"Let Zoe go!" Addison snapped over the edge to Dale who was trying to rip Zoe down with him.

"I'm not letting you have her!" Dale yelled.

"Sam and Wordy's lines are secure." Spike said, making sure the two teammates hanging over the cliff wouldn't fall due to the extra weight they had from holding Dale and part of Zoe. Ed fell to his knees, grabbing Jules and Addison's belts and held onto them, "Jules and Addie are secure." He said into the mouthpiece.

"Is this what you call keeping someone safe, Dale? Listen to me, I'm sorry that you lost your daughter, but I do know what it is like to lose somebody," Jules said, emotion rife in her voice, "who had absolutely no business dying and having no chance to say goodbye. To be disgusted with the people that pass you by on the street that act like the world's the same place, to tell yourself that if you had just done something different, maybe you could have saved them. So you can keep on struggling and get both of yourselves killed and that will be your fault. Or you could let go and both of you can keep on living. What would your daughter want you to do? What would she want you to do, Dale?" Jules asked quietly.

Addison swallowed down the tears, Jules was like sunshine and to hear the pain her friend was in: that every single member, save herself, was feeling, broke Addison's heart. She had no business being a part of something as the mourning of their lost teammate and yet, she felt grief for the members of the team that were mourning. She hurt because they hurt, it didn't seem logical but it was how she felt. "I'm so sorry!" Dale cried, letting go of Zoe.

"Bring him up." Ed quietly ordered and both her and Jules pulled Zoe up and reached for Dale.

Addison gently pushed the distraught woman towards Ed, knowing he could comfort her and shoved Dale to his knees, securing his hands behind his back with her handcuffs, she refused to acknowledge how close she had been and still was towards the edge of the cliff. She refused to let the tremors up to the surface until she was alone, she abhorred being afraid of heights and even though she told herself it was illogical and irrational, she couldn't help herself.

She pulled Dale to his feet and brushed past Spike, he looked away when she tried to catch his eye and she nodded, she was a reminder of his loss, she shouldn't expect him to be kind.

0000000000000000

Addison stepped out of the changing room, her black duffel hitched on her shoulder and watched as each member opened their lockers to find a black box. She watched Jules open it, her eyes tearing up when she read the note and pulled out the black bracelet with their lost teammate's name engraved in silver plated over half of the bracelet. Addison had wanted something small and minimal as to not hinder any of their movements but something big enough that they'd have a piece of their lost member with them wherever they went. She had handwritten each note,

_It's not much, but you carry your friends with you._

_ -A._

She watched as each member pulled out the bracelet and put it on, she moved closer to the doors not wanting to be seen watching them, her eyes betraying her resolve and found Spike in the group. She watched him swallow and slowly pull the bracelet on, his hands resting on the silver plate, she nodded: she had done one thing right so far. She turned on her heels and left, knowing that tomorrow was a good day as any to wash away the sadness.


	8. Of Chocolate Cake and Handholding

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. _

_**A**__re we not like two volumes of one book?__ — __Marceline Desbordes-Valmore_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Eight**

**Of Chocolate Cake and Handholding **

Addison gingerly stepped out of her car, and smoothed a hand down her black dress nervously, what did one wear to a Sunday dinner anyway? She shook her head, she was so far out of her element, hoping that Florence would take pity on her and put her out of her misery. She opened the back door and reached into the car, grabbing the heavy plate that precariously held a chocolate cake: she had stayed up into the early hours baking the damn cake, hoping it tasted as great as it looked.

When she had left headquarters yesterday, she had sped home, running around the kitchen and throwing things in the mixing bowl. She was terribly nervous about Florence tasting her cake, what would she say? Should she have just bought something instead? The gravel crunched under her three-inch heels as she walked through the walkway to the house, holding the cake with both hands. She felt like a foolish idiot but instead of worrying any longer, she decided to go ahead and get the entire dinner over with. Why had she said yes in the first place?

When she stepped to the door she realized that there would be no way to knock without smearing icing on her chest, she gently kicked the door a few times and waited, an older man smiled as he opened the door, "hello." He glanced at down at the cake in her hands and his smile grew wider.

Addison grinned and felt relieved, the cake was a success so far, "Hi…I'm Addison Bennett."

"Where are my manners? Come in! Let me take that from you!" The older man reached over and gently grabbed the plate, his eyes widening when he felt the weight of the cake.

She laughed at his feigned horror, "Its all of the chocolate." She whispered and smiled when he wiggled his eyebrows at the cake. She watched him hurriedly make his way towards what she surmised was the kitchen and glanced down at her feet, if she were at her place, she would take off her shoes.

She stepped on the welcome mat and slowly peeled off her heels, "Oh honey, you can leave your shoes on."

Addison glanced at Florence but shook her head, "No I can't. I don't want to track in any mud or dirt."

The older woman beamed at her, "You're such a sweetheart. Let me go get you some slippers then."

She shook her head and called over to Florence's fleeting form as the older woman ascended the staircase, "Its okay, you don't have to do that!"

The older man came out of the kitchen with what appeared to be a chocolate smear on his cheek, "Let me go get my son, he's just cleaning the garage for me. He's a good boy." The older man said, beaming with fatherly pride. A part of Addison felt as though he was trying to convince her of his son's merits and she took pity on the older man and nodded encouragingly. She wondered how old the boy would be.

She realized she had been deserted in their living room and decided to politely look at all of the family photos, "This is my boy." She heard the older man say from behind her and she turned, expecting to see a young boy but instead, her jaw dropped.

"What are you doing here?"

"Spike?"

The two asked at the same time, the older man glancing confusingly between the two of them, "You two know each other?"

"Yeah, pa, she's on my team." Spike said to his father, his eyes still glued to her. She tried reading the emotion in his gaze but decided against it, she'd probably only see distrust and dislike for her. She had decided last night to give him space and treat him as an indifferent stranger, her mere presence must be annoying him and she'd let him go. What she felt for him made her breaths catch in her throat, a butterfly tingling in her stomach and her palms would sweat but what she felt was one-sided and irrational. She would get over him and move on, if she pretended long enough maybe she'd start believing it.

"Who's on your team?" Florence asked, descending the stairs. "Here you go, sweetie."

"Thank you." Addison said insipidly as she stared down at the racecar slippers. She didn't know what was worse: wearing racecar slippers in front of Spike or having dinner with him and his family.

"They were Michaelangelo's when he was a boy, they should fit you." Florence beamed.

Addison nodded blankly, suddenly remembering Spike's real name when she had one day subtlety asked Wordy what it was, "Mrs Scarlatti and Mr Scarlatti." She nodded to both of them.

Florence waved her off, "Come, I'll go get you something to drink. What would you like?"

She stammered, "Anything will do." She peeked towards Spike and winced slightly, he was still staring at her with an inscrutable look in his eyes. She should have never come and it was too late to fake an illness.

"Come," She said to her husband and they both walked towards the kitchen, Florence slapping her husband laughingly on his shoulder.

Addison watched their fleeting forms and wished they would come back; she would rather have awkward conversations than face Spike in his own domain. She decided the best thing to do was ignore him and so she bent slightly and tried slipping on one of Spike's old race car slippers and wobbled on her feet. She almost lost her balance but was saved, unfortunately, by Spike coming to her aid.

He wrapped one hand around her elbow and the other grasped her hand with the slipper dangling between her fingers, "Are you normally this clumsy?" He quietly asked.

Addison gulped down her nerves; she was acting like a prepubescent teenager, panting and blushing under his gaze. Her arm touching his chest, her blood burning through her veins: she pulled herself out of his grasp and stepped away from him, wanting to distance herself from the danger he represented. "Thank you." She said, perching herself on the edge of the couch and slipping on the slippers, "You don't mind?" She asked nodding to the racecars on her feet.

He looked amused by the sight of her in a black dress with racecars on her feet and shook his head, "How'd you meet my mom?"

She shook her head and straightened, moving towards him, her hands slightly raised in a pacifying manner as though she were about to be attacked by a rabid animal, "I swear I didn't know she was your mom when I met her! I would never have come tonight if I'd have known…" She didn't finish the sentence, leaving it to hang painfully between them.

"Known what?" He asked needing to know what she meant.

She stared up at him, seeing a slight hint of sadness but it wasn't as prevalent as it had been since she had met him, he didn't seem malicious or hateful, spiteful or even disgusted by her mere presence. She honestly didn't know how to handle this Spike…this must have been the real one Jules alluded to. "I'm sorry for coming, I know this must be hard for you." She apologised not wanting to hurt him anymore.

He stared at her confused, "What are you talking about?"

She swallowed and ignored the effects his husky voice had on her, "I know you don't like me…"

"What?" Spike reared away from the thought, "How could you think that?"

"Sorry it took so long!" Florence apologised, walking into the room and handing Addison a cup full of what she hoped was juice.

She thanked Florence and sipped the amber liquid, its sweet flavours bursting over her tongue and moved away from Spike, his mere presence wreaking havoc on her system. She had to get over him; it was as simple and as complicated as that. Just a plain ole' stupid crush.

Despite Spike's nerve-wracking presence and the fact that she was eating dinner with his parents, she enjoyed herself immensely. Laughing at the joking and light-heartedness of the meal, it was delicious and she had told Mrs Scarlatti that throughout the entire meal.

"I'll clear the table." Addison said and stood up.

"No, you're our guest." Florence urged Addison to take her seat but she remained steadfast.

She finally got her way, smiling in triumph as she reached over and gently took all of the empty plates, "Did you want me to bring out the cake?" She asked the older woman.

"Yes, please. Are you sure you don't need any help?" Mrs Scarlatti asked.

"Trust me, I can handle a few dishes." She smiled over the loud whispers of her being a 'lovely young woman' that Mr Scarlatti kept murmuring to his wife.

She gently set the dirty dishes in the sink, wondering if this is what having a family felt like. She felt a burning pain in her gut and bent over, leaning against the sink, never in her life had she wanted something so much that she could almost taste it. She never thought of what she was missing: having a family, bickering and joking with them, having Sunday dinners. She straightened up and stretched, reaching over and slicing into the cake, plating separate pieces and grabbing a few forks, trying to steady her breathing.

"Let me help you." She glanced behind her and watched warily as Spike took two plates from her and the forks, "You okay?" He asked taking note of her pallid parlour.

Addison nodded, "All set." She didn't know if he had seen her compose herself and she didn't care, she was so far out of her element she was near drowning.

"Thank you for the bracelet." He said, not making a move towards the dinning room.

She glanced down at his wrist and nodded when her eyes found the black band, "You're welcome."

"You didn't have to—" He began quietly.

She shook her head, "I wanted to." She moved past him, glad for once that she was finally trying to get over him.

"Sorry it took so long!" Addison said, beaming at Spike's parents. She placed the plates down in front of the two and sat down, thanking Spike when he passed her a fork, she beamed the entire time they devoured her cake.

0000000000000000

Addison leaned over the wooden railing of the back porch of the Scarlatti house and stared at the darkened backyard, "Here." She glanced behind her at the newcomer and his outstretched arm, holding something in his hand.

"Thank you." She said, accepting the coat from him. She shoved her hands through the sleeves and wrapped it around herself, ignoring his scent cocooning her in comfort. She dazedly watched Spike move besides her, grasping the rail in his hands.

They stood there in silence, each one lost in their own thoughts, "Your mom helped me choose a few things for my apartment and brought me some cookies." She explained quietly to his earlier question.

She saw Spike nod in her peripherals, "She told me she brought a few bags of clothes, dishes and towels…" Spike said, not finishing his sentence.

She blinked away the webs of warmth his tenor voice always managed to wrap around her, "Yeah, it was super sweet of her. Her cookies are so amazing." Addison enthused.

Spike snorted, "I remember when I was a kid, she would bake these awesome raspberry meringues and my dad and I would sneak into the kitchen when she would leave the cookie trays cooling on the counter and would steal all of the meringues leaving one or two for her." He quietly chuckled at the fond memory.

Addison grinned wishing she could swap filial stories about her childhood but she refused to open Pandora's box, it had taken her many years to move past the pain and anger. She turned her head and stared at his side profile as he looked into the stygian night, "What?" He asked some time later, becoming aware that she was still staring at him.

She glanced away, thankful that the darkness hid her blush, she forced herself to think of something to break the awkward silence she had created, "I was just thinking you don't look anything like your parents."

He scoffed, "I should hope not, I got all the good looks."

She snorted, "Sure." She gave him that one, only because she agreed and didn't want to discuss something too close to the cards she was holding. "I should get going…" She said.

Spike pushed away from the railing and took a step closer to her, her arm touching his chest and she swallowed audibly, feeling his hard muscle and heat burning her, "I'll see you tomorrow." Spike said.

She nodded, stepping away from him and she foolishly admitted to the darkest part of herself that she already felt bereft, "Have a goodnight—" She cut off and turned towards the house, feeling his hand grasp hers, tugging her to a stop.

"Addie…I don't hate you." Spike quietly said.

She stared at him, wishing the shadows weren't so thick so she could try and read him, "What?" She quietly asked.

Spike sighed and let her hand go, "You know what I'm talking about—its just that, your presence made me realize that he's never coming back. That he's really gone."

Addison swallowed down the emotion rising in her throat, if she could somehow mantle his pain and make it disappear, she would. But it was something that he had to handle on his own, "Spike…"

"Mike." He quietly affirmed.

She nodded realizing that his nickname wasn't as personal, "_Mike_, I'm sorry about you losing him." She waited a few long tense minutes letting him compose himself, "I'll see you tomorrow, Mike." She said, reaching down to squeeze his hand before walking away.


	9. Foolish Self and Wayward Thinking

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. _

_Thank you to every single one of you for being so patient. My cat had to be put down, I was struggling with a few things and just needed to take time away from writing. I hope you all understand, thank you again. __Please enjoy and Please Review_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Nine**

**Foolish Self and Wayward Thinking**

Addison ran a hand over her forehead, wiping away the sweat before it fell into her eyes, and continued to jog on the treadmill in the SRU's headquarters' training room. After an evening of rolling around in bed, the sheets tangling around her legs, she finally admitted to herself that Spike affected her more than she cared to admit and that sleep wouldn't come easily. She had managed three hours of solid slumber and though she should be thankful she had slept, even for a few hours, she had kicked herself out of bed indecently early and drove to headquarters to get in some solid hours of exercise. She lost herself in the motions of jogging; ignoring the sounds of music in her ears and focused on her breathing and the momentum.

She felt the air shift in the room and turned her head, her heart stopping in slight surprise when her eyes caught sight of Sam smiling at her, she saw his mouth move but shook her head, turning off the music, "You're here early." Sam tried again.

She smiled and nodded, "Couldn't sleep."

Sam took the empty bicycle besides her, "Oh? You want to talk about it?"

Addison glanced at him, her new teammate and though he was a few inches shorter than her and probably tougher and older, she couldn't help but see him as her younger brother. He was sweet…not that she'd ever tell him that, "Nah, just working out the kinks. Why are you here early?"

He shrugged and threw her a grin, "Just working out the kinks." Addison grinned and tore out her earpieces as not to be rude.

It wasn't until forty-five minutes later that Sam broke the silence, probably to get his mind off the burning in his muscles, "Jules told me that you guys live in the same building…how's that going for you?" He asked.

She threw him an amused look, he might be fooling others on the team but he couldn't fool her: he liked Jules and Jules liked him, screw propriety and rules, what was the problem? It also could be the fact that she really liked Spike and refused to deny her fantasies because of rules and regulations in place by the ones higher up on the food chain.

But that's just it, they were fantasies and pragmatically speaking, she knew she should never push for more and plus, Spike might not hate her but she knew she wasn't his biggest fan. What she felt for him was all one-sided, why did she constantly keep wasting her time on wispy fantasies? She shook herself from her reverie, "Why do you ask?" She smirked to herself.

"I know Jules and you're getting to know her more now…she's very…social." He said and Addison had to stop the treadmill before she hurt herself: she was laughing so hard. She had to admit, she adored Jules because she was so…bouncy. She reminded Addison of a little girl and sometimes a puppy, following someone and pestering them with questions and comments.

"Thankfully, I haven't shown her my new place, though I think that soon might change." She grinned and they both laughed. Jules had already texted her quite a few times inviting Addison over for dinner and though she had a legitimate excuse last weekend, she couldn't say no any longer.

She smiled at Sam, grabbing her water bottle and took a large gulp, turning her head toward the side and stopped cold in her tracks. She saw Spike standing near the doorway of the training room, scowling at both her and Sam, and despite promising herself that she'd stop dreaming about never-could-be with Spike, she felt guilty that she had somehow betrayed him…and how ridiculous was that?

Sam followed Addison's gaze and smiled at Spike, "Good morning."

Spike nodded at Sam and despite what she thought they had shared last night, he was now back to ignoring her. Had she done something wrong—she shook her head, she had done nothing wrong, but she would find out what was eating at him…despite her resolve to move past this little _crush._ She gingerly stepped off the treadmill and walked towards the corner of the room where Spike was adding weights to one of the machines, "So…" she stood near him, making sure Sam was too busy fiddling with her iPod to notice anything amiss.

Spike didn't glance at her, "Look, you can't ignore me whenever you feel like it." She said when he made no move to acknowledge her presence.

She saw him roll his eyes, "I'm not ignoring you, I'm trying to press some weights." His husky voice filled with annoyance.

Addison took a page out of the book of Jules and ignored his waspish mood and smiled instead, "Good, I'll spot you!" She grinned when he cursed under his breath, enjoying his crankiness at her needling him.

"I had fun last night." She quietly said, and though she was trying to annoy him, it was the truth.

He nodded and laid out on the bench, his head near her stomach and she swallowed trying not to stare at his bulging biceps contoured by the regulated black shirt, "You have a habit of staring." Spike muttered, beginning his set.

Addison looked away and snorted, embarrassed more than she thought was possible, "Sorry…it's a habit of my old job." _At CSIS_, she finished in her head.

He glanced at her, "What old job? I heard Jules say that you were in the military."

She shook her head, not looking him in the eye; she knew if she stared at him, his warm chocolate gaze would stare into her and who knows what he would see. "Yes, though I wasn't talking about the military." She commented before realizing that she had sworn to herself that she wouldn't mention her old job, but she couldn't help it. She felt so damn comfortable with Spike.

"From where then?" He asked, his breathing becoming more laboured from lifting weights.

She fanned herself briefly: she was getting hot and bothered just by listening to him and watching him sweat, "Not going to tell you." She retorted before remembering that he was an analyst and could easily dig for answers in the computer.

She watched him do another set before he stopped to catch his breath and without thinking of the implications, she handed him her water bottle, "Why were you here so early?" He asked his eyes glancing in Sam's direction before he sat up, grasping her water bottle.

Addison shrugged, her leg resting against his thigh as she watched him place his mouth where hers had been and gulp down water. Only becoming aware of them touching when he shifted away from her, she swallowed down the sting of humiliation: she could always count on him to remind her of reality. And how he wanted nothing to do with her, "Couldn't sleep."

He nodded to himself, "Why?"

She shrugged and grabbed her water bottle from him, not wanting to be near him any longer, if her presence bugged him so much, why didn't he just tell her to leave him alone? Every time, her hopes would soar only to come crashing down when he would shift away from her or scowl. She sighed, "See you later." She mumbled, walking towards her locker, the air becoming too cloying being in the same room as him. She was a damned fool because regardless of how much he disliked her, she always gave herself hope and damn if it didn't hurt every time it crashed and burned.

"Hey Ed." She said, sauntering over to Ed's locker.

He glanced at her and rolled his eyes good humouredly, "I'm thinking about setting out a sleeping bag for you, what do you think?" 

She laughed, "I find it hard to believe that you're not a morning person."

He shrugged, "I love the mornings, I just hate getting out of bed."

Addison nodded, "Buy an uncomfortable bed: problem solved."

"I bet you have an answer to everything." Ed mused.

She shrugged, "I just like to simply things."

_Team One, suit up, we've got a robbery in progress…_

Addison glanced at Ed, "Starting early today." She muttered running towards the changing room.


	10. Destroy What Destroys You

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. _

_**Thank you to every single one of you and to Sascha for all of the kind words and thoughts. And thank you for your patience 3 I'm working on a twist and I'm still uncertain if I should implement it or not...though it's probably not as exciting as I would have you to believe. Anyway, thank you again. **_

_Please enjoy and Please Review!_

**Chapter Ten**

**Destroy What Destroys You**

Addison unzipped her vest and let it fall from her shoulders, resting her head on the cold metal of her locker, "Are you okay?" She heard Jules ask as the other woman opened her own locker.

She nodded, her chest hurting from the beating her heart had taken from the case they had finished earlier in the day. Jules and Parker had tried their best to save the younger woman taken hostage during the robbery; they had tried and had been unsuccessful. It bothered Addison because the younger woman had pleaded to her, had stood near her when she had been shot and inadvertently, it was her blood that was splattered all over Addison. She should have been used to death by now, she had seen death up close and had killed but she hadn't been expecting to see the tragedy and utter depraved pleads in the woman's eyes as she stared Addison in the eyes when she had been shot. She had seen the life ebb from the woman and it bothered her. It bothered her more than she cared to admit. Maybe it was the fact that Addison could see herself in the younger woman when she was a child, the same look had been in her eyes so many times when she fought to survive her childhood. She had failed the other woman just as she had failed herself so many times before. It was the failure that bothered her the most.

Wordy and Sam had shoved past her to tackle the suspect and she had just stood there, her face splattered with warm blood, trying to feign nonchalance. Parker had left Team One's van, where Spike was sequestered, and had told her to go wash her face and take a few seconds to compose herself. She had shaken him off and helped Jules catalogue the scene, ignoring the worried looks the team had sent her way. The rest of the afternoon had been spent at the crime scene, and though Addison refused to admit it, she couldn't remember what she had said to her teammates: everything amalgamated into one huge blurring movie in fast-forward.

"Did you want to catch a movie and get a pizza?" Jules asked, breaking into Addison's maudlin thoughts.

She shook her head and cleared her throat, "Nah, I think I'm just going to go home and call it an evening."

Addison grabbed a bag with her towel and her soap, not wanting to wait until she got home to shower, the SRU showers would do the job. She felt the acidic bite of bile rising and walked out of the changing room, past Wordy talking quietly with Spike and bumped into Ed, "Hey, Addie. You okay?" he asked worriedly, noting the blank look in her eyes and the sheen of sweat on her forehead.

She patted him on the arm, "Yes, Ed. I just need to wash this off of me…now." She said and walked past him.

Ed sighed, and joined Wordy and Spike, "How's she doing?" Wordy asked Ed, Spike shot a look in Addison's direction.

Ed ran a hand over his head, shrugging, "There's a bigger reason why she's bothered."

Wordy shook his head, "She served in the military, she was bound to see someone killed."

Spike stared at the doorway she had entered, keeping half an ear open to Wordy and Ed's conversation, "Does Parker know?" Wordy asked.

Ed nodded, "We'll keep an eye on her, if by tomorrow she's still like this, Parker will step in." Spike nodded and sauntered away from them.

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"Addie?" She heard Spike's rusty tenor at the entrance to the women's showers.

She ran a hand through her wet hair and grabbed her bag, leaving the room and saw Spike leaning against the doorway casually. Though he tried to feign nonchalance, she could see a scowl of focus between his brows. "What's up?" She asked, her voice husky from the crying she had failed to hold back in the showers. Regardless of what people said about crying, she always felt useless and horrible after she cried and probably looked worse.

He stared at her, "You don't look so good."

And despite everything, she grinned: leave it up to Spike to insult her until she felt better, "Did you wait all this time to tell me that?"

He shook his head, "Just wanted to see if you were feeling well. You…hungry?" He asked and cleared his throat.

Addison glanced at him and realized he was uncomfortable and she smiled again, "I wouldn't torture you my presence, but thanks for the offer."

Spike shook his head, "I don't know where you get the idea that I don't like you."

She glanced around headquarters and found it deserted before turning back to face Spike, "Every time I'm near, you shy away. See," She said and laid a hand on his arm, feeling the muscles bunch and ripple beneath her touch. She watched him and despite being annoyed that he didn't like her, she smiled when she saw his jaw clamp down, "Don't try to act like you like me, its okay Spike. Thanks for asking though." She said and turned away, surprised to find his hand wrapped around her wrist. She swallowed back the urge to wrap herself around him.

"Wait." He said, pulling her towards him, "I don't hate you so could you please do me a favour and get that out of your head?" He waited for her to nod before continuing, "And I'm not asking to be nice, I'm asking because I'm worried. So get your stuff and I'll follow you home."

"Spike—" She began, not sure if her hormones could handle Spike being in her apartment without having a heart attack, and damn it: she didn't think she had that much self-control.

"Do you seriously want to fight me about this, Addison?" He asked incredulously. She swallowed and shook her head, hating the fact that she adored this side of him as well. Ugh, maybe she should have taken a cold shower instead.

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Addison slammed her car door shut and rolled her eyes when she saw Spike get out of his car, "You do realize that Jules lives in my apartment building right?" She asked him.

Spike grabbed her elbow and tugged her forward, "She's worried about you, and if she connects the dots, I'll tell her the truth."

She tugged her arm from his; he was not making getting over him any easier, "And that truth is?"

He watched her punch the floor number in the elevator, he slanted her a look and sighed, "Are we ordering pizza?"

She realized poking and prodding him would only make him dig in his heels more than he already did, "I guess."

He nodded and followed closely at her heels; she unlocked the door and let him in. He whistled, a grin plastered on his face, "That's...some _bright_ decorations."

She threw him a proud smile, "Were you expecting anything different?"

He shook his head and motioned around the room, "This suits you."

Addison laughed and went to her bedroom, "Go ahead, make yourself comfortable. There's some beer and pop in the fridge if you want any, just help yourself. I'll be out in a second." She threw over her shoulder, closing the bedroom door behind her. She leaned against the door, holding a hand over her heart: she had to remain unaffected. It was the only option.

She ripped off her clothes and jumped into her plaid pyjama bottom and an old ratty shirt Florence—Spike's mom had given her and opened the door. She spied Spike in her kitchen eating something and ran towards him when she realized he was snacking on the last of her cookies his mom had sent home with her on Sunday night. "Hey, those are mine." She stole the cookie from his hand just as he was about to bite down and instead, shoved the entire cookie in her mouth. "These are mine." She said, glaring at him.

He rolled his eyes, "Attractive." He muttered, glancing down at her shirt, "Hey, that's my shirt!" He tugged on the hem and she lurched away from him laughingly.

She swallowed the addictive cookie and shook her head at him, snagging her phone and dialling the pizza place, "Your mom gave me this." She said before placing the order.

Spike watched her and waited for her to hang up before saying, "So? My mom gave you those cookies." He pointed out.

She shook her head and pulled out some money from her wallet and left it on the table before sauntering towards her couch, "Fine, I'll give you the shirt back later."

He snorted, "I don't want it back, I was just making a point." He fell onto the couch besides her, leaving a foot of space between them.

She crossed her legs and reached for the remote, "You don't have to stay…"

He shook his head, "Yes I do."

"No you don't, so stop playing the martyr." She snapped, annoyed that she couldn't figure him out.

"Addie, I'm staying, so shut up and deal with it." Spike retorted.

"Mike…" She said, tasting his name on her tongue and somehow it felt more intimate. He was sitting on her couch, if she just leaned over—no. She wouldn't, she couldn't; it was just his crisp clean smell that was so intoxicating and his husky voice that made her skin tingle.

"Addie…" He retorted, grabbing the remote from her hand and turned on the television, muting it. "Are we going to talk about today?"

She swallowed, she had been expecting him to ask sooner but still her heart stopped in dread. "About what?"

"Addie." He warned, turning around on the couch until he faced her.

She sighed, "She just reminded me of someone…that's all." She said, steel wrapped around her words.

"Are you going to tell me who?" Spike asked quietly.

She shook her head, "She thought we were going to save her, Mike. She expected us to save her, we are the only ones that _could_ save her and we failed. I was so close to her, Mike…so freaking close." She said, letting out a shuddering breath.

Mike scooted closer, grabbing her hand and cradling it in his larger one, "Addie, you know we can't save everyone." He said, trying not to focus on the memory of his felled best friend.

She squeezed his hand, absorbing the strength from him: "I know that, it's just…the look in her eyes when she accepted death…" She shook her head; she wouldn't obsess about it anymore. Oh, it would haunt her, she'd remember the younger woman's death but she wouldn't waste time trying to reflect on why it bothered her so much. "I'm sorry." She quietly said a few minutes later, breaking the darkened silence.

"Why?" He asked, staring at their entwined hands: Spike knew he should let her hand go, but he couldn't seem to find the strength to. Whenever she was near, the crushing pain of grieving seemed more palatable.

"For reminding you of him." She explained, squeezing his hand. She turned her head and noticed his warm gaze staring at her intently and her gaze lowered to his mouth. She licked her lips and saw in her peripherals that his gaze followed its path, her breathing becoming laboured by his closeness. She reared away from him, clearing her throat and gently pulled her hand out of his, "You should leave." She kindly said a few minutes later after she felt composed enough to speak.

Spike cleared his throat, "Why?" he asked and she closed her eyes against the heavier husk of his tenor voice, she had to distance herself from him, regardless of how painful it was and would be.

"Because I can't do this, Mike. I can't stand here and pretend that we're just friends: that we're just teammates." She explained, still refusing to meet his gaze.

"Why can't we be both?" He asked, wishing she'd turn around and face him.

Addison shuddered, gods: when had her life become so melodramatic? "Because I want more, Mike." She cast over her shoulder, summoning up the courage before saying, "All I'm asking is you give me some time and space." She turned around, her eyes blurring with unshed tears, she was an emotional car crash but damn it, she was trying. And that was all that mattered.

Spike moved closer to her, seeing her glossy eyes and forced himself not to reach out and grab her, "For what?" His own voice impossibly husky from holding back confused emotions.

Addison stared at his chin: if she looked in his eyes, she'd break, "To get over you. Please."

He stared at her just as her phone range, "Hello? Okay, I'll buzz you in." She said not meeting his gaze.

Spike sighed, "Enjoy the pizza." He said quietly, walking out of her apartment before he said something that he might regret later, shaking some sense into her because damn it, what she was feeling…was he feeling it as well? He didn't know, he was a bundle of confusion: he needed time to think, and she needed space.


	11. No One has Clean Hands

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. The action is taken from the episode "Clean Hands". Sascha, I wish you had an account/signed in, that way we can have a proper conversation, so I'll just say thank you for being such a fantastic reviewer. _

_**A**__ man does what he must—in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures—and that is the basis of all human morality.__ — __Winston Churchill_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Eleven**

**No One has Clean Hands**

Addison walked into headquarters, her eyes red and sore from crying and from the lack of sleep, and though emotionally she felt worse than the grime on the bottom of her boots, she physically felt pretty damn good. It could be the fact that she had ate an entire pizza by herself after Spike left, finished all of his mom's cookies and hey, maybe ate half a pint of ice cream too. And this morning, she drank a pot of coffee brimming with sugar and cream…ugh, she'd regret it later on the treadmill but for now, she allowed the blissful ignorance to lull her into oblivion.

"Had a good night?" Parker asked noting her private smirk. She glanced up at him and noticed the entire team loitering around her locker, and though she would force herself to get over Spike, her eyes sought him out first.

She shrugged, if she lied, Parker would know: she listed everything she had ate and was vastly amused when everyone's eyes, save for Spike's, grew in horror. "You ate all that?" Wordy asked, "Do you have a hollow leg?" He asked staring at her, where the hell did she put all that food?

Spike shoved his friend, trying not to show his jealousy that his friend was sizing her up, he even ignored the fact that Wordy was very happily married with a brood of daughters. Jealousy wasn't logical but he still couldn't help feeling it. "You're just afraid that she could beat your record." Wordy was the one on the team with a reputation for eating everything on the table and sometimes, Spike was worried that his friend might actually eat the table as well. He stared at Addison and noted that she didn't quite meet his eyes and though everyone on the team knew she was fine, he could see the strain around her mouth. Despite promising himself last night that he'd give her space, he couldn't help himself try to be nearer to her.

"You have a record?" She snorted in derision when Wordy grinned, "Name the time and the place." She said.

"My money is on Addie." Ed said.

Parker raised a brow and crossed his arms, "I'm pretty sure betting is illegal." He said.

"Twenty on Wordy." Sam said.

Parker shook his head, "Ten on Wordy and ten on Addie."

Jules looked at him, "You can't do that."

"I'm the boss, I make the rules." Parker retorted.

"Fine, my money's on Addie. We have to stick together, right?" Jules winked at Addison.

Everyone turned to Spike and waited, "Well?" Addison asked, forcing nonchalance.

He stared at her, "This is stupid, guys."

"Spike's turning down a bet?" Sam asked shocked.

"Five on Wordy." He said, feeling like he betrayed her and how stupid was that? He wanted to give her space and yet, he was beginning to think it was a very stupid idea.

She nodded, ignoring the slight hurt but smiled at Sam who had bet against her, "Prepare to pay up, sucker." She smiled and walked to the changing room with Jules.

Ed waited until Parker walked towards his office and turned towards the guys, "Anyone come up with a welcoming _gift_ for Addison?"

"How about shaving cream?" Wordy asked.

"Oh, yeah, that's good…" Ed sarcastically retorted, "You guys, she was on another team before coming here, we have to raise the bar."

Spike shifted on his feet, not wanting to prank her and yet, if he didn't add input, everyone would know something was wrong, "How about putting cream cheese in her vest during training? And when she trips…instant genius." Spike made a motion and a splattering sound. He didn't like the idea of pulling a prank on her but he definitely liked to idea of seeing her flustered and very, very pissed off.

Wordy grimaced and Sam shook his head, "Wordy, get a camera for that." Ed ordered, noticing Wordy's reluctance, "What? All of a sudden you're Mr Mature? Aren't you the one that put pepper spray in Spike's gear his first day?"

Wordy ignored Spike pointing at him accusingly and leaned in closer, "She deserves to settle in…maybe get complacent. Then you get the boots with the cream cheese." He said and Sam laughed.

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Addison followed behind Jules, laughing to her joke and took a seat around the 'round table' for a briefing, making sure to take an empty chair a safe distance away from Spike. She grabbed a few papers to stare at and focused her mind on the words instead of his nearness, she was a professional and just because she felt like an addict and he was her drug, she wouldn't sacrifice the team and her own safety because of her feelings.

"Okay team, let's go over the briefing once more." Parker said and turned towards the screen.

She shook her head, she thought her job was black and white but escorting a convicted serial killer as he flew into the country…somehow seemed so wrong to her. Though in a sense, it was the only way he could go in front of the judge for the victim's family to have justice but ugh…what a mess. "Seventeen women, six years." She muttered reading the damning file on him.

"Eleven months ago, homicide detectives were going to press charges and he bolts over seas. A month ago, he turns up in a mental hospital in Germany. Confesses names, dates, same MO." Parker explained.

"Didn't Germany say he was mentally incompetent?" Jules asked.

Parker nodded, "Over here though, he was found competent, so they'll fly him over here to us and press charges."

"What a great welcoming party." Sam mumbled.

"This is a joint op, us and the federal customs agency. The agent from the agency is…Delia Simple from the airport attachment." Parker said making sure he had pronounced it correctly. "Airport might be in our city but on the other side is international land, it's her jurisdiction and her rules."

"Our job is to escort him from the gate to the psychiatric facility: no one knows he's flying in today so there's no crowd control but if anyone wants this guy, they'll go through us to get him. So let's keep our eyes open. Gear up." Ed added tapping the table.

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Addison walked besides Wordy and Spike as the entire team met up with an airport security official as he began pointing out entrances and exits, she ignored the people glancing their way and smoothed over the scowl when the team walked by a reporter and a camera man, "Excuse me, is it true that serial killer—" She asked, trying to match Parker's pace.

He lifted a hand and moved around the cameraman, "No comment."

"Low profile?" Ed asked the man escorting them to the international gate.

He snorted, "I did exactly what you outlined, that's not us. I just don't see the big deal."

"Mr Brooder, by the time we get Mr Wilkins into custody to the time we get him to that hospital, he's as exposed as he'll ever be." Parker explained.

They moved to a secluded area of the international lounge and Addison lowered the black duffel with part of the team's gear to the floor as she listened to Parker talking with the official.

"Its just five minutes, tops." Brooder shrugged.

"That one reporter is going to multiply and become a crowd. We have to walk through that crowd and we have no legal jurisdiction here and anyone can come and kill this guy." Ed said.

"And that's bad, why?" Brooder smirked.

Addison rolled her eyes and noticed Spike staring at her, "What?" She asked covering her mouthpiece. She spied Sam, Wordy, and Jules discussing amongst themselves nearby.

Spike covered his own mouthpiece that was recording their conversations; "You know the reason why I bet against you wasn't to hurt you, right?"

Addison briefly closed her eyes, why was he making this more difficult for her by being so damn sweet, "I know, you've seen Wordy eat a lot."

"And because I don't want anyone to suspect anything." Spike commented quietly.

She squinted at him, "There's nothing to suspect." She said and moved away from him, feeling like scum.

He shook his head and caught her eye, "Don't lie, Addie." He said before releasing the microphone and sauntered towards Wordy. She frowned, why the hell would he say something so enigmatic and leave her wanting answers? Damn it, didn't he promise to let her get over him? Ugh, she suddenly wanted to kick him in the shins but they had a job to do and she wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

Addison spied a blond woman walking towards Parker with a determined look on her face, not even bothering to hide the fact that everyone on the team was eavesdropping into their conversation. "Agent Daley Simple, airport attachment. You're Sergeant Parker?" He nodded and she glanced around, "I heard we have a problem, which makes it an annoyance for me."

"I agree completely." Parker said.

"I can't move the crowd, you're just going to have to go past them." Brooder said.

Addison settled herself more comfortably on her feet knowing this was going to take a while. She sided with Parker and sadly, even though Agent Simple was slightly unnerving with her direct and slightly malicious look, she agreed with her as well. The crowd was too dangerous and unruly, bringing in a serial killer through the crowd composed of the victims' families and the media…it was just a disaster waiting to happen. Addison always prided herself in doing a damn good job but when it came to dealing with large crowds and heights—she always had to bite back the nerves.

"Boss, why don't we take him through customs and double back through a loading area and have a truck waiting for us there?" Sam piped, breaking Addison's ruminations and fortunately, cutting the time of the long spieled negotiation between Parker, Ed and Simple.

"I like it." Ed added, nodding with Parker. Addison nodded to herself, slightly impressed when Simple got on the phone with someone and began arguing quietly. She shared a look with Jules and both girls smirked, biting their lips so they wouldn't laugh. Parker glanced at the two women and shook his head: they were like little children giggling at the adults. He didn't mind at all but he was just happy they could hold back their laughter until they were alone.

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"All right, subject approaching, everybody up." Parker said.

Addison and Sam flanked the doorway, letting Jules, Wordy and Spike cover the middle, leaving Parker and Ed to flank the back of the group. Addison watched as Agent Simple announced she was taking subject into custody and then going to hand him over to the SRU where they would take him to a mental facility. She glanced at Sam and nodded, both of them walking ahead of the group and though Addison knew everyone wasn't too keen on the idea of escorting a killer into their country, it was a job and compared to some of their more dangerous cases they worked, it wasn't so bad.

They walked through a long hallway, stopping behind two open doors and Addison listened through the earpiece as Ed forced Jules to go with Parker to speak with the press and act as a diversion. She smirked when Parker quietly bickered with Ed before walking through the doors, Jules hot on his tail.

Ed took the lead with Simple by his side, "Diamond formation." He ordered, Spike and Sam holding police regulated shields in front of them, Addison lagged behind to take up the rear with Wordy. He caught her eye and she nodded, they had worked together for a short amount of time but during that time, Wordy had become her protector in some ways. He always asked her if she were okay, if she ate, had a rough night: hell, Addison had always wanted an older brother and she didn't mind their silent communication or his constant nagging and worries. She worried like mad about everyone on the team but she was a nervous wreck when it came to him and Spike…she shook her had trying to rid Spike from her thoughts. She had a job to do, damn it.

"Coming through the last section, all clear." Ed announced through his mouthpiece. They had been walking and weaving their way through empty hallways and lounges of the airport and Addison almost expelled a breath in relief: they were almost done.

Until gunshots rang out, Addison shoved the man to the ground, ignoring the fact that her hand touched his greasy unkempt hair and let Sam and Spike cover him with their shields, she lifted her rifle and scanned the hallway, seeing a man in a doorway wearing blue coveralls, a gun in his hand.

Addison returned fire, her heart almost stopping when she heard Wordy painfully announce, "I'm hit!"

She kneeled besides him, not taking her rifle and her eyes away from the man now hiding in the open doorway, "Where? Damn it, Wordy, how bad?" She snapped losing her patience amongst the chaos.

"I'm okay, it's the vest." He snapped back and she nodded to herself, if he had time to snap at her, he was going to be fine. She could worry about him later.

"_Team One, status._" Parker's voice broke through. Addison and Ed returned fire until they turned the corner, following the man: Agent Simple on their tails.

"We just caught fire." Ed muttered watching as the man ran from them. The trio walked back to Wordy, Ed recounting everything to Parker over their mouthpiece.

"Deep breathes, Wordy." Sam ordered. Addison stood behind the kneeling Sam and glanced around, watching as Agent Simple jogged past them, gun in hand and turned the corner.

"_The shooter?_" Parker asked.

"Agent Simple stop!" Addison shouted, raising her rifle and running after the woman. "Agent Simple is pursuing the shooter." Addison announced hurriedly into her microphone.

"Addie and I've got to go." Ed said, jogging behind Addison.

"_Negative, you stay with the prisoner._" Parker returned.

"She's got no back-up." Addison countered.

"Addie, go! Get her and bring her back!" Ed ordered.

Addison turned the corner and ran in the direction Simple had headed, "Approaching the mechanical room, level three."

"_Be safe, Addie._" She heard Jules' voice break through and she nodded despite being alone.

She opened the door into the mechanical area; weaving past boxes the deeper she got into the loading docks of the airport. She crouched behind a few boxes, spying Simple standing a few feet away from the man, each other's guns raised. "Put your weapon down, its over!" Simple ordered.

"Its up to you." She heard a man's voice counter.

"Subject is cornered, need back-up immediately." Addison quietly said, moving past the boxes and slowly walking up her rifle trained on the indistinct man and stood near Agent Simple.

"Agent Simple, take cover behind me." She ordered. The man jumped behind the corner and threw something on the floor, she shoved Simple out of the way, "Go! Go now!" and did what came instinctual. She jumped on the metal canister, her vested chest covering it, and distantly heard screeching of the frequency over her earpiece, the sounds of a high explosion almost breaking the earpiece as it rung through the team's frequency. She felt as though a truck had hit her, chest first as the canister exploded, she grunted and forced herself to move past the black greasy waves of pain as it knocked her breathes from her lungs and her heart stopped for one blisteringly painful second.

"_Addie!_" Parker's worried voice broke through the earpiece.

"Addison!" Jules broke through first, her eyes watering when she recognized the sounds of a muffled explosion.

"Dammit, Addie." Wordy snapped waiting to hear something…anything to signal that she was fine.

"Come on, answer damn it." Spike muttered feeling like his stomach was now falling through a bottomless pit.

"_Eddie, back up now._" Parker ordered.

Spike swallowed the nerves down and was hot on Ed's heels as they re-traced Simple and Addie's steps, leaving the prisoner safely stowed away in the truck, "Copy that, we're on our way."

Addison felt a booted foot kick her and she turned on her back, her face red and sweaty from holding back the shouts and curses of pain as the explosion ripped through her body. She felt like everything was on fire, pinpricks dipped in citric acid being pushed into her skin, she stared up at the man, as he stood over her, his gun pointed between her eyes. "Negative, stand down. Do you copy? Stand…down." She painfully grunted.


	12. A Beacon of Light

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. The action is taken from the episode "Clean Hands". __Sascha, still waiting for you to have an account so we may have a proper discussion :p The 'twist' I mentioned is coming up (I think it starts in Chapter 20…yes, I'm working on chapter 24 right now). I'm super worried about the twist, I hope people aren't going to lynch me or hate it too much…we'll see how it goes. Things start to pick up and go super fast in the later chapters (I'm just worried it happens too fast)_

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><p><em><strong>H<strong>__ope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. __— __Anne Lamott_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twelve**

**A Beacon of Light**

Addison felt herself being dragged by her collar and tried putting up a fight, cursing mentally when she realized her entire body was too stunned with pain to actually function. She felt helpless like she had when she was a child and bit back the bile, she'd overcome. She had to keep on fighting. "Spike." She muttered needing his strength despite the fact that everyone was listening.

"_Hold on, Addie. We're almost there._" She could hear his husky voice grow in worry.

She tried to say more but cut short when another, stronger wave of pain washed over her body, "Don't." She snapped breathlessly, the man ripped her arms behind her back and tightening her own handcuffs around her wrist.

"_What's going on, Addie?_" Jules voice broke though. She ignored everything and tried to focus on what was going on, not to let herself fall into the lulling blackness of unconsciousness. She felt the man run his hands over her, feeling for all of her weapons and began stripping her of all of her handguns, pepper sprays: everything that she could use against him.

He shoved his hand in her pocket and pulled out her phone, "Don't touch that." She snapped, feeling more protective over her phone than anything else.

"Nice phone, GPS?" He asked, throwing it down on the cement ground. She rolled her eyes; sometimes the bad guys were just plain assholes. He ripped off her helmet and took away her earpiece and microphone, fiddling with it. She bit back all of her curses and rude retorts, when she got herself out of this mess…she was so going to kick his ass…okay, maybe not 'kick'. But he'd definitely regret the day he broke her phone and robbed her of her weapons: making her feel helpless again, and handcuffed her with her own handcuffs…she was never going to live this down with the team when things cooled off, was she?

"That's our communication, we can all hear each other with that." Addison loudly announced from her perch on the cement floor. The man stared down at her and frowned, the earpiece snugly in his ear: the microphone was sensitive enough that it should have recorded what she had said.

"No, listen very carefully, we're going to do a prisoner swap in twenty-minutes. I'll contact you with the information." The man ordered, staring down at Addison with disgust in his eyes. "She's fine…for now." He threatened. She rolled her eyes, seriously? She didn't know why the bastard was doing this but she'd find out and it better damn well be a good reason because Addison was seriously starting to get pissed off.

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Parker motioned for everyone to turn off their microphones and they all did so, "Only communication is going to be by phone." Parker announced around the small room Team One had commandeered, his worry exponentially growing when he noticed how impatient everyone was becoming.

"Wordy, you still need to get yourself checked out." Ed ordered.

"I'm fine, we have to get Addie back." Wordy winced.

"Let's go." Spike shuffled his feet, his patience non-existent.

Ed shot Spike a look before turning back to Wordy, "I'm not sitting this one out." Wordy argued, his breathing laboured.

"You're not, that's why I'm putting you on prisoner watch duty. We need to have one of our own with the uniforms. Got that?" Ed quietly said.

"Boss—" Jules said walking up to Parker.

"I know Jules, but we don't have a lot of options. We just need patience, okay?" Parker said, patting Jules on the shoulder.

She sighed and walked towards Sam and Spike, "She'll be fine." Sam sighed, it should have been him instead of Addie, damn it.

Jules noticed how severe Spike looked and thinking it had to do with their lost teammate, she reached over and patted Spike on the arm, "She'll be okay, Spike." He nodded not bothering to tell her about the turmoil he was feeling. When they got her out, they were going to have a talk about their…feelings. Ugh, he didn't relish the thought but he had to tell her how he really felt and damn it, he wanted to hear how she felt about him. He wasn't going to let her play her silly little games any longer and try to get over him. He wasn't going to let her, so she could just get that stupid notion out of her head, once and for all.

"Jules, you're going with Wordy. Spike, Sam, you're with me." Ed ordered. "Floor plans?" Spike nodded and began pulling out papers, the three of them bending over the table and studying every nuance of the building.

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"All right, all right. Sit right here." The man said, shoving Addison down against the railing and she landed on her butt. They had walked for what Addison thought might be five to ten minutes, weaving through the darkened loading docks in silence. She hadn't really tried to converse with him and noting the way he tried not to touch her, she had a feeling that he didn't want to be reminded of her presence either.

She watched him look through a circular vent then leaned back against the wall, sitting down opposite her, "I've never seen it so empty before." Mentioning a waiting room that was emptied of passengers waiting for their flights.

Addison tried not to focus on the fact that he was now wearing her earpiece and had her gun and more on the fact that he looked haggard and pushed to the extremes, "That's procedure." She replied, trying to rid the attitude from her tone. "They've cleared the whole area for you."

He ran a hand over his forehead, "How are the ribs?"

She raised a brow; maybe he wasn't such an asshole all along. Maybe her first impression had been right, maybe he was just a man pushed to extremes by something…but what? "My hearing's a little shot." She replied not wanting to give away any of her maladies, lest he change his tune and start hurting her.

"Its just a concussion, your body armour should have absorbed most of it—you should have no real damage." He replied helpfully.

She snorted, oh, after the dust was settled, she knew her teammates would never let her hear the end of it: she doubted her reputation would ever be able to walk with its chin held high ever again. She rolled her eyes, she missed her team and she missed Spike…gods, how was he taking this? She hadn't wanted to focus her thoughts on him but in truth, he was her beacon of light, he was the only thing keeping her from drowning in the darkness. "I appreciate the planning that must have gone into this." She said, trying to find a vantage point to him, she was sure of one thing: he was a veteran. "You obviously don't want to hurt anyone."

"Well, the plans changed. I can't afford to be so considerate anymore." He replied, wearily resting his head in his hand, and sighed.

"Infantry?" She asked. "Air force? ...C'mon, not Navy, please."

He raised his head, not going to answer just yet and stared at her, "You?"

"Special Forces." She quietly replied, she had only ever told people that she had been in the military and they had believed her but they had never asked _what _she had done, and she had never offered. The only people that knew she had been special forces was Parker, her old chief, her former sergeant and maybe Ed.

"That figures." He snorted, "Jumps on a grenade." He shook his head. "Tell all the boys what a superhero you are?" He dryly commented.

She rolled her eyes, she had a feeling that Spike wouldn't even care…damn it, she had to remain unaffected by him, it was the only way she could get over this little…hill of a 'crush'…it was a crush, right? "Yeah, infantry." She said smirking, "Spend all of your time bitching about Special Forces." He scoffed.

She waited a few beats, "So…prisoner exchange, really?" She asked unimpressed.

"I saw it work in the Sudan. The Sudanese army had a bunch of rebels and they would turn them over to us and we'd hand over some of their soldiers, all super straight forward." He explained.

Addison shrugged, not wanting to point out the disjunctions between the past and the present, "This isn't Africa."

"You've got that right," He snapped, "if this was Africa, nobody would have a problem with what I have to do."

She nodded slightly, "You lose somebody you love, I'm not saying that I don't understand that—"

"Understand me? Don't even try to pretend, lady." He retorted.

Addison shook her head, trying not to take offense with the 'lady' comment, "What I'm saying is from an operational standpoint, I'm not seeing the desired outcome very likely, knowing our rules of engagement."

"The Sudanese had rules too." He pointed out. "Having wives and children of the soldiers at your door every night and the rules change. People can do things people never would have expected."

Addison watched as he pushed himself up and began pacing, listening to something in his earpiece and she knew in that moment that there was no way Parker would let the man listen to their conversations unless it was something they wanted him to hear. She feigned nonchalance and watched him disinterestedly as he paced. "Textbook loser…why not? I've lived with it long enough, almost done though." He sighed, expelling air as his shoulders fell before standing up straighter.

Addison frowned, Parker was playing a dangerous game, it was brilliant but it was damn dangerous. She just hoped it worked. "If you give him to me, after you can shoot me. You can do whatever, I don't care." He shook his head, listening to what ever Parker or whomever was saying. Addison frowned, becoming more annoyed with the situation, she hated not being able to communicate with her teammates and was dying to know what they knew and also share the things she had learned about the man. "Sure, come and meet me, Gate five-twenty-five. I'll have your guy: you can have her…five minutes. Let's get this over with."

"Let's go." He said, grabbing Addison by the arm and ripping her up. He shoved her forward with a new vigour and she tried not to stumble against his administrations, "Let's see if your boss really wants you back." He muttered more to himself than anything. They walked past doors and corners until he stopped her forcefully, and glanced around the corner, "Don't do anything stupid." He said.

Addison nodded, letting herself be used as a shield as they both walked away from the corner, "Okay, okay." He said loudly. Addison glanced up at the two members of her team and nodded, seeing Spike and Jules standing a few metres away from them and she tried not to stare at the rifles trained on her but rather at Spike. She had to admit, it would be tough getting over him when her body refused to comply. Her eyes sought him out, absorbing every detail and nuance, and she stared at him, letting him see for himself that she was unhurt. She spied Ed and Sam opposite on another hiding behind pillars and she nodded. If anyone were to shoot and take out the guy behind her, she'd want either of them.

"I'm going to bring up my hand very carefully because I'm sure you've got a sniper on me," He shoved Addison closer in front of him and held something up in his hands, "and I want you to see this." He loudly said. Addison didn't want to make any sudden movements but she had to know what he was holding in his hand above her head: if she had to escape him, she needed to know what was hanging over her head.

"What are you holding?" She muttered, staring at the space between Jules and Spike. She didn't want to ruin their focus and hers either.

"A hand grenade. Much bigger than the one you jumped on. And don't try anything, I've already pulled the pin." He quietly replied. She closed her eyes briefly; she could diffuse a variety of bombs but hand grenades with her hands tied behind her back with the pin already pulled? She wasn't damned Houdini.

She watched a flicker of awareness go through each of her team members and saw Jules swallow audibly in her peripherals. She didn't dare glance at Spike: she didn't want him to see the beginnings of fear in her eyes. "I don't see Wilkins in twenty-minutes, I let go and that's it." He called out. Addison knew in that moment that he was beyond desperate; he was suicidal, which was the most dangerous feeling of all. She knew they would never trade the killer Wilkins for her: screw her life, it was totally against protocol and she agreed with it one hundred percent. "Unless somebody has got a better idea." He offered a few terse moments later. She bit back a snarky retort and stared at the grenade as he lowered it to hover by her head.

A few minutes went by and she watched relieved when she saw Parker with Wordy following behind him both walked to Jules and Spike tapping Jules aside, "Hey, Walter." Addison stared at her sergeant, the moment her hands were free, she was giving each member a hug. Tomorrow was a good day as any to get over Spike. "Greg Parker, listen: we've got to figure this one out, huh?"

"I was under the impression that all of the figuring had been done, Greg." He called out.

"And I'm going to have to be honest with you, I'm not going to be able to give you what you want." Parker calmly explained, across the room, Jules and Spike flanked his side.

Addison watched as Jules slowly moved back, Ed and Sam hot on her trail as the trio quietly left the vast, empty room and she stared at Wordy, Spike and Parker. She was slightly surprised Spike hadn't moved, he still had his gun raised and was staring unblinkingly at the man behind her. Wordy had glanced at her a few times and she caught herself slightly nodding to him, making sure that he was unharmed and proving to him that she was unharmed as well.

"You want to tell me what this is all about then?" Parker asked.

"I just uh—to be honest Greg, I need some time here."

Parker nodded, "Okay, time. Do you want to explain to me why?"

He shoved Addison back into place when he noticed she had inched a few centimetres away from covering his chest. Addison shook her head slightly as both Spike and Wordy raised their rifles closer to their eyes. "I can't explain it to you, Greg because you don't know. Nobody knows. The people that say they do know? They're the worst. All these people say they want to help you? But they leave you alone and you've got to be alone to understand why." He agitatedly said.

"Why should he live? When every day what he did, kills all of us: a little bit more everyday." He said.

"There's always something left, Walter." Parker replied.

"What?" He snapped.

Addison glanced at Parker and saw his eyes flicker to her to make sure she was still okay, she nodded to him and he glanced back to Walter, "Your family still needs you no matter what."

He bit back a sob, "Family." Addison felt herself being ripped backwards and landed against him; he wrapped his arms around her, the hand holding the grenade over her heart. She stared down at it, ignoring the flicker of movement that went through Wordy, Spike, and Parker. "Let me tell you a little bit about my family, Greg." Addison rolled her eyes briefly; he wanted to have a conversation whilst holding a freaking live grenade to her chest? Addison ignored his loud bitter reflections, her eyes spotting Ed moving quietly behind pillars that were littered throughout the room. She glanced around the room and noticed Spike and Wordy inching towards them; Jules, Ed and Sam moving around them and she noticed Walter's ranting grow more insistent and louder: he was becoming enraged and it would be any minute now before he snapped and threw the live grenade to the floor. She glanced sideways and saw Ed coming from Walter's side rear and she inched away from his raised hand, "…Just a black hole!" Walter screamed, raising his hand to throw the grenade to the floor.

"Go now!" She shouted to her team, moving away from him. She heard a hissing thump and felt something hit her cheek before she shouldered him forward, the momentum throwing him forward and falling onto his stomach; she realized Ed must have shot a substance that solidified upon impact, encasing his hand in numbing foam. She watched as her teammates swarmed him, shouting and yelling for him to cease his movements. She expelled a relieved breath, watching as Jules shouted at Walter. She smirked; Jules was a feisty little thing.

"You okay?" Wordy asked, moving towards her.

She nodded, her eyes seeking out Spike and a brow rose when he stood up from kneeling but made no move to go to her, "How are you doing? Break any ribs?" She asked, turning back to Wordy.

Wordy scoffed, "Should ask you the same. Be right back." He left her to go speak with Parker. Spike walked towards her and she met him halfway, ignoring the chaos and questions thrown around them, all she saw was him and in her darkest moments, she had only ever thought about him.

"Can you help me?" She asked, turning around and giving him her cuffed wrists. He snorted and though she had seen fire burning in his gaze when he looked at her, his hands were more than gentle.

"I'm never going to let you live this down…why the hell would you jump on a grenade?" He asked, growing angrier and angrier: his husky tenor voice laced with anger.

She felt the metal give way and she turned around, letting him cradle her wrists and rub away the redness. She swallowed and shivered against his touch, "Mike—"

"No!" She heard Walter scream and turned to watch the scene.

Parker bent down to stare at Walter, "We know who's working with you Walter…c'mon, its Brooder, right?" Addison stared at the man handcuffed on the floor and noticed there was something in his eyes.

"He put the call into the victim's group for a distraction. Told you about our alternate route but what's this better idea you mentioned?" Parker asked.

"He's already in custody, what ever is supposed to happen won't." Parker explained noticing Walter's reticence.

"This isn't the Sudan, Walter." Addison pointed out; he glanced up at her, his eyes flashing angrily. She ignored all of the looks her teammates shot her way and stared back at him, "We have rules to follow, we can't change the rules: we've got a job to do." She explained.

Parker stood up and faced her, "What about the Sudan?"

She stared at him, had she spoken out of line? "He was stationed there last year, why, boss?"

Parker ripped out his phone and dialled a number, she frowned and watched as he impatiently waited for someone to pick up, "Wordy, Jules: get back to the prisoner right away."

Addison watched them go and turned to face Parker, "its not Brooder." She stated catching Parker's absent nod.

"What?" Ed asked her.

She glanced between him, Sam and Spike, "Its not Brooder." She stared down at Walter, "Who is it? I know its not Brooder, your eyes flashed when we said who we knew was working with you but you looked relieved when we said it was Brooder. What are you hiding?" She asked, knowing that kicking him when he was down was strictly against protocol.

Spike brushed against her arm, pulling her away from the very seductive thoughts of inflicting pain upon Walter and she looked at Spike, "Here." He said quietly, handing her one of his regulated handguns. She nodded her thanks and grabbed it, wanting to say more but knowing that she had to hold everything in check. They were still on the job: she could relax after.

She watched as Parker began cursing after hanging up with someone he had been quietly speaking to, "Okay, Ed: Agent Simple never phoned her superiors about the change in escort routes."

Ed glanced down at a pissed off looking Walter, "Okay." He said waiting for Parker to explain.

"Brooder was telling the truth, it was Walter and Simple!" Parker snapped at the man on the ground.

Addison cursed under her breath, "Are you saying that I chased after Simple because it was a freaking set up?" She growled to no one in particular.

"_He's not here boss._" Ed heard and cursed.

She glanced at Sam standing opposite her and raised a brow, "Wordy and Jules said that Wilkins is gone."

Parker bent down and spoke to Walter, "You think you're protecting her but you're not. If Agent Simple hurts that man, she's done. She's destroyed."

"Have you not been listening, Greg? She's already done." Walter quietly said. "Wilkins got her sister the same time they got my Julie. She could have lost herself like most of us but she was strong."

Addison sighed and forced down the urge to wearily rub her eyes, "What is she going to do Walter?"

"All I had to do was shoot him…its all she wants to do." He muttered shaking his head.

Parker turned his head, listening to something in his earpiece, "Ed, you're with me. Sam, Spike, Addie…keep an eye on Walter." He announced, jogging out of the room.


	13. Falling in the Whiskey Wave

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. _

_A/N: Hi everyone. Just to let you know, I will be posting more regularly (until I succumb back to laziness) because I want all of you to read the chapters I just finished writing. I'm so stoked to hear what you think and to see if you will be as affected as I was, if you'll cry like I am doing now…Anyway, I just want to say, I'm thinking about writing something not related to fanfiction and I'm riddled with doubts. (No, I'm not fishing for compliments) Your reviews DO make a difference to me and they are so very helpful. I know I've said it so many times before, but I am in your gratitude, reviewers and readers._

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><p><em><strong>D<strong>__on't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.__ — __Albert Camus_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Falling in the Whiskey Wave**

Addison walked in the changing room; her hair still wet from her long shower and sat dejectedly on the bench. Agent Simple had been shot and killed by Jules as the agent had stood over a pleading and crying Wilkins with a gunshot wound to his shoulder in the airport parking lot. Jules was sequestered away from everyone being interviewed, as was the procedure if ever an officer killed a suspect. Every single member of the team had left the airport dejected and pissed off; an agent had tried to kill a serial killer and had her life was taken in the process. Addison knew that Jules had never shot someone before and felt horrible: her sunshine friend had finally pulled the trigger and lost a little bit of her innocence along the way. She wished she could have shielded her friend from knowing the feeling of killing someone, she wished she could have pulled the trigger so Jules wouldn't have to mantle it.

She heard a door being opened and Sam's voice and knew immediately that Jules had been released. She shoved away from bench, not caring that she was wearing her short exercise shorts and a tank top: she left the room, ignoring that everyone save Parker was loitering around their lockers.

Ed whistled under his breath, wishing he had a blanket to throw on her, "What happened to the rest of your shorts, Addie?"

"Avert your eyes, gentlemen." Wordy said, wishing he had a towel or something to cover her with.

Spike swallowed and kept his eyes on her; ever since they had gotten her back, he had unconsciously kept her close to him. He felt bereft and pissed off when Walter had taken her as a hostage and he wanted to lock her in a room and set things straight between them but ever since they had left the airport, she had shut down: locking him out. He was growing more enraged just thinking about the fact that she honestly thought she could shut him out: the thing was, she didn't realize he had already breached her barriers.

She ignored everything and grabbed Jules wrist and tugged her away from Sam, "Hey, where are you taking her?" Sam asked growing more amused than worried: he knew them both: they were both fighters and would be fine.

"We've got to talk." Addison said over her shoulder as she pulled Jules into the meeting room, not caring that everyone could see into the room through the big glass walls. She closed and locked the door, they could see them both but they couldn't hear what was being exchanged.

"About what? Do you want to go put on some clothes? I'm not going anywhere." Jules asked kindly.

Addison ignored her, and clenched her shoulders: her hands tightening into fists, "I'm sorry that you had to take the life of a cop: our job today wasn't really black or white." She said, expelling it all her words in a whoosh.

Jules scoffed, "you're seriously apologising for something that you had no control over?"

"Well…if you say it like that." Addison retorted, "Look, I just think it's shitty that you had to take a cop's life—"

Jules sighed and perched herself on the edge of the table, "I know, Addie. But sometimes our jobs takes us where we don't really want to go."

Addison nodded, noticing that even when she had first met Jules, she never really saw the weight of the world on the other woman's shoulders but now she saw how much it cost Jules to remain so nonchalant about it all. If she could somehow mantle the weight for her friend, she would. "Our lives aren't black and white, regardless of what the law says. And all that really matters is that you go home knowing you did right and you tried your best, even if it sometimes doesn't feel right."

Jules sighed brokenly realizing that Addison saw past all of her 'I'm fines', and saw how she really was coping. Her shoulders slumped, "I know you're right, I know it. But it doesn't feel like it." Jules confessed.

Addison nodded, the first time she had shot someone, she had almost fallen into the oblivion of depression and for a time: she had welcomed oblivion. But she had come to terms about killing a man that was going to kill her and some others on her platoon, some days she still struggled under the guilt but she knew what Jules was feeling. And that was all that mattered: that for a time, both of them knew they weren't alone with death. Addison reached out and hugged Jules, "It _will_ be okay." She quietly said. Jules clutched at her and she felt the other woman nod.

"I'm going to go get changed now." She pulled away and patted Jules shoulder, "You talk to Parker yet?"

Jules nodded, trying to smile, "Yes and sometimes, it freaks me out how you two are so alike."

Addison reared away, aghast that Jules had just said that and was glad she had reacted as such when Jules smiled genuinely amused, "How can you be so cruel?" She mocked.

"Go put on some clothes, I feel like you're about to start washing cars for money." Jules retorted.

"A wet t-shirt contest? Not bad of an idea, but I don't think Wordy would look that good." She threw over her shoulder, smirking to herself when she heard Jules burst into laughter. She closed the door behind her and snorted in derision when she noticed Ed, Sam, and Wordy turning around and fumbling with something in their respective lockers: feigning normalcy. "I know you guys were watching." She commented, noting that Spike was absent. A part of her was relieved he wasn't there, she was holding onto her control by a thread; how the hells could she ever find the strength to push him away now? Tomorrow would be a good a day as any to get over him.

"What are you talking about? I'm just getting ready to go home." Ed commented innocently.

"She'll be fine." Addison stated, knowing all of them were worried about Jules, "just give her a few minutes before you kick the door down." She lightly ordered, walking past them.

"And how are you doing?" Wordy asked stopping her in mid-step.

She turned to him, feeling the warmth seep into her cold limbs, "I wasn't the one that was shot and took it with my vest."

"He wasn't the one that landed on a grenade…which by the way, you did not learn from us. We don't do boneheaded things like that." Ed retorted.

Addison nodded, the long and blisteringly hot shower had soothed some of her aches, "We do what we have to and as long as we come home safe, that's all that should matter." She said walking into the changing room. She stood in the middle of the room, staring at hers and Jules respective lockers before dragging her feet to hers and pulling out her clothes. She haphazardly got dressed, not bothering to care if the clothes matched or how she looked in the mirror. She wanted to go home and decompress.

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Addison kicked her apartment door shut with her foot, the duffel falling from her shoulder, hitting the floor with a resounding, empty clunk. She stood in the middle of her apartment, the shadows growing on the walls, the mocking tick as the hands on the clock moved forward. She didn't know how long she stood there, staring blankly at the nothingness that wrapped her in a deafening cocoon until a pounding at her door pulled her from the sticky, lulling reverie.

She shook her head and turned to answer it, "What are you doing here?" She croaked. Spike pushed his way past her and she blindly closed the door after him, "I'm not in the mood to do this again, Spike." She made sure to not use his real name: she didn't want to taste the intimacy of it on her tongue. She didn't think she had any fight left in her.

"Do what?" He asked, his whisky tenor a welcoming sound.

Addison stared at him, she didn't want to fight him, and she didn't want to fight her attraction to him any longer. She stared into his warm chocolate gaze and knew the way her stomach fell that she was a goner. After the tumult of the day, she was exhausted, emotionally eroded and she needed him despite fighting against the rising tide. She walked into his open arms and wrapped her arms around his waist, allowing herself to fall to pieces as he held her.


	14. The Edge of Laughter

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. _

_**E**__ach friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.__ — __Anäis Nin_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Fourteen**

**The Edge of Laughter**

Addison walked into headquarters, a slight spring in her steps. After falling apart in Spike's arms the night before, she had fallen asleep as he held her and had woken up in her bed very much alone. She didn't know which was more astounding; the fact that she had trusted Spike enough to actually fall asleep in his arms or the fact that she had fallen asleep standing up. She never doubted Spike's intentions: he had just helped her pick herself back up, put her to bed like an old granny and left her apartment, taking the spare key she left by the door with him. She should ask him for her key back, it was the right thing to do, especially after waking up with a new resolve that today would be the day that she got over her _slight crush_ on Spike.

She glanced around headquarters and nodded to Wordy and Ed lingering around her locker, "Hey, Wordy, hi Ed." She said, smiling uncertainly when both men smirked knowingly at her. Though about what, she had no clue. They both had an amused, conspirator sparkle in their eyes and at that moment, she was very much afraid.

Wordy grinned at her, "Hi, Addison." He said, not making a move to let her pass.

Ed rolled his eyes, "Let her though, man." She grinned at both of them, trying to quell the nagging uncertainty. Why were they acting so odd? "Training session, full gear in ten." He said.

She nodded and watched as Ed shoved Wordy towards the men's changing room, "Odd." She muttered to herself.

"Hey, Addison." She glanced behind her and smiled at Sam, her eyes catching when she saw Spike walking alongside him. She nodded politely and tried to ignore the fact that her stomach fluttered when he smiled at her.

"Hey, guys. Jules?" She asked quietly to Sam.

He sighed and shrugged, "Parker gave her a day off." He said quietly and she nodded, it would be better for Jules to decompress for a day but any longer and her friend would start to gnaw her arms off in boredom.

"Training in ten?" Sam asked her and she nodded, noticing Spike hadn't looked away from her at all.

She nodded her goodbye to Sam and began grabbing her gear, "Spike—"

"Did you have a goodnight?" He asked, his whiskey voice rubbing her in ways she refused to admit.

She shook her head, she was getting over him: she repeated her mantra in desperation, "Thank you."

It was his turn to shake his head, crossing his arms as he leant against the metal lockers, "Are you feeling better?"

"Yes." She quietly said, grabbing her vest and bent down to grab her boots, "see you in five." She threw over her shoulder as she went towards the women's changing room. She shoved her feet into her boots and laced them up, donning her vest and left the room, unsure of what was happening with between her and Spike.

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"_Okay, Addie: you're up." _

Addison nodded absently to Parker's voice in her earpiece and stared at the double doors, not sure of what was on the other side. Ed had called it a _routine _obstacle course but dear gods, she knew the man and whatever he called routine was far from it.

"_Kick some ass, Addie."_

"_Go get 'em, tiger." _

She snorted at the enthusiastic rounds the men cheered over the frequency and squared her shoulders, carefully opening the door. Her eyes flickered over the space and she nodded: she was going to show them how it was done.

Addison spent the next thirty minutes focusing on her body movements as she worked her way through the course, ignoring the fatigue that settled into her muscles, the slight lag in her breathing; she pushed herself harder, her pride exponentially growing when she realized she hadn't tripped once throughout the entire course.

"Done." She muttered, hitting the red button near the opposite door on the other side of the warehouse, signalling her completion of the course.

"_Damn Addie, you beat Sam out of first spot." _She heard Ed's voice as she leaned against the cold wall, trying to steady her breathing.

"Sorry, Sam." She said.

She heard a snort, _"Don't apologise, that means you're going to get Ed on your ass when we have our yearly competition with the other SRU teams. So, I guess I owe you my thanks." _

"Damn it." She muttered wishing she had taken her time.

"_What was that, Addie?" _She heard Ed's amused voice.

"Nothing, sir." She retorted.

"_Addison, can you go back through the other door?"_ She heard Wordy's voice and frowned.

"Why can't I go through this one?" She asked confusedly.

"_This is the SRU, Addie, we're not lazy here." _She heard Ed's voice.

She bit back a curse and sighed, turning on her heels, "Its not laziness, its logic." She muttered.

_"What was that?" _Parker asked.

"Nothing, boss." She said politely, cursing when her right foot caught on something and she felt herself flying in the air, face first.

_"Addie!"_ She ignored Spike's voice in her ear and brought her arms up to break her fall…though the point had been moot, she had already fallen flat on her face. A disturbingly wet, sickening splattering sound resonated from her chest and for a split second she thought she had exploded. She heard the roaring laughter over the frequency and slowly got up, smelling a tangy, sour smell from her chest and looked down, shocked to find what resembled cream cheese oozing from her vest.

"Ugh." She muttered, realizing that she might not ever touch the damn stuff ever again. "Very funny, guys." She mumbled, walking towards the exit, her entire upper body covered in cream cheese, she shuddered when she felt the warm, wet tangy cream oozing up her neck from her movements.

"_Are you okay, Addie?"_ She heard Parker's voice in her ear and she bit down on her lip, trying hard not to smile. So they had finally hazed her, was she now a part of their team? She hoped so because she didn't think she could handle another smelly hazing.

"Great sir…I'm suddenly very hungry for a bagel and lox." She commented, hearing the shouts of laughter raise an octave. She pushed past the two doors and walked down the short hallway, pulling out her earpiece and shoved open the door to the room where her team members were loitering in.

She saw Ed and Wordy leaning over Sam and Spike's shoulders as they re-watched the tape of her tripping and falling, "You guys recorded it?" She asked more bothered by the fact that they had proof of her klutziness than actually falling onto a bubble of cream cheese in her vest.

Addison zeroed in on Ed as he wiped his eyes from the tears of laughter, "This was you, wasn't it?" She asked quietly.

Wordy shook his head, still laughing, "No, it was Spike's idea but Lane wanted to record it."

She squinted at Spike, "Next time try vanilla pudding." She offered, a feral smile on her face that she turned towards Ed as he slowly backed away from her, his hands raising in a surrendering motion.

"Addie—" He warned.

She shook her head, "Come here, Ed!" She shouted, running after him and caught him, throwing her arms around his waist as she squished cream cheese all over his vest.

She heard Wordy and Spike laughing louder than Parker and Sam, she turned on her heels releasing him from her cream cheesy grasp and slowly walked up to Wordy, "Have I ever thanked you for welcoming me to the team?" She asked innocently. Wordy shook his head and slowly backed away, grabbing Spike and using him as a human shield.

"Really?" Spike asked Wordy incredulously.

She bared her teeth and manoeuvred around Spike, catching Wordy by his wrist and hugging him as he tried to wiggle out of her slippery grasp, "What about Sam or boss?"

Parker shook his head in disgust, "I never understand why you guys do this."

Sam smirked, "A bunch of children."

Wordy scoffed, "Don't deny it, Sammy. You were the one that helped with her vest." Sighing when Addie finally released him.

She smiled at all of them, "I'm going to go take a shower and hope I stop smelling like cheesecake." She passed Spike and forced herself not to glance at him until he looked away from the disaster that was her vest, and in that moment she decided to go for it and grabbed a handful of the white smelly gloop and squished it into his hair. "See you all later." She laughed to herself hearing the cursing emanating from the room.


	15. Lips that Taste Like Home

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. Things are slowly going to start picking up, so please remain seated, strap yourself in and keep your hands inside the moving vehicle at all times…that was lame, wasn't it?_

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><p><em><strong>AN**__: I've mentioned briefly before that I was planning on writing something non-fan fiction and I would __**greatly**__ appreciate if you would hop on over to fictionpress (user: strawberry-cactus) and check out my story: "The Betrayal of Amanda Corey". You don't have to be a member to leave feedback; I'd be so very appreciative. Thank you._

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><p><em><strong>P<strong>__recisely the least, the softest, lightest, a lizard's rustling, a breath, a flash, a moment - a little makes the way of the best happiness.__ — __Frederich Nietzsche_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Fifteen**

**A Fool's Hope and Lips That Taste like Home**

Addison kicked her apartment door shut with her foot and dropped her black duffel on the floor near the door, sighing loudly when she realized that she didn't want to cook and ordering take out didn't sound appealing. She reached up and haphazardly pulled her freshly showered hair into a ponytail and slowly made her way into her kitchen, "What should I make for—" She cut off her singing when she felt a vibration emanate from her pocket and pulled out her phone, "Hello?" She asked recognizing the number.

"How are you, dear?" She smiled at the warmth she heard in Florence's voice.

"I'm well, how are you and Mr Scarlatti?" She asked.

She heard Florence make a snort, "He's in great shape, what are you doing right now?"

Addison glanced around unsure of what to say, "Right now? Why?" She asked.

Florence scoffed, "Because I was going to ask if you wanted to come over for dinner."

"On a weeknight?" She asked, what was the old woman up to?

"Well, I know you have school tomorrow." Florence joked, "I'm making chicken cacciatore." She offered.

Addison already had her keys in her hand and was locking the door behind her, "Be there in ten." She said and hung up. She refused to be bothered by the fact that she would see Spike, she was a grown woman, she could handle her own. It didn't help that she had an inkling the older woman was heavy-handedly pushing Addison closer towards her son. She was proud of herself, regardless of all of the variables: she had treated Spike with utmost respect and indifference, despite the tumult she was constantly feeling whenever she was near him…or saw him…hells: even thinking about him made her stomach nervously flutter. But she was slowly getting over her 'crush'…right?

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"Hi, Mr Scarlatti. How are you?" Addison asked as Spike's dad opened the door.

"I'm very well, dear. You're looking too pale, aren't you eating enough?" He asked her, shooing her inside. She kicked off her shoes and moved them to the side, "Michaelangelo, make sure that Addison is eating. Look at the poor girl." He shooed her towards Spike, "I'll get you a snack to eat before we sit and have dinner. Florence, the poor girl looks ready to faint."

Addison watched bemusedly as she heard Spike's parents argue in the kitchen and turned towards him, "Sorry about that." Spike said embarrassingly, hands shoved into his pockets.

"I don't look that bad, do I?" She joked.

Spike stared at her for a few intense minutes, his eyes wandering over her, "You look perfect."

She swallowed and forced down the urge to raise a swooning hand to her frantically beating heart, "Spike—I wasn't fishing for a compliment."

"I wasn't complimenting you." He retorted, his whiskey tenor wreaking havoc on her hormones.

She couldn't ravish him when his parents were in the next room…could she? She shook the thought from her head, "I know I shouldn't come here for dinner…it's becoming a bad habit but your mom makes killer food." She quietly confessed.

Spike took a step towards, screw it: if his parents walked in, he could always pretend to be apologetic, "Why not?"

"I don't want them to think there is anything going on between us." She feigned nonchalance, "I mean, we just work together." She swallowed.

She could feel him burning holes into her as she stared everywhere but at him, "You did well today."

She snorted derisively, "Despite what happened?"

"What happened?" Florence asked holding a plate of what appeared to be crackers with something red on top of them, Spike's father trailing behind.

She accepted the plate from Florence with a huge smile on her face, "You spoil me. But thank you." She said, waiting until his parents sat down on the lone one-person chairs, leaving the small couch for her and Spike. Yes, they were definitely plotting something.

She sat down and subtly scooted away from Spike's end of the couch and offered him a cracker. He accepted and they both began to quietly share the plate between them, "Someone has to spoil you dear." Florence quipped a few minutes later.

She smiled hugely at Florence, once again wishing she had a family like Spike's before handing Spike the second last cracker, "You didn't answer me." Florence commented.

She glanced at his mom quizzically, "About what, sorry?"

"What happened today?" She asked.

"Mom, you know we can't talk about things like that." Spike interrupted, feeling his hackles rising.

She threw him a glare and turned towards his mom, "A few of the guys thought it was time for the hazing ritual."

Both parents turned to their son and scowled, "Mike!" His mother admonished.

Addison felt a moment's pity for Spike, they weren't frowning at her but she could still feel the heat from the glares shot his way, "Did I teach you nothing, Michaelangelo?" His father asked incredulously, his Italian accenting growing thicker.

Spike winced: she had wanted him to suffer but she felt terrible watching him squirm under his parents gazes, "No, its quite alright. It means that they finally accept me on their team…" She said waiting until she had their attention before continuing, "My last team wired a small explosive in my locker so when I opened it, boom." She enthused, making a huge motion with her hands.

Florence gasped, "That's barbaric." Addison grinned, if they both thought _that _was barbaric, she would never tell them about her hazing when joining the military and CSIS respectively.

She shrugged, "I thought it was funny." She grinned at Florence.

The older woman rolled her eyes, "I'm going to go set the table."

Addison jumped up, "I'll do it, it's the least I could do." She offered.

Mr Scarlatti nodded approvingly, "Go help her." He ordered his son.

She waited until she reached the sanctuary of the kitchen before snorting, "Your parents are so awesome." She mused, helping him pull out the utensils for dinner. They worked in quietly efficiency before Spike decided to break the silence.

"Addie?" Spike asked.

"Yeah, Mike?" She asked over her shoulder.

"You're a terrible liar." He commented dryly, alluding to their earlier conversation.

She swallowed and slowly turned on her heels, gulping more audibly when she found him standing right behind her, "What are you talking about?" She asked innocently, staring up into his warm chocolate eyes, becoming lost in them.

He stared down at her, his gaze settling on her lips and took a step closer to her, his feet trapping hers between his, her chest almost touching his. She shivered, "I thought you promised you'd give me space." She quietly accused. If she inhaled, her chest would graze his…gods help her, he hadn't even touched her yet and she was already a messy puddle of hormones.

"I gave you enough time to get over that stupid idea." He huskily retorted, his hand slowly grazing her thigh before resting warmly on her hip: the heat emanating from his hand so deliciously addictive and striking: she felt it all the way to her toes.

"Its not a stupid idea. Its logical." She grumbled, shaking her head when he slowly lowered his head towards her. Despite her resolve, her eyes fluttered closed and she reached up and met him halfway, releasing a groan of pleasure when she realized that his taste was better than she could ever have imagine. She felt his hands cup her face and he swallowed her moan, her arms lifting on their own accord to wrap around his neck. She pushed herself away from the counter until her entire body was touching his: her mind completely barren of thoughts but rather a sensory overload of pleasure. He lifted his head and she slowly opened her eyes, "Shit." He muttered staring down at her, his chocolate eyes fogging over and darkened with hunger and need.

Addison licked her lips and felt her body throb in consequence when she tasted his lingering addictive whisky on her lips. His eyes followed her movement and his hands slid from her face until both hands settled on her hips: she was in so much deeper than she had thought and despite his curse being the first thing he had said…she vehemently agreed with his sentiment. If kissing him had completely fried her entire brain, her body becoming a throbbing jumble of hunger: she was in so much trouble.

"What is taking you so long?" She heard Florence's voice call out.

Addison ripped herself out of Spike's grasp and bit back the gasp of protest when she felt very cold and bereft, "Sorry, Spike…was just apologizing for today." She lied, throwing herself back into grabbing utensils and cups, Florence glanced between them both and if she noticed something odd, she remained mum.

He nodded, shaking his addled brain, "Yeah, sorry about that mom." He apologised, turning his back on both of the women until he had his body back under control.


	16. Falling Upside Down into New Beginnings

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. I think the ecstasy from the last chapter will wear off for you when you read this…so, don't mind me, I'll be over here eating cookies and hiding from your fury. The action taken for this chapter is from the "Attention Shoppers" episode. _

_A/N: And yes, I'm still going to be plugging my other story, "The Betrayal of Amanda Corey" at fictionpress. I think you should definitely go check it out._

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><p><em><strong>F<strong>__riends are family you choose for yourself.__ — __Author Unknown_

_Trigger warning: this chapter mentions rape, and alludes to sexual abuse (not in great detail.) Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Falling Upside Down into New Beginnings**

Addison smirked when Ed commented about dragging Wordy's dead weight around earlier that morning in training, and shot a grin at an aggravated looking Wordy, "I don't know what the big deal is, Wordy: I mean, so you're the heaviest this weigh in…" She innocently said, ducking when he threw a crumpled piece of paper at her head across the 'round table'.

Jules retaliated and shared a look with Addison, "I got your back." She mouthed and Addison grinned.

"Are you guys ready to get to work now?" Parker asked, walking into the debriefing room.

Addison nodded, her eyes straying to Spike sitting opposite her and he glanced at her, his eyes warming when she raised a brow at him before turning her attention back to Parker as he briefed them. She tried to calm her beating heart, pretending that the room itself was hot, not her or her flushed skin. Addison let her mind wander, trying not to think back to the toe curling, earth-shattering kiss her and Spike had shared but she couldn't help it. Was it only two days ago that she had almost ripped his clothes off in his parent's kitchen?

She had worried about coming to work the next morning: obsessing about all of the what-ifs and how she should act. But Spike had taken the decision out of her hands and had been polite, generous and…_normal_—as if nothing had ever occurred. Though his eyes told a different story, darkening and smouldering to a dark chocolate when she would catch him looking at her. She had grasped the opportunity for normalcy and feigned indifference as well: it was as if he were trying to decide what he wanted and she didn't mind. It gave her a chance to keep trying to get over this little hill of a crush and pretend that she was just as indifference. She forced herself to ignore the way he had tasted of lust and winter nights in front of the fireplace, the darkening of his whiskey voice, the demanding feel of his kiss—she almost groaned aloud but was saved by the intercom.

_Team one; suit up—attempted suicide on a skyscraper on 34__th_

"Let's go team." Ed ordered.

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"_Be careful, Addie: she thinks the police believes her rapist and that he won't make it to trial. She's angry, and hurt."_ Parker commented over their shared frequency.

Addison nodded and took the lead, leaving Ed, Sam, and Spike to take rear as she slowly walked over the metal grating of the top of the skyscraper, ignoring the fact that she was so very high and that the metal grating didn't seem solid. Maybe she should have let Jules take her place and worked on the ground taking witness statements with Wordy instead. Or maybe she should have stayed in the van with Parker, talking with the woman's mother, or maybe let Ed take her place and negotiate with the younger woman standing on the ledge.

She shook her head and locked her knees, ignoring the wind that whispered around her, the biting cold that only came with high altitudes and slowly walked towards the blond woman who standing precariously close to the edge, "_If she makes a move to jump Addie, don't let her take you over the edge."_ She heard Ed's voice order.

She swallowed, this was her damn job: if she couldn't do this then Parker would question her ability to be an asset to their team. She was a sniper, she was always on ledges…though she never actually stood on one before and damn, it was high.

"Don't come any closer!" The blond screamed at her, tears tracking down her cheeks.

Addison gulped and held a hand up signalling to her team members to wait a few feet away from where she now stood, "Sara, my name is Addison Bennett. Do you mind if I come closer to talk with you?" Addison called out, ignoring the slow shudders slithering up her spine.

Sara glanced behind her at the other woman and Addison noticed her hands tightening on the railing behind her. "Leave me alone!"

Addison took small steps towards the ledge, "I can't do that Sara, I want to help you." She explained, raising her hands up.

"You can't help me, no one can!" She screamed.

"_She's getting more unstable, be careful Addie." _Wordy's voice broke through the sounds of rushing waves of the wind and her pounding heartbeat in her ears.

"I think I can, Sara, if you take a few steps back from the ledge, I can help you…I _want_ to help you." Addison said, reaching around her waist to clip her safety harness to the railing. When the younger woman took a slight step back, Addison swallowed and slowly climbed over the railing to stand besides the woman on the ledge.

"_Be careful Addison."_ Sam's worried voice said.

"_Please be careful, Addie." _Jules' pleading voice begged.

"_Don't be a hero, Addie." _She absorbed the steel she heard in Spike's voice and her harrowing vision cleared. She glanced down and shuddered, they were so high up that the people on the streets looked like specs of moving dirt, the only sounds were her ragged breathing, thundering heartbeat and the whistling wind.

"I don't want to live anymore." Sara sobbed.

Addison gulped down the bile and shook her head, "Yes you do. I've never seen someone put up such a fight before trying to kill themselves."

"What do you mean?" Sara asked, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"You fought back, Sara. You fought him during and after. You never stopped fighting. It is because you fought back that they have his DNA and can tie him to your case. He's going to jail because of you." Addison quietly explained.

Sara shook her head, "No he's not, the police working my case looked at me like I was—" She sobbed and took a step towards the edge.

Addison ignored the rampant orders buzzing from her earpiece, she was not going to give up on Sara and for once, she ignored her orders and forged ahead. "If you step away from the edge, I'll tell you something…please?" She beckoned. After a few long tense seconds, Sara nodded and took a small step away from the edge of oblivion, Addison nodded and sighed, she had never told anyone this but…she felt a pull with this stranger and spoke through the mouthpiece, "Sir, may I have permission to turn off my radio?" She asked.

"_You can't do that Addison, if anything happens, it needs to go on record."_ Parker's voice announced.

"I'll make you a deal, if we both make it, I want what I say stricken from the records."

"_Using your experience, is this the only way she'll come down?"_ Ed asked.

Addison nodded to herself, "She needs to know that she's not alone, that someone out there knows what she's feeling."

"_Fine but damn it, be careful." _Parker snapped.

She sighed and turned her head towards Sara, ignoring the fact that there was no railing in front of them to protect them from the strong winds, "I know what you're going through—"

"No you don't—"

"Yes I do," Addison interrupted, she never told anyone about this and suddenly, she was not only going to tell her tale to Sara but damn it, her team too. "It first happened when I was six by my aunt." She quietly said, feeling nothing at the memory but a numb hollow feeling that came with the knowledge that time didn't heal but it sure as hell made the pain easier to handle.

Sara glanced at her, "Did she—?"

Addison shook her head; "She touched me when other people were in the other room." She explained numbly, "And then it happened again when I was thirteen for an entire year by this boy in my class…so I know what you're feeling, Sara. I was you, I wanted to die, not wanting to go on…but I did. I made it, and you will too." She explained, steel in her voice.

"What did you do?" Sara quietly asked.

Addison shrugged, "What could I do? His mom was on the PTA, his dad was on the school board, he was wealthy and I came from a broken home. I told myself that it wasn't rape so there was nothing I could do. But you did something and I admire that. You did something I never could, and I respect that but you need to come down now." Addison said feeling raw from her tale and sick to her stomach from the stress of the constant terror of teetering on the ledge.

Sara nodded, taking a step towards Addison when a strong gush of wind threw Sara from the ledge and she ignored the shouts and yells in her ear and jumped, wrapping her arms haphazardly around Sara, the air knocking out of her when she slammed into the cement building.

"_Dammit, what's your status Addie?" _

"_Addie!"_

"_Report!"_

"I've got her, we're okay." She croaked, she ignored the curses over the frequency and despite everything decided to lighten the mood, "if its okay with you Ed, do you guys mind pulling us up? I really don't feel like hanging from a skyscraper right now." She dryly commented.

"_I should assign you to desk duty."_ She rolled her eyes at Parker's grumpy voice in her ears.

"You okay?" She whispered to Sara, waiting until the younger woman nodded before she closed her eyes, she felt sick to her stomach from the fact that she had willingly thrown herself from the ledge.

She felt Ed's hands under her arms pulling her up, Sam grabbed Sara with the help of Spike, "I should knock some sense into you, Addie. That was the dumbest thing I've seen since…ever!" Ed grunted angrily, a slight tremble shaking his voice.

She sighed when she felt solid ground under her butt and opened her eyes: she opened her mouth to retort when for the second time, the wind was knocked out of her from Ed throwing his arms around her and she was pulled against his chest, "Don't you ever do that again, do you understand me, Addie?" He quietly said.

She felt slight tremors from him and realized she was still shaking as well, "I'm sorry Ed. I know I broke the rules."

"Screw the rules, Addie. That was the longest ten seconds of our entire lives!" Sam snapped to her, helping Sara to her feet. She glanced up at Spike and noticed his green parlour but he looked away from her, swallowing noticeably.

Ed pulled her to her feet and she shakily pulled herself away from him, "We'll take her down." Sam said to him, nodding to Spike. She watched through the fog of her vision as Sam and Spike escorted Sara down from the roof of the skyscraper.

She glanced towards Ed, "Give me a minute." She mumbled walking away from him and falling to her knees, painfully emptied the contents of her stomach on the rubble and rocks by the railing. It took her a few seconds to pull herself back together, and she became dazedly aware that Ed was kneeling besides her and murmuring to her, "I'm sorry." She muttered.

"Don't be, I'd be in the same condition if I were in your boots." He quietly said.

She stared at him and realized that he didn't look at her with pity or disgust but rather, acceptance and worry, she shuddered and felt her eyes water, "I'll make sure its stricken from the records Addie. I promise you." He quietly said.

She ripped out her earpiece, not even bothering to turn it off and threw her arms around him, forgetting that he was the second-in-command, her boss, and mentor and just let herself be lost in the soothing strength he radiated. He rubbed her back and closed his eyes against the tears that threatened to fall: he would burn the world for her if she had asked. He wanted to go back in her past and tear apart every single person that had ever scarred her but he knew he couldn't and it killed him. So instead, he held her as she cried in his arms and promised himself that he'd protect her.

It was sometime later that they left the rooftop, his arm wrapped around her elbow even as they descended on the elevator. She didn't care if she would be reprimanded or if her job would be in question because of her revelations she shared with Sara. She was glad to be alive and every hurt and pinprick she had mantled fell away, when she realized that she was happy to be living and that it brought her here to Toronto. With the people that were now her family.

She stepped onto the street, happy that she felt solid once again and ignored the team loitering around the team's standard black SUVs: her eyes searching until they landed on Sara. She walked towards the ambulance, where Sara was sitting on a stretcher with a blanket wrapped around herself, "Mind if I sit?" She quietly asked.

"Please." Sara said.

Addison gingerly sat besides Sara on the stretcher and sighed, "How are you holding up?"

Sara shrugged, "I'm alive…were you telling me the truth?" She asked awkwardly.

Addison stared at the younger woman, "I'd never lie about that."

"I'm sorry about—" Sara pointed to the building.

She didn't bother looking up; she would only get petrified by the heights all over again, and shrugged instead, "Sometimes we need to be ready to die before realizing we want to live." She glanced behind her at her team and snorted when every single member, even Spike, turned around and pretended to pack up the gear instead of watching, "Look…I know I shouldn't do this—but if you want to talk or you need anything, you give me a call, okay? No matter the time or day, I'll be there." She reached over and scrawled her number on Sara's hand and got off the stretcher, she needed a beer…or maybe six before she would feel human again. Despite her earlier revelations about her past, she wasn't ashamed or angry that she had to share her past: she had survived the adversities and she would die before she let any of the bastards win.

"Take care of yourself." Addison said to Sara before walking towards her team.

Jules met her halfway and threw her arms around the taller woman; "You scared me to death, Addie!"

Addison wrapped herself around Jules and hugged tightly; thankful the other woman didn't mention her past. She was constantly surprised by her friendship with Jules and she was more than thankful for it. "Stop hogging her!" Wordy gently shoved Jules away from Addison and pulled on her wrist, throwing his arms around her.

"You guys seriously want to have a hug fest on the street?" She asked incredulously as Sam took Wordy's spot and hugged her.

"Its not everyday one of our own jumps off a building." Sam commented, punching her gently on the arm.

Parker came up to her, a dark frown on his face, "Sorry boss." She quietly said when Sam stepped away.

He shook his head, "I want it to go on record that you did not learn that move from us. You must have learned it in the military, you damn cowboy." He smiled and hugged her.

She wrapped her arms around him and tightened, "I'm sorry, Addie." He quietly said, alluding to her earlier confession. Addison blinked past the tears; the team humbled her, that after everything, they still supported her. She felt ashamed when she realized how much she wanted to hate Toronto but humbled when she realized how much the team was now a part of her.

She shook her head and pulled away from them, feeling hurt when she realized Spike was standing the farthest away from her and had made no move or comment to her. She was too emotional to even care at this point, "I don't want anymore talk about what I said up there. It's going to be wiped from the records, and that's the end of that. You get me?" She glared at all of them, waiting until she saw some of them nod amusedly before snorting, "okay, can we leave now?"

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"Are you coming?" Jules asked as the two women walked into their changing room.

"Where, sorry?" She asked, her mind had been wandering and obsessing about Spike…she just didn't know anymore.

Jules stared at her for a tense minute, "We're all going to the bar for a few drinks. You in?"

She nodded; the idea of going home to her empty apartment had lost its appeal the moment she had moved in. Regardless of trying to make it home, she would rather spend time with her teammates then go home and listen to the deafening silence. She normally didn't mind but after standing on the ledge, she wanted socialization.

"You guys go ahead, I'm going to go brush my teeth and take a shower." She said, grabbing her toiletries and made her way to the showers.

Jules stared at her friend for a long minute before nodding and leaving the changing room, her duffle thrown over her shoulder: her friend would survive. If anything, Addie jumping off the ledge had thrown the team even closer together, if that were even possible.

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Addison stood in font of the mirror clad in her black bra and her jeans, staring intently over her shoulder at the large bruise covering the entire expanse of her back, "Addie?" She heard the whiskey tenor belonging to her addiction and glanced behind her.

She tried covering herself and settled for one arm over her stomach and the other over her chest, "Yes?" She called out with a frown.

He glanced behind him and stepped further into the changing room, "I knocked." He shrugged unapologetically, having shed his work uniform: she refused to think how great he looked in jeans and a black t-shirt, the damn material sculpting every nuance and muscle. Damn it. Spike ran his eyes over Addison, for once, his concern overcoming every other need and his eyes darkened when he saw her bruises in the mirror.

She shook her head, "What do you want, Mike?" She quietly asked.

He leaned against the counter besides her and crossed his arms over his chest; she ignored the bulging muscles and reached for her blouse, "You coming to the bar with us?" She could feel the heat radiating from him and she blinked away the urge to inch sideways and plaster herself against him. His whisky voice sounded deeper in her presence and it made her knees weak: she locked them and leaned more of her weight on the countertop.

"Is everyone there right now?" She quietly asked, trying not to wince when she felt her back scream in protest.

Spike reached over and took the blouse from her, ignoring her protests, "I told them I'd drive you. You took quite a hit today." He said.

"I'm fine." She bit out.

"Can I make sure for myself?" He quietly asked, stepping in front of her.

She felt herself flush but forced herself to pivot and give him her back. She felt the heat from his gaze and shivered when she felt his warm hand graze her shoulder blade. She pulled away, "Don't do this, Mike."

He frowned at her, "Do what?"

"I don't get you, okay?" She snapped, staring at everything but him, "One minute you like me, the next you pretend I don't even exist. I can't do this anymore, Mike. I just want you to leave me alone, I want to get over you." She quietly said, trying to move away from him.

"I thought we both decided that you'd get over that stupid idea." Spike shook his head and grasped her wrist, pulling her towards him, "When you fell from that ledge, my heart stopped and didn't start until you were back on the ground, Addie. I didn't trust myself until we came back to headquarters, I wanted to shake you and wrap you in bubble wrap—every time I looked at you, I kept seeing you go over that ledge again and again." He pulled her into his arms and she shivered, closing her eyes, her body betraying itself, revelling in the feeling of her skin touching his clothing clad body. He closed his eyes and simply held her, breathing in the comforting and alluring smell that he found so addictive.

"I don't want you to get over me, Addie. These past couple of days have been hell, I've tried to pretend that the kiss didn't throw me for a loop, that I don't care about you and damn it—you are not going to get over me!" He ordered, wanting to shake some sense into her but settled for rubbing his hands up and down her bare arms.

She shook her head, "What I said on the ledge—" She shivered; she knew he was just as affected as she was, if the hardness against her stomach was any indication.

"Doesn't affect us in any way. It's in your past, don't let it shape our future." He quietly said.

She stared into his eyes and refused to let herself be lost, she had to make sure that he knew what he was getting himself into, "Mike, if we do this…we could get in trouble."

He grinned rakishly at her and jokingly wiggled his eyebrows, "Forbidden is the best kind of fun."

She rolled her eyes and ran her hands up his chest, "I'm being serious."

Spike sighed, "Don't write us off, Addie. Give me a chance…give _us_ a chance."

She nodded, "I'm scared but…I can't get you out of my head." She muttered, snagging his mouth with hers. She felt his strength and let herself be wrapped by his taste and his scent; she didn't mention to him that when she had been on the ledge, her only thoughts had been about him.


	17. The Stirrings and History of the Game

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. When I mention "Minister", I mean a government official. Also, I forgot to cite the last chapter, I can't really recall but I think the action was taken from "Attention Shoppers." That will be the last episode I used, the rest of the action coming up is my own. Also, I re-uploaded the last chapter to fix a few discrepancies in case you had received a notification or two._

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><p><em><strong>AN**__: Also, did you check out my story "The Betrayal of Amanda Corey" on Fictionpress? (Did you really think I'd stop bugging you about it?)_

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><p><em><strong>S<strong>__ometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.__ — __Gloria Naylor _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Seventeen **

**The Stirrings and History of the Game**

Addison stretched and let out a huge yawn before biting into her sandwich, "That looks really good, where'd you get it?" Wordy asked, falling into a chair opposite her in the SRU's lunchroom.

She slowly chewed and slowed, watching warily as Wordy unpacked his brown-bagged lunch, a frown marring her face when he began eating something that resembled space-food and road kill at once, "What's that?" She asked wishing she had a stick to poke it and see if it moved or not.

Wordy grimaced, taking a large gulp of his water, "I think it's supposed to be meatloaf."

Addison bent forward and squinted at the brown mass and for a second, she swore it twitched, "It looks…_tasty_."

Sam trailed in and opened the communal fridge, "What's Addie eating?" He asked, sniffing the air.

She shrugged: like hell she was going to tell them she was eating an Italian meatball sub made by Spike's very Italian mother. Nope: she was not going to open that can of worms. After last night, Spike had driven her home and picked her up the next morning, handing her a hefty bag with a grin and told her that his mom had packed it for her. She had expected after their molten kiss in the changing rooms that he'd try to stay at her place but somehow he knew she wasn't ready yet. He always knew even when she didn't.

Wordy leaned in close trying to sniff it and she kicked him lightly under the table when he dived forward and tried to snag a bite from the sub in her hands, "You're all animals." She muttered, finishing the sandwich with her usual gusto.

Ed came in speaking in low tones to Spike and she glanced at him, her body warming when his eyes met hers for a spilt second before she noticed Sam trying to snag her lunch bag over to where he sat with a pencil. She grabbed her bag, throwing a glare at him and Wordy before wiping her mouth daintily…or as daintily as one could after eating an entire meatball sub under eight minutes. "Let her eat, guys." Ed remarked, snagging the empty seat beside her. Their tactical error had been to dive for the food when she was looking, oh no, not him: he was going to wait until Addie had lowered her guards. And then? He could reap all the rewards.

She nodded to Parker and winked at Jules when both of them sauntered in, "What else are you packing?" Sam asked.

She rolled her eyes: she felt guilty for eating amazing food when they all ate mediocre but damn if she was going to share. She looked in the bag and grinned, "Cookies."

"Weigh in is next Friday." Wordy commented, his eyes gleaming when she pulled out a very large bag of homemade cookies.

Ed cleared his throat, "As your supervisor—"

"As your boss, you are required to share those with me." Parker interrupted, trying to ignore the fact that he would probably come in last with the weigh in…as usual.

She glanced slyly to Spike and looked away when he subtly winked at her, "I'm sorry, boss…but cookies are not meant to be shared." She explained, feeling a slight vibration emanating from her hip. She ignored the sounds of her team laughing and joking amongst themselves and pulled out her phone, staring at the screen. She gently set the bag of cookies on the table, her face blanching, stomach churning when she recognized the number, "Excuse me, I have to take this." She said about to excuse herself from the table.

Ed shook his head and pulled her back down, "Just talk to whoever it is here, we're not going to eavesdrop." He said as he snagged a cookie from her. Ed was slightly tired of how Addie always pulled herself away from the team, it was about damn time that she understood that if she were in need: they were there for her. And if she tried to hide something: they would find out. What was theirs was hers and just like her cookies, they were going to be his in a few seconds.

"Ed!" He made a grab for a cookie and he almost lost a few fingers from her snapping teeth but she relented: biting off the fingers of her supervisor was a no-no. Regardless of how tasty the cookies were.

"Oh god, that's tasty." Ed muttered, leaning back in his chair, his eyes closing on their own accord.

She sat back down and glanced at Spike, "Hello?" She said into the phone, shrugging at Spike's questioning look.

"_Bennett." _She recognized the voice one of her contacts when she did ops for CSIS. And though she recognized the number she had still wished it wasn't him. She didn't say his name, though Ed had promised her the team wouldn't be listening and it appeared that they weren't, she wouldn't endanger her contacts or her past at CSIS.

"Yes?" She quietly acknowledged.

"_Trevor Miller is being released." _She swallowed and blinked back her nerves. She would not jump up yelling, demanding answers: he had almost killed her three and a half years ago before she locked him away, for what she thought was a life sentence. She could still feel the aches in her bones and muscles after the beating she had taken from him but she had survived. It was all that mattered.

"That's not possible. The case was open and shut. Who was the judge for his parole hearing?" She quietly asked, ignoring the urge to shout her anger, she felt sheen of sweat over her skin and tried to ignore the greasy wave of nausea settle in her stomach.

"_Neilson." _She closed her eyes, who was the moron that let that happen?

Addison ignored Jules' questioning look and cleared her throat, "Thank you for letting me know—"

"_Our Intel suggests that he might be coming back to Toronto." _

She nodded, "Ideas?" She asked vaguely.

"_Keep an eye out, you're the first one he'll come for. You are the single reason he was brought down and went to jail." _

"Thanks." She muttered, turning off her phone and standing up. She cleared her throat and distractedly nodded to everyone, "Excuse me for a second."

She left her lunch on the table and walked towards the nearest room, closing the door to the briefing room with her foot. She fell into the chair and stared blankly at the walls for what felt like seconds but was more like ten minutes.

Someone opened the door and closed it quietly with a small click, "You okay?" She recognized Ed's voice.

She nodded, she was going to have to tell him, especially if it put other members of his team in danger, but she sure didn't relish the idea. She accepted the glass of water from him and nodded to a chair, "We need to have a talk, sir."

Ed frowned at the cold, hallow briskness to her voice and sat, not even bothering to feel annoyed that he had taken an order from a new member of his team. Though she was still new, he honestly felt quite close to Addison. Unlike Jules, him and Addie had become close immediately and though she didn't have the sunny disposition like Jules, she had a core of steel in her. But for once, she looked vulnerable and very, very small. "Tell me." He ordered knowing that what she needed now was strength and not kindness.

Addison stared at the table, "Almost four years ago, I helped to bring down a serial bomber and murderer outside of Toronto."

Ed frowned, he vaguely remember hearing details but the case had been on lockdown and nobody, not even the press, knew the details…was that the same case? "The minister's son?" He asked.

She glanced up at him and nodded, "We were told to get him before anything leaked to the press. What we were not told was that he wasn't just a random bomber, he liked to play games with the people first." She swallowed, "Out Intel suggested that he was a sporadic and unprejudiced bomber…"

He frowned, he did not like where this was going but he forced himself to remain quiet, "but…"

She nodded, "But he wasn't. He was meticulous. He stalked his prey and waited until they were cornered before placing them in situations that they had to enough time to try and escape but not enough that the bomb squad could dismantle the thing." She bit back more pertinent details, "We didn't know how long it would take to find him…"

Ed ran a hand over his head, how was it possible that someone so young looked so haggard? "Your team found him?"

Addison swallowed, "We weren't a team. We all worked alone on the same case, our chief wanted to pit us against one another so we'd have enough incentives to find the bomber." She didn't feel it pertinent to add that she had worked with one other agent but he hadn't been there when she had found Miller.

Ed made a sound and she nodded, "I know, our chief was…a prize." She muttered, ignoring his smirk, "I went back to the first crime scene and there was a young man loitering around." She swallowed cutting out the details of them fighting and her being hit over the head with a metal pipe, "It was the bomber and…the minister's son. It was an open and shut case." She sighed.

Ed glanced at her, understanding what she didn't say, "When are they releasing him?"

Addison frowned, "Soon, very soon. And apparently, he wants to come home and visit his family first." She sarcastically bit out.

Ed realized the threat and cursed, "It makes sense, no one would think differently if he came home and wanted to see his family. But we know differently, don't we?" He stood up and waited for her to stand as well. "I'll talk to Parker, we can gather as much Intel as we need before we brief the team."

Addison swallowed back the rising emotion, she had missed this easy understanding: she was so lucky to work with people that understood her so well. "Ed…" She quietly said and waited for him to turn towards her. She walked to him and threw her arms around her supervisor, "Thank you."


	18. The Interlude

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. The italics used later on in this chapter are a 'flashback' of sorts, as Addison remembers what occurred earlier that evening. When you get there, hopefully you'll know what I mean. I also have almost finished the last chapter for this story; the end will be chapter 's something wrong with the site, so hopefully this works, sorry about all of the emails. _

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><p><em><strong>I<strong>__ think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night.__ — __Bill Watterson_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Eighteen**

**The Interlude**

"How long?"

Addison glanced around her open locker to find a scowling Spike staring at her, she shrugged: trying to calm her erratic heart, "What are you talking about?" She asked, though she knew. After telling Ed, it had only been a matter of hours before everyone in the SRU had known and was on alert. She felt foolish worrying everyone but she also knew what Trevor Miller was capable of and she'd rather everyone walk on eggshells than die.

She reached in and grabbed her duffel, feeling like things between her and Spike were on a standstill and even though he was growling and scowling at her, she couldn't help but want to reach over and soothe him…or jump him. "How long were you thinking about keeping this from us…from me?" Spike asked quietly. And Addison knew the moment she heard the steel in his voice that he was angrier than he was letting on.

She shrugged and closed her locker, putting on her coat over her uniform, as far as she was concerned, she could get changed at home…away from the lion. "Look, Spike…can we not do this here?" She quietly asked, glancing around them and groaned when she saw Wordy saunter towards them.

"You leaving now? Don't you want to have a coffee before you run off? I'll drive you home after." Wordy offered, not seeing the glare Spike threw at him.

She shook her head, they were worried about her and she respected that but she honestly just wanted to go home, order pizza and watch a stupid movie. She opened her mouth to retort but Spike interrupted her, "Nah, I'll take her home, I'm headed that way anyway. Can you tell the boss I'm leaving now?" He asked Wordy.

The other man nodded, seeing nothing amiss, "Be careful."

She smirked and waved as Spike pulled her out of HQ, "Stop it, why are you acting like such a dictator?" She snapped, she liked when Spike got all heavy handed but not like this.

Spike glanced at her but shook his head, "Don't push me on this, Addison." He quietly threatened. Addison stared up at him before nodding her acquiesces, getting into the passenger's seat.

She didn't say anything, she just sat immobile as he stopped outside her favourite pizza restaurant, "I'll go in." She offered, already halfway out of the car.

"No—" Spike began.

She shot him a look, "I'm not going to budge on this Mike, I'll order the pizza, just wait here for me." She stared at him and smiled when he nodded, feeling quite pleased with herself that he had back down slightly: she leaned in and kissed him quickly on the mouth.

He made a sound and tried grabbing her, "Come back here, that wasn't even a real kiss!"

She grinned and walked towards the restaurant, she missed their quick, stolen kisses and ever since the phone call earlier that day from her contact, she hadn't really had a chance to talk to him. Quite frankly, all she wanted was a few days off with him so they could explore their newfound…relationship. She winced as she opened the restaurant door; 'relationship' sounded so…wrong for what was between them.

She placed an order and paid, finding a chair to sit whilst they made the pizza, she knew Spike wouldn't mind waiting in the car for her and the pizza and it would give her time to reflect on the whirlwind of the last couple of days. From almost falling from the skyscraper saving Sara, finding out that Trevor Miller was going to be released and more importantly Spike. A deep, dark part of herself was struggling with _something_, something so life changing that it scared her even thinking about her. Even thinking about Spike and her heart would flutter, her stomach would tumble and she _knew._

Addison realized it wasn't an infatuation or obsession, not a mere 'crush' any longer. She knew what she felt for Michaelangelo Scarlatti was something deeper and irrevocable. And she was doomed. She thought that by being around him, she could somehow get him out of her system, she could detox but now she realized that regardless of how long she spent in his presence, she could never get enough of him. She had a feeling that she could spend the rest of her life with him and still be crazy about him. She shuddered: what she felt for him was something she never felt before but that sure as hell didn't mean she could actually say the horrible four letter word. And she didn't even take his feeling for her into account…did he simply like her and that was it? Her shoulders slumped and she released a dejected sigh, and heard a familiar laugh resounding from the restaurant part of the pizza parlour and her spine straightened.

She moved slightly and edged her face around the corner so she could glance into the restaurant and her breath caught in her throat. She slammed back against the seat and closed her eyes: damn it, she knew her and Jules shared a love for this pizza place but she honestly didn't think Jules was that…careless about being seen here with…Sam? She did a double take and shook her head, it was definitely Sam with Jules and there was definitely something more than platonic going on between those two. She shook her head, she always knew the two were closer than normal and she felt a huge grin mar her face. Now she felt much better about her and Spike, she knew they weren't the only couple on the team but she was still feral about not telling _anyone_ about her and Spike. What they had between them, what she felt for him, was too private and too special to mention.

She heard her number being called and stood to grab the pizzas before bolting from the restaurant. She spied Spike and smiled: regardless of what she just saw, it was between her and Jules and though she lo—liked Spike, she wouldn't risk her and Jules' friendship. He smirked at her through the windshield and she felt all of her troubles dissipate.

"Sorry about the wait." She apologised, and buckled in.

He glanced at her sideways before pulling out of the parking lot, "No problem. I was just thinking."

She frowned at him when he made no move to explain further, "About what?"

Spike grinned, he liked Addie when she was happy, he liked her when she was cranky from hunger and lack of sleep, he liked sassy Addie and sweet Addie…he was beginning to think that there wasn't a part of her that he didn't like. He shook his head; he was starting to think that their relationship or whatever the hell it was wouldn't end any time soon. "About all of the things we should do tonight."

Addison stared at him and blushed when he winked, "I'm in."

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Addison kicked away the blankets that had twisted around her sweat-drenched body and punched the pillow a few times in frustration. She stared up at the ceiling remembering how gently Spike turned her down…how many times could she be rejected before she finally gave up and took a vow of celibacy? She couldn't handle all of these raging emotions and damn it, she_ knew_ he wasn't as unaffected as he appeared.

_Addison sipped at her cola and stared at Spike in her peripherals, he seemed pretty unawares of her raging need as he sat on her couch drinking a beer. Ugh, why was it always her that suffered first and the longest? _

_She straightened her shoulders and slammed the cola on the table, "Mike, put your beer down." She ordered and turned on the couch to face him. _

_He shook his head but did as she bid, "I'm still hungry." He playfully whined. _

_She frowned no way in hell was she going to be second place to pizza…regardless of how tasty it was, "No, you can eat at home." She muttered, leaning forward as she snagged his lips with hers. _

_He groaned and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer and for once, she didn't argue. She moaned and bit his bottom lip and smirked in satisfaction when she felt a shudder go through him, she shoved herself even closer and shivered in delight. She was surrounded by Spike: his clean brisk smell, his muscled arms pulling her closer to his hard chest, the way he tasted of happiness and hope. She slithered her hands under the hem of his shirt and ran her hands over his bare chest, groaning into his mouth._

_She moved around on his lap, the throbbing she felt becoming almost unbearable and tried tugging her shirt off as well. She stared dazedly at him and frowned when he moved her off from his lap. He reached over and righted her shirt before pulling his down as well. She watched confusedly as he rested his head back against the couch and appeared to be out of breath, "What? You..." She shook her head to try to clear away the fog. "What the hell, Mike?" She asked slowly becoming aware that she was so twitchy with need, she wanted to attack him and she was going to but he stopped her. __**Stopped**__ her. _

_He shook his head, his eyes still closed, "It's too soon, Addie." _

"_Like hell it is." She thundered and any other time, she would have agreed. They hadn't even been 'together' for two months and she already wanted to jump him. Since when had she become so impatient? _

"_Look, Addie, I want our first time to be special, not just a fumble on the couch. I want to get to know you and your wants more." He said, his whiskey voice even more hoarse from their time spent on the couch. _

_She stared at him, she felt slightly hurt by his rebuff but damn it, he made it so difficult for her to remain cross at him, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, "Fine. If you want to be sweet about it." She laughed when he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer to him. _


	19. The Coming Storm

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. Sara is first mentioned in Chapter 16 if you need a refresher. **And** thank you for being patient with all of the emails FF is sending to you, I'm constantly having difficulties with this site. If you can't access the update or notice something wrong, please message me so I can fix it. Thank you. _

_I'll be bumping the rating up to M shortly but for now, just be advised that there will be mild sexual content from now on (some chapters won't but I'd rather not say so every chapter, so please be advised.) And also, there'll be a lot more violence soon, be warned as well. _

_Also, I just want to thank YOU, if it weren't for all of you, I wouldn't write as much or as fast, so thanks. I'm working on the last chapter right now but be warned, the updates won't be posted every day (as it was a week or so ago), I'm kind of in a ...funny mood and if I'm forced to write, I'll kill all the characters off. Which would suck. I'm rambling. Please enjoy. _

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><p><em><strong>A<strong>__ll credibility, all good conscience, all evidence of truth come only from the senses.__ — __Friedrich Nietzsche_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Nineteen**

**The Coming Storm**

Addison walked into her and Jules' changing room the next morning with large, dark circles under her eyes and shuffled to her locker. Even after two cups of tea and three bigger cups of coffee, she still felt drowsy and frustrated. She was cranky and she hoped Ed would allow her to tackle Spike in training today…it was the only way she could somehow feed her bloodlust.

Jules fluttered in and said good morning and Addison nodded to the other woman instead, she'd best keep her mouth shut today or she could seriously hurt others and despite her dark murderous mood, she didn't want to hurt the team.

"What'd you do last night?" Jules asked trying to bring Addie out from herself. She spied the other woman before shoving herself into her uniform, after a night with Sam, she felt fantastic. Addison on the other hand, looked like she fought with the monster under the bed and lost…badly.

Any other time and Addison would have laughed out a response but today she felt absolutely feral, "I went and got pizza last night…you know our favourite pizza place?" She asked wanting to rub it in Jules' face that she knew about Sam.

Jules dropped her vest and muttered a curse under her breath, "Ugh…yeah…I know the place." She muttered, trying to calm her choppy breathing.

"See you later." Addison threw over her shoulder, leaving the other woman to stew. She tightened her vest around herself until breathing became slightly painful and walked past the lockers, spying Spike bending down to rifle through the bottom of his locker.

She walked towards him and grazed his butt with her thigh, "Oh, excuse me, sir." She said.

He glanced around with a frown, but didn't say anything: he could tell by the mean gleam in her eyes that she meant war and damned if he wasn't excited, "Hey, Addison, rough night?" He taunted, he had slept like a baby. Yeah, at first all he could think about was the need that darkened her eyes and the way she clung to him but after a while, his need for sleep overcame his need for her and he passed out. He didn't regret his decision of not going any farther with her and he knew she understood his argument…she just wasn't happy about it. And damned if that didn't please him: this was the first time in his life that he had a woman frustrated over him.

She glared, "Spike, can you help me get something from the top shelf in the equipment locker?" She asked, trying not to reach over and punch him between the eyes.

Spike frowned but nodded, maybe she really wasn't in the mood to be taunted…and when was the last time she willingly asked for help to grab something that she couldn't reach? He remembered one time, she had ninja-d her way to the top shelf by climbing atop of things…and when everyone heard a loud crash from the closet, she had dusted herself off and hadn't even blinked an eye from having heavy metal things fall on her. Wordy had a theory that she was actually a robot and Ed always made sure he was near the closet when she needed something. "Sure. What do you need?" He asked as he followed her.

Addison made sure that HQ was empty before shoving him in the closet and locking the door behind her, "You." She answered, throwing herself at him. This time she was the aggressor and kissed him as though he were off to war. It wasn't until she felt him harden against her stomach that she shoved away from him, "Thanks, cowboy." She muttered, unlocking the door and sneaking away from the closet with a huge grin plastered on her face.

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"Addison, can I talk to you for a second?" She heard Jules ask timidly.

She frowned and moved away from Wordy, Sam, and Spike and the map they all stood over to walk alongside Jules. Ed had demanded they spend the entire day training in the field with Team Two and it had gone swimmingly until she realized that she owed Jules an apology. Since attacking Spike earlier that morning in the closet, he had shot frowns her way that screamed revenge. She felt better…maybe it was the dark scowls Spike wore and she didn't feel like she was in danger of ripping other people's faces off. But she had felt worse and worse about being so cruel to Jules.

"Listen Jules—" She began when the two women were a safe distance away from everyone.

"What did you see?" Jules asked cutting Addison off, a fierce frown on her little face.

Addison straightened her shoulders and wished their friendship would survive this little bump she had created, "I saw you and…"

Jules glanced around them, "Sam?" She quietly asked, closing her eyes in dread.

Addison rolled hers instead, "The way I see it, I don't care what you do on your own personal time and if that means having fun with someone on our team…then why the hell not?"

"What?" Jules asked, was she hearing Addie correctly? She shook her head to clear away the confusion.

"Look, Jules, I don't care." She shrugged, "I really don't, and I know you both will _never_ jeopardise the team and regardless what _others_," She raised a brow making sure Jules understood the reference to the bloodthirsty psychiatrist they all had to see every few months, "think, we're all close. It's only a matter of time before we start to…_like_ other team members." She held up a hand, "The single ones anyway…and not boss." She shuddered.

Jules slowly smiled, "Are you serious?"

"Well…I mean, if you want to try and date boss-man, by all means." She explained obtusely.

Jules laughed and quieted herself when they earned a few questioning looks, "Technically, its against the rules."

It was Addison's turn to laugh, "I'll admit, I'll always be the first ones to stick to the rules except when they hinder instead of help. And this rule definitely hinders us. It's not like we're going to screw up just because we're in a relationship with a team member." She stated, making sure to add herself to the conversation.

Jules' ears perked, "We?"

Addison leaned down to whisper to Jules, "I guess I'm to blame for Mr Cranky-pants."

Jules whipped her head to glance at Spike and back to Addison, "Are you serious?"

She shrugged, "I tried not to but…his mom makes really great cookies." She didn't mention his rocket slippers; those were between her and the Scarlatti family.

Jules laughed, "Okay, I feel so much better. Till death?" She asked, extending her hand.

Addison latched on and shook it, "Till death." She pledged.

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"Good time up there." Wordy commented.

She shrugged, her breathing slowly returning back to normal, she tore off her vest as they both slowly walked back towards HQ. At first, she didn't think she could do two hundred more steps with sixty pounds on her back but after a while, everything became numb and nothing hurt, making it a possible feat. "You didn't do so bad yourself."

He grinned, "Are you coming with us for a few beers?"

Addison opened her mouth to answer but stopped when she felt her phone vibrate, "Excuse me for a second." She apologised, stopping in the middle of the hallway to answer the call.

"Hello?" She asked quietly, not recognising the number.

"Addison? Its Sara." A scared woman's voice answered.

She straightened her shoulders, Sara as in the jumper she saved? "Sara…are you okay?" Being the first and only person she had ever given her number to that wasn't a law enforcement official, she was hesitant on the protocols on speaking with civilians but the way Sara's voice hitched in terror, she didn't have to wonder long.

"Yeah…I just…I think someone is following me, Addison." Sara shuddered, her breathing steadying.

"Where are you? I'll pick you up." Addison ordered, she never questioned why she had first reached out and offered her number to the other woman because she knew Sara and her were a lot alike. Addison saw a small fragile steel core that hid beneath all of the layers in the other woman. She was fragile but she was also more importantly, a survivor.

"No…I just got home and all day I've been feeling like someone has been following me and every time I look behind me, there's no one." She laughed nervously, "Sorry I panicked and phoned you; you're my safe-call."

Addison shook her head, still feeling uneasy, "Usually, if you feel like someone is following you, its because they are." She explained, "Just tell me your address and I'll stop by with some food later tonight."

Sara laughed her off, "No, seriously, I'm so sorry to have bothered you. I'm just going to call it an early evening."

"Can you phone me tomorrow?" She asked, still worried as hell. Sara had once exhibited a strong enough suicidal tendency to almost jump from a ledge and she'd feel much better if she checked up on the other woman tomorrow.

Sara sighed, "Sure, I guess…but you don't have to make a big deal out of this."

Addison shook her head to herself, "No, its not a big deal, I just want to make sure you're okay. You obviously were scared enough to phone me, and I'd feel much better hearing from you tomorrow. Have a goodnight, okay?" They said their goodbyes and Addison shuffled into HQ, feeling an odd tingle at the back of her spine, as though her body knew a storm was approaching.


	20. The Beginnings of the End

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. Sara is first mentioned in Chapter 16 if you need a refresher. Thank you for being so patient, this month is midterm/paper writing month, I'll try to update whenever possible. I still haven't written the last chapter, I'm hoping one day to wake up and it'll be written but no such luck. Also, to the anonymous reviewer, you have to register to get alerts sent to your email. Has anyone else been getting alerts properly? Anyway, here's the cake and cookies for you. _

_**W**__e are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.__ — __George Bernard Shaw_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty**

**The Beginnings of the End**

Addison strolled into HQ, yawning hugely beneath her hand, "Didn't get enough sleep?" A voice asked from the lockers.

She said good morning to Wordy, and Sam before turning to glare at Ed, "For once, you're the morning person and I'm not." She complained. She opened her locker, glancing at Sam in her peripherals and noticed that he was staring at her with an inscrutable look on his face; she quickly wondered what Jules had said to him the day before for him to stare at her so intensely.

"Did you have a rough night?" Wordy asked.

She shook her head, "Just had a lot going around in my head. I think this weekend I'm going to stay in bed and do nothing but just watch re-runs and eat popcorn." She smiled and quietly added Spike to the equation in her head. She laughed along with them but knew the moment Spike entered HQ when her heart began beating twice-fold.

"Meeting in fifteen." Ed ordered over his shoulder.

"See you guys." Wordy added, trailing after Ed.

She turned and faced Spike, a smile on her face when she felt a hand wrap around her elbow, "Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?" Spike opened his locker and shot a scowl over her shoulder at the person touching her.

She turned and found Sam staring at her, "Yeah, sure. I'll see you soon." She added to Spike before walking away with Sam.

Spike stared after her and felt a surge of jealousy, which confused him. Sam was like a brother to him so why was he jealous? Maybe it was the way he noticed Sam staring at her when he entered HQ or his hand on her elbow…Spike shook his head. He missed her and he was just feeling antsy that was all: he had no reasons to be jealous…right? He ran a hand over his face, he hadn't spent the evening with her, they both had been too tired and so he had just kissed her goodnight, texted her a few times and called it a night. But this weekend, he had plans for them.

Addison glanced over her shoulder to see Spike slamming things around in his locker, before staring intently down at Sam, "What's up?" She asked politely and bit back a laugh when she realized how awkward he was looking.

"Umm…Jules—" He began, clearing his throat.

And a light dawned, "Don't worry about it, Sam. Seriously, Jules and I already talked about it." She said cutting him off, wanting to leave behind this awkward conversation.

He nodded, "I know that, I just want to make sure…she was pretty upset—"

She winced, "Yeah, I'm sorry for that, I was having a rough morning but I swear, I'm quite apathetic to what you two are doing."

Sam smiled, "Thanks, Addie."

She gently punched him on the shoulder, "Now go away before she starts getting jealous." She left him standing there with a secretive smile over his face and slowly sauntered towards Spike.

She winced when he slammed his locker closed, "Rough night?" She asked quietly.

"Its nothing." He bit out.

She glanced around them and noticed that they had about six minutes before their team would start wondering where both of them were, "Come here." She muttered, tugging him along to the women's changing room.

"Addison, I can't—" He stopped on the threshold when he spotted Jules.

Jules glanced at him nonchalantly, something he wasn't expecting and smiled at Addison, "Hey guys. Did you need a minute?" She asked.

Addison nodded, "Sorry about this Jules…we just—"

"Don't worry about it, next time it's your turn to leave." She joked and Addison grinned after her.

Spike entered the room and pulled his arm from Addison's grasp, "What do you think you're doing?"

She straightened her shoulders, "I'm going to explain something, real slow and simple for you…okay?" She waited until Spike nodded before continuing, "I don't know why you're so ruffled. Jules and Sam know about us, just like we know about them—"

He glanced at her, his jealous anger dissipating, "Jules and Sam?"

She rolled her eyes: bingo, "And I don't know why you're jealous—"

"I'm not jealous." Spike retorted feeling more than a little relieved.

"Yes you are." She replied, moving until her chest bumped his and wrapped her arms around his neck, "And Mike? I only ever see you. There's no one else for me." She whispered, kissing him chastely on the lips. She pulled back before they would both end up on the floor in a mass of hormones. "And now we go to work." She said, hugging him before pulling away from him.

She waited until Spike had entered the room and sat at the round table before waltzing in with her cup of tea and quietly took a seat. She nodded her thanks to Parker when he handed her a dossier and leaned back in her chair, glancing at the clock. She wasn't really worried yet, it was still too early for Sara to call but she made a mental note to phone Sara if it got later in the day.

_Suit up Team One; we have a robbery in progress…_

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Addison threw the black duffel in the trunk of one of the team's vehicle, and glanced once more at her watch, "damn it." She cursed, time had gotten away from her and it was nearing the dinner hour and Sara still hadn't called. She pulled out her phone and realized Sara hadn't left any messages, something was wrong and it wasn't just her wayward instincts.

"I'll be right back." She muttered to Ed.

"You okay?" He asked.

She nodded, walking towards the team's trailer where they kept all computers during cases and opened the door, "Hey boss." She spied him standing near the corkboard.

"Addison, good job out there." Parker said not tearing his eyes away from the pictures.

"Thanks boss." She absently said, her eyes seeking out Spike amongst the computers.

"Hey." He said, typing something that quite frankly, Addison didn't care about.

"Hi. I was wondering if you could do me a favour and look something up for me." She asked, ignoring the way Parker's ears perked in their direction.

"Sure, I'll do it as soon as we get to HQ." Spike said, glancing at her and noted the way she was frowning severely but couldn't reach out to comfort her.

She shook her head; "I would really appreciate it if you could look now, so a uniform can take me before I head back to HQ."

Parker moved away from the open folder and board, joining the duo, "What's the problem, Addie?"

Spike turned to face her, "Sure, what did you want me to look for?"

She swallowed, here was the tricky part, "I need an address."

"Sure, full name?" Spike asked.

She glanced at Parker, damn it: "I don't know. We worked her case a while back."

Parker stared at her and she felt colour tinge her cheeks, "Addison, that's against departmental regulations."

She nodded wanting to rub away the worry and dread, "I know…its just that yesterday she phoned me nearly hysterical and I refused to hang up until she promised me that she would phone me back this morning." She glanced at her watch and bit back a curse, "And it's too late for her to forget."

"You gave her your phone number?" Spike asked.

"It was the Sara Smithson's case, wasn't it?" Parker asked astutely: he should have reprimanded Addison but even he wasn't surprised. He remembered working the case and how Addison had shielded Sara, even throughout the paperwork process, she had defended the woman. Quite frankly, they all had cases that they felt closer to and this was hers: he'd respect that and protect that.

She nodded, "I think something is wrong and I'd feel better if I just go and check up on her."

"Got it." Spike said triumphantly a few moments later and she forced herself not to kiss him madly.

"Thanks."

"And you'll go with one of us." Parker ordered.

"Sir…" She began.

"Stop being so stubborn." She heard Spike mutter which earned him a glare.

"Either I send a team member with you or you don't go at all. And that's an order, Bennett." Parker said in a voice that brooked no argument.

She sighed, "Yes, boss."

Parker reached down to his belt to turn on the team's frequency, "Wordy, could you please escort Addison…" He rattled off the address and stared at her, "Be safe and keep an eye out."

"Its probably nothing, Sarge." She said wishing they didn't make a big deal out of it.

He shook his head, "You have great instincts Addison and you're a member of this team. Deal with it." He said smirking when she finally shuffled out.

0000000000000000

"Alright, keep an eye out for any suspicious behaviour. I'll take up the rear."

She rolled her eyes and slammed the passenger door shut, "Yes, Wordy, sir."

He rolled his eyes, "Hey, if you think something's wrong, then it probably is."

She squared her shoulders: she was humbled by the endless faith her teammates had for her, "Okay, let's get this over with." She straightened her shoulders and trailed after him.

They both ascended the stairs and slowly made their way to the second floor, Addison moved forward, letting Wordy flank her right and she pounded on the door, "Sara, its Addison." She knocked four more times for good measure before shooting a look to Wordy.

"Use your gloves." He said and she swallowed down the nerves. He was right, if this was now a crime scene, she shouldn't touch anything, not even the door handle without her gloves on.

She shoved her hands into the gloves and tried the door handle, shooting a look to Wordy when it smoothly opened. "Get ready." She said, and they both pulled out their regulated handguns.

"Sara, this is the SRU, we're coming in." Wordy shouted, nodding to Addison.

She kicked the door wider and they both stepped inside, sweeping through each room methodically until they met up back in the living room, "Nothing. Not even a sign of her."


	21. Coldness of The Silence

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. Thank you to everyone for your patience, especially with the gaps now that I'm in the weeds. I have two more midterms but I'm lonely and instead of studying, I wanted to post this for you. I really hope you enjoy this chapter. This marks the beginning things go down from here._

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><p><em><strong>I<strong>__t's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see__**.**__ — __Henry David Thoreau_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty-One**

**Coldness of The Silence**

"No signs of forced entry." Wordy said but Addison shook her head.

She walked out of the apartment and stood quietly by the door, not thinking like a member of Team One but thinking like an agent of CSIS. She stopped in the threshold and scrutinized the lock, "Whatever happened, it didn't happen here." She said and slowly walked towards the couch, feeling a slight chill in the air. "Do you feel that?" She asked.

Wordy shook his head and stared at her, if he ever second-guessed her skills, watching her now: she was like a hound. The way her eyes sharpened with focus, absorbing in details that no one else saw…a part of him was in awe and the other part was slightly terrified of standing in her way. Whoever had trained her had done a brilliant job but she was also a damn natural. He indulged himself and stood watching her, a serene mask fitted upon her face, moving around like a panther.

She followed the slight draft until it led her to the bedroom's window, there she noticed the window had been haphazardly closed and marks covered the sill, "We've got ourselves a kidnapping." She said loud enough to notify Wordy.

He stared at her, making sure she wasn't about to crack before pulling out his phone, Addison blanked out all of the sounds around her and closed her eyes briefly, trying to visualize all of the pieces and how, why, or if they related to her. She opened her eyes and walked slowly through the apartment, trying to detach herself from the fact that she knew Sara…she forced herself not to flinch when she heard Wordy on the phone using words such as "victim" and "crime scene". She would have done the same…it was in the law's hands now.

Her phone vibrated and she answered it, keeping her eyes Wordy, "Hello?"

"Addison, you're off duty, so I'm going to have Wordy take you back to your place, okay?" She heard Parker's gentle voice say.

She shook her head, "I'm sorry, boss…but I can't do that."

"Addison…" Parker began steel lacing her name.

She straightened her shoulders, "No, boss. I'm the wildcard in this situation and quite frankly, you need me." She closed her eyes and waited, hoped she hadn't overstepped the boundaries.

Parker sighed over the phone, "Okay, what do you have?"

She went through the entire apartment until she was standing on the balcony of Sara's apartment, her gut twisting. "What's the team's eta?" Wordy mouthed her.

She relayed the question back to Parker, said goodbye and hung-up, "They'll be here in five."

"You okay with this?" Wordy quietly asked, walking towards her.

She shrugged, "I don't really have a choice."

He sighed, "Let me take you home." He offered, reaching down and squeezing her hand.

She squeezed back and pulled away before the guilt and pain crippled her, "No, I'll be fine." She stated, waiting for the team by the window. She nodded when Parker, followed by Jules walked in and she began her vocal report, not bothering to wait for anyone else. The faster she briefed Parker, the faster they could find Sara.

Ed nodded a few minutes after minutes after she had finished, "Okay, Addison and Spike take the roof. Jules and Sam, take this floor. Wordy and I will take the first floor. We'll meet in the middle."

Addison nodded to everyone, trying to ignore their worried looks and brushed past Ed, "Hey." He quietly said, stopping her with a hand on her arm.

She glanced down before staring blankly at him, "It's not your fault." He said quietly.

She nodded, "Thanks, sir." She said before pulling away from everyone and leaving, Spike walking alongside her.

If she ever doubted why she lo—_liked_ Spike, it were moments like these where he knew her so well, he didn't try to pester her with questions or sayings meant to make her feel better. He knew what she needed most was quiet and a shoulder for her to lean on, he held the roof's door open for her and she brushed past him, absorbing his quiet strength.

Spike waited for the door to close, isolating them from prying eyes before turning his worried attention to her, "Come here." He said quietly, pulling her towards him.

She hesitated before walking into his waiting arms, and she wrapped herself in him, breathing in his clean smell, "Mike…" She began.

"Shh, I got you, Addie. I got you." He murmured.

She let herself be rocked and gave herself a small break: she had a maximum of ten minutes before Parker would become suspicious. At first, the tears leaked and she hated herself for them, and when he noticed and kissed her forehead gently, a sob broke free. All she could think about were the ones she had failed. People often never thought about the good or the successes and it was true for her: she only ever thought about the ones lost, about the ones she failed to save. The silent faces she mantled. "Its my fault, Mike. I…she trusted me to keep her safe and I—"

He pulled back so he could look at her and lifted her face up to meet his, fire burning in his eyes. He knew guilt and for once, he wanted to absolve them both, "No. Do you hear me, Addison? This is in no way your fault. There are certain things you cannot control and this is one of them." He said, putting force in his words.

She closed her eyes and hugged him tighter, hoping against all odds that he was right. He leaned down and kissed her gently, the kiss more for comfort than anything. "I'll do a walk-about." He said, running a hand over her cheek tenderly.

She nodded, "I won't be long." She just needed a few moments to compose herself. She watched him walk away and let out a shuddering breath, she cried more now that she was in Toronto than she had since leaving city when she was younger. It seemed this city pulled at her heartstrings. She straightened her shoulders and pulled her vibrating mobile phone from her pocket, she frowned at the blocked number, "Hello?" She asked hoarsely.

"Oh, you weren't crying now, were you?" A voice crooned. She frowned, who the hell was this—then her heart stopped.

_Trevor Miller. _And knew that he was behind Sara's kidnapping. "Where is she?" She asked, her hands itching to pull her gun from its holder for comfort and strength.

"Now, now…wouldn't want to ruin the game for you, would I?" He enthused.

She rolled her eyes, "What do you want?" She asked.

"Think, Addison. Think." He said before she heard the dial tone.

She hung up and dialled one of her teammates from her days in CSIS, "Brent?" She asked breathlessly.

"Addison." He said, and she closed her eyes briefly. Out of her tumultuous time in CSIS, he had always been her root, helping her stay grounded and balanced. She just hoped he hadn't changed overly much since that time.

"Trevor Miller just called." She said quietly.

He cursed, "I guess he started earlier than we thought."

She nodded, "He kidnapped someone." She spent the next five minutes talking semantics with him and promised to make room in her new life for him.

"Addie?" He began quietly. "Keep your eyes peeled, okay Kiddo?"

"Yes, Bendy." She said using the nickname they had used while working together. She remembered how his nickname began and shuddered at the thought: he had hurt himself on a case and ever since then, his elbow was now infamously double-jointed. She hung up and walked slowly towards Spike. She straightened her shoulders and sighed, "I'll meet you downstairs, I need to find Sarge."

He nodded, "Tell him I need five more minutes." She glanced at him, her eyes running over his body and thanked her lucky stars all over again before leaving the roof with a nod.


	22. The Fall

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. I finally finished writing Addison and Spike's story. It has taken a while and without any of you, their story would be lost and maybe never even finished. So thank you. I don't think I'll be writing fanfiction for a while because I want to try my hand at writing fiction, so after this story has been posted in its entirety, you will find me at the sister site: fictionpress. Thank you all so much._

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><p><em><strong>W<strong>__ar does not determine who is right - only who is left.__ — __Bertrand Russell_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

**The Fall**

She slowly made her way back to where Parker was sequestered; feeling like the weight of the world was upon her shoulders and knew that Spike had lied. _It was all her fault_. Trevor Miller was smart, he was young but he was already a mastermind: he wouldn't go after the ones she loved, he would go after the ones that she had sworn to protect, knowing it would destroy her all the more. She straightened her shoulders and walked into the apartment, being mindful of the crime scene technicians. "Boss, can I talk to you?" She asked quietly.

He glanced at her and put down a picture frame he had been examining; there was something in her eyes…something he had never seen before. A cold determination swam in her gaze and he knew immediately that something was horribly wrong, "Let's go to the bathroom where we won't be interrupted." She nodded and trailed after him, listening to him speak to the team through his mouthpiece. She hadn't even bothered to put hers on, and she had a feeling that the however long it took her to find Sara, she wouldn't either. Things had gotten convoluted: too personal and too wrapped up into her old life for her to want to record things.

"Boss…" She began, clearing her throat and began. She told him every blistering detail, save for everything to do with CSIS as that was still confidential and would most likely be for an eternity after she was dead. Parker grew more and more serious, his thoughts turning to his own son, Addison shook her head, recognising the look in his eyes, "He won't go after any of you or your loved ones."

Parker stared at her a full minute before asking why, and received a shrug from her, "Because its too easy…too beneath him. I know he can do it and he knows he can do it…the whole point to all of this—" She said, motioning to Sara's apartment, "is to show me the unimaginable, to show me things I didn't even think he was capable of."

"So, this is a game for him?" Parker asked, already thinking about all of the paperwork he would have to do.

She nodded, "it's only ever been a game." She waited a full minute, the guilt shortening her breaths, "Boss…"

"No." He snapped, grabbing her shoulders to shake her for a second, "None of this is your fault. You weren't the one that kidnapped her, you are not to be blamed for his actions."

She shook her head, how the hells had such a dangerous, prodigy criminal been released and how much money had he bribed the judge with to throw out his case? "If it weren't for me, he wouldn't be doing this."

He closed his eyes, he could argue wrong and right with her but she still wouldn't see past the guilt and he knew that it would take time before the edges stopped cutting into her…all he could do was be a constant in her whirlwind life. "I expect there will be some CSIS agents waiting at HQ for us?"

She nodded apologetically, "Sorry—"

"If you say sorry one more time, I'm going to make you give me eighty push-ups right here…you'll be sorry for that." He muttered crankily, ignoring her quick grin. "Will he come for you?" He asked quietly, wondering if she should be placed in protective custody.

She shook her head, "No, he's watching but he won't come near me yet. It'd ruin the game otherwise."

He nodded and turned on his mouthpiece, "Okay, team, listen up. We'll rendezvous back at the vehicles for a briefing. I'll have an officer take Addie home—I'm sorry, Jules. That wasn't up for debate. It's an order. As I was saying before I was interrupted, Addie will go home for an hour or two and we'll all meet back up at HQ."

She stood there and stared at him before she sighed, "See you in an hour." She said quietly, not wanting to see any of the members of her team. Every single member of her team would be annoyed, they would be worried about their own family and see her as the fault for all of this. Her shoulders slumped in near defeat and she jogged out of the apartment, almost running down the stairs, "You're taking me home." She said to a random officer standing idly by.

0000000000000000

She shoved open her bathroom door and stripped, stepping into the blisteringly hot shower and stood there for a good ten minutes before washing her hair. She had so many things to do and knew that she wouldn't need a vest or guards, Miller would never stoop so low as to hurt her before she could solve his game. He was a twisted, chivalrous prick.

She wrapped a towel around herself and stepped out into the foggy room, and walked to the mirror to grab her brush, her hand stopping in mid-air. She stared at the piece of paper taped to the mirror, her heart beating furiously in her chest. She closed her eyes briefly and retraced her steps: her apartment door had been locked; the letter must have been there before she showered and was too caught up in herself to notice. She opened her eyes and cursed herself, how could she be so blind? It always came back to the bathroom: would his narcissism ever let her forget that it was in the remains of a bathroom where they had first met? It was where people groomed themselves and where people were at their weakest: it was true for her and it was true for him: after all, it was in the ruins of a bathroom that she had caught him.

Addison ran from her bathroom and quickly got dressed, leaving her hair loose to dry on its own and grabbed her duffel, stopping once in the bathroom to snag the note taped to the mirror. She didn't bother phoning it in, history would dictate that he had been using gloves and she already knew who had taped it to her mirror. She jogged out of the building and stood before her car, shivering in the cool night air. She glanced at her watch, it was so late in the evening, it was technically early morning. She didn't even feel drowsy but knew other members on her team would probably stop off at their own place for a quick nap.

She stood in front of her car and tried not to show outward emotions even though her nerves were shrieking, she had a gut feeling Miller was watching and she would _not_ lower herself to the ground to check for explosives…even though it was something that had been instilled into her in training. She blinked and swallowed her resolve, if he wanted to kill her, he would already have done so. She unlocked her car door and got in quietly, leaving her stuff on the passenger's side. "Here goes." She whispered, shoving her key into the ignition and starting it, her heart pounding in her chest and when her car rumbled without exploding, she let out a sigh of relief.

0000000000000000

She pushed open the doors to HQ and walked in, absorbing the bustle around her. She spotted one of her old team members from CSIS and met him halfway, "What took you so damn long, kiddo?"

She smirked, "It's been too long for you to still be cranky, Brent."

He shrugged, and absorbed every nuance and every detail about her, "What happened?"

Addison sighed, sometimes it had scared her working at CSIS with people that were trained to see every single detail and thread to a person and other times, it annoyed her. She still did it but she tried to feign normalcy instead of calling people out on the details only she saw, "Well, its nice to see you to." She said quietly and handed him the note.

He glanced down at it and shuttered the emotions from his face, if anybody were looking at the two of them, they would have looked like granite statues, "So, it's begun. He's starting early, we thought it'd take a him a while."

She rolled her eyes, "I need to see my team."

"There was a time when you didn't have a team." He said, walking alongside her, locking away the secret. It was too soon for her to know and if she found out now, she could jeopardise bringing in Miller, which he did not want. No, it was better if he kept quiet about the changes in their old department and feigned indifference.

"I had you and we were our own team." She said quietly, not bothering to mention the backstabbing and tension from working with other brilliant minded agents.

Brent reached over and ruffled her hair, "Love you too, Kiddo."

She elbowed him just as she spotted Parker, "Touch me and die, Bendy." She muttered, walking up to her boss. "Sarge." She began.

"Wordy, Ed, and Sam are catching a few hours at their own place before coming back at oh-eight hundred." He said quietly, a cup of steaming coffee in his hand.

"Jules and Spike?" She asked glancing around.

"Are taking a nap somewhere." He shrugged, "I'll catch some sleep later." He said in answer to her look.

"Your son?" She asked quietly.

He nodded, "Fine and safe."

She nodded and trailed after him, answering mechanically. Parker motioned for her and Brent to take a seat and she did only after Parker was seated, she was polite: even when she wasn't aware. "So…you're our attaché for this case."

Brent nodded and reached for his coffee, "We were going to take the case but we all know Addison won't hand it over to us." He threw her a warm look, "Since I've worked the Miller case as well, it'd be best if we all worked together on this one."

Parker nodded, he never met any CSIS agents and he had a feeling he would never want to meet any more either. There was something about Brent and now that he thought about it, since Sara had been kidnapped, Addison was acting the same way Brent was. With cold calculations and aloofness but he saw the way they both twitched and he felt a moment of uncertainty, he didn't think either of them were simply agents from CSIS, they must have done a lot of confidential, black ops in the past. He glanced at Addison, "Are you sure you don't want a few hours of shut-eye?" He asked kindly.

She shook her head, "You go ahead, boss. We're just going to be in here taking it easy." She said quietly and they both watched Parker gingerly get up and walk out of the briefing room.

Brent pushed away from the table to close the door, "I remember when you handed in your resignation letter and boss asked you where you were going…I don't think any of us expected you to actually go through with it." He said quietly, walking to the coffee pot and pouring them both a fresh cup of coffee. Being in law enforcement, they were used to pulling all-nighters but the coffee was still the same everywhere: it sucked.

She shrugged accepting the cup from him, and stood up: the last thing she wanted right now was to be near someone, especially be near her old…friend. Had they ever been friends? She cocked her head, in a way; maybe he had been her friend all along. But she refused to accept that he hadn't changed. Just watching him now, she could tell there was something different, a small ripple beneath his skin. But then again, she had changed just as much. And they were both playing their cards close to their hearts and despite everything and the laughs they had shared in the past, the tension and aloofness between them was genuine. A damn neon pink elephant in the room.

"He didn't really accept my resignation letter." She quietly mused, going near the windows to stare outside, she could feel it in her gut: this would be one of the last days she'd get to enjoy the tranquillity of this view.

Brent snorted, "We're still waiting for you to come back. When you're ready." Officially, she was no longer a part of CSIS but unofficially: her old job was still waiting for her. And he was hoping she'd return sooner than much later.

She smirked, "I don't think I'll ever go back."

"Kiddo, you were good at your job. Too good to waste your talents." He quietly said, in all his time at CSIS, she had been one of the greats: especially for her age. His promotion had ridden on getting her back and damned if he had to drag her kicking and screaming. But they were CSIS agents and he had ways to make people do things they would normally never have agreed to.

She snorted derisively and set her coffee mug down and reached for the blinds, "Good at lying to everyone? Good at stealing and sneaking around like a thief."

"A spy, Addie. Spying is not thievery." He retorted, he would normally never dare to say that one word that could both get them killed but after all these years and the countless lives she saved, she still thought of herself as nothing but a liar. Sure, they lied, it was their job but—he shook his head. He wasn't the one that needed convincing.

"What about the military and all of those black ops you did?" He asked rudely, his temper fraying.

She closed the blinds, she knew Miller was watching them and she'd rather not give him a show, "I killed people." She retorted.

He rolled his eyes, "Kiddo, you have a guilt complex bigger than the Eifel tower."

Addison smirked and grabbed her coffee, "I'm not guilty, I'm realistic."

"Do you think Miller will try anything on your teammates?" He asked, taking a seat far from her.

She shrugged and sat across from him, "No, he knows it'll be too easy."

"Are you sure?" Out of everyone at CSIS and everyone he knew, Addison was the only profiler that understood Miller…she understood him more than Miller probably understood himself. Sometimes he was scared for her, he had always wanted to protect her but how could he protect her from herself?

"He knows I don't value family and friends like normal people do." She said blithely, her own words cutting into her. But she kept her face blank and soldiered on. She knew secretly that her friends were her chosen family, that coming back to Toronto had made her see how lucky and thankful she was to have people that cared for her so. But she had a façade to keep up and the old Addison didn't need anyone.

She steered herself away from thinking about Spike and how much she needed him. At this point, she didn't need anyone. The weight of the world was on her shoulders and if she failed…so many things would fall. "I don't know what he's going to do next but I think he'll wave Sara in front of me to get me pissed."

"The girl?" He asked, she nodded and he smirked, "I read her case file." He said quietly, not bothering to mention that he understood her reasons for getting close, though he would never do the same.

Addison drank the last of the coffee and stretched, "I'm going to go find a dark corner." She muttered.

He nodded, "I'll be here."

"Of course you'll be." She retorted and closed the door behind her. She went to her and Jules' changing room to brush her teeth and wash her face, she was so tired she could feel the way her muscles creaked and protested, all she wanted to do was sit and let her brain turn to mush…at least for a little while.

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Addison snuck into the darkened room, and locked the door behind her, much alike a hospital, they had dark rooms with cots for the teams to sleep if they pulled a double shift. She inhaled Spike's clean sent and stood by the door quietly, absorbing the sounds of his even breathing that signalled deep sleep. She felt around until her fingers grasped the backings of a chair and she pulled it quietly alongside his cot so she could sit and be near him.

She sat down and though it was pitch black in the room, she could still feel the warmth radiating from him and at this point, it was all she wanted. She didn't know how long she sat for, she didn't even bother sleeping: she didn't want to waste a second of this precious memory. She catalogued it in her mind, there would be cold days ahead and this would be the one thing she could return to that would remain unaltered.

The alarm from his phone went off some time later and he reached over to check his phone, cursing a blue streak when he saw someone sitting next to him. His heart threatening to be ripped from his chest, "I locked the door, Addie." He said quietly, his annoyance at being scared listless overtaking his hunger for her.

She shrugged, "If you wanted to keep people out, try something harder." She retorted, grinning for the first time in days.

"Why didn't you wake-me?" He asked meanly, he hadn't spent that much time with her and damn it, he missed her. Even if her sudden presence had scared the life from him.

"You're cranky when you wake-up." She poked him and stifled a laugh when he ripped her from the chair until she was sprawled over him.

"Good morning." He muttered kissing her gently. When he deepened the kiss, she pulled away, "Why?" he asked grumpily.

She smiled, "Because we have work to do and if you kiss me…I won't get anything done, and all I'll be thinking about is you."

"You make it sound like a bad thing." He muttered, groaning when she rolled off of him.

"I'll see you out there cowboy." She threw over her shoulder, and left, locking the door behind her.


	23. A Call from the Dark

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. _

_**D**__on't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.__ — __Dr. Seuss_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

**A Call from the Dark**

_Two Days Later…_

Unfortunately for Addison, she forgot that the big part of Miller's games was the waiting. Initially, everyone around her had been cautious and kept her surrounded, phoning home and making sure that Miller hadn't kidnapped their own family members. But after the second day, they were in a lull, going through their routine and shoving Miller from their minds.

She honestly wished she could do the same, but since Brent had become an attaché for the SRU and Miller being released, Addison now lived in HQ. It must have infuriated Miller, knowing how much he liked to stalk his prey that she was in a secure location, not visible to anyone. But that meant he would only strike harder. She stretched out in a too damn comfortable chair and reached for her cup of tea, today was her day off but instead of going home, she had found a quiet corner and sequestered it for herself. She didn't mind staying and now living in HQ, though the only negative thing was that she didn't get any alone time with Spike. Sure, they caught kisses and a few minutes of necking like teenagers but she honestly missed their quiet time: when they wouldn't say anything because nothing needed to be said. But now? Ugh…she just wanted to find Sara and take down Miller.

Addison frowned and glanced at her watch, her team had been called away earlier that day and they still weren't back yet. She rubbed her gritty eyes and sighed, she was worrying for nothing, though to be honest, it was rare for Miller to remain silent for this long. She heard a groan and glanced up, watching bemusedly as Brent shuffled his way over towards her corner, rubbing his sore neck, "Rough night?" She asked jokingly.

He snorted and swiped her tea, grimacing but still chugging it, "I never understand how they can drink so much and still come in sober and unaffected." He muttered.

She smirked, since Brent's arrival; the guys had taken him out to the bar…almost every night. She wished she could say it was the guys' way of welcoming him but she knew they were testing him, maybe even interrogating him. "Maybe you shouldn't go then." She retorted easily.

He shrugged, he didn't want to tell her that at first the guys had wanted to ply him with questions about Miller and Addie, wanting to help and he had been amused and they had grudgingly earned his respect…until he realized they were also trying to get information about Addie's past. And that Spike character? He was enjoying Brent's torture but he wasn't stupid or blind, he knew Spike was jealous and so he kept up the quips and remarks about how 'close' they had been. He never bothered mentioning that Addie was like a sister to him and soon to be employee; Spike's frowns were gold enough.

She shook her head; maybe Brent just wanted to be accepted into the group, though she couldn't understand why. Everyone, save for Spike, liked him…Spike, however, was a different story. She tried pestering him with questions but he never said anything, he just frowned whenever Brent was near. She watched as the caffeine in the tea slowly woke Brent up, making him a tad more sober, all she wanted to do was mention Miller but she forced herself not to. It seemed everyone had moved on and she was left obsessing…she had to do something. She had to make a move or they would all be stuck in this limbo of waiting hell forever and what would happen to Sara?

She couldn't wait any longer, after sequestering away in HQ, Miller hadn't been able to make his next move and she was tired of waiting, she wanted to end this and the only way was to play the game. Brent would, of course, want to come along but she couldn't allow him to, he was a pawn and a liability: he wasn't a part of the game and she would be damned if someone got hurt because of her. She still had trouble sleeping because she kept seeing Sara's face, how the hell could she live with herself if someone else got hurt? "Maybe you should go take something for that hangover and go lie down." She offered nonchalantly, calming herself down: pretending to not care what he did.

He nodded and swallowed down the rising bile; "Yeah, I'll…" he didn't bother finishing, he shoved out of the chair and jogged towards the men's washroom. She smirked, she couldn't leave yet, and she had to make sure he was out cold before she snuck out of this damn fortress.

She went to her locker and pulled out a few pills for his hangover and deftly reached for sleeping pills she stole from Jules and crushed two in her hand. She poured the pink goo that would calm his stomach into a cup and stirred in the pills, she felt like a witch doctor and smirked, he'd hate her if he ever found out…maybe not 'hate' but he sure as hell would exact his revenge. She just had to make sure he never found out. She spied him coming out of the washroom and slammed her locker closed, "Here. Drink it all." She ordered, watching with keen eyes as he swallowed the mixture down. They both grimaced, "I do not envy you." She muttered, trailing after him.

He shrugged, he'd rather take a bullet than have a hangover, "Don't bother me unless it's important." He ordered, finding a quiet room empty and shutting it on her face.

She smirked, and waited two full minutes before walking briskly to her locker and snagging a light coat for her to wear. She glanced around and quietly left: she had been taught by two institutions how to make herself seem invisible to others and though she tried not to think about her stints in the special ops and CSIS, her mind was swirling with the training she received by them. She hated herself sometimes for the things she had done but no matter how much she tried to change from what she had been, she realised it went deeper than that.

She walked down the steps and breathed in, all she had to do was walk around for a bit, make sure people saw her and hightail it back to HQ. He wouldn't snipe her, hell: she knew he wouldn't even touch her…it would ruin the game. She walked past a payphone, ignoring its shrilling and kept walking aimlessly, until she passed another shrilling payphone, three blocks over. She stopped dead in her tracks: not bothering to look around and slowly encased herself in the grimy plastic cocoon and picked up the dirty phone placing it to her ear.

"Its about time you join the living."

She forced down the urge to roll her eyes and ignored the shudder building from her insides: he sounded manically happy and her skin tightened in apprehension. She always thought the dangerous ones were the older men and women, they had seen the world and grew cold from it but she was mistaken. The absolutely mad ones were the ones that understood the way of the world but preferred madness. Just like Miller. "How's Sara?" She asked nonchalantly. She didn't bother asking about the woman's location, she'd find out sooner or later. She just hoped it would be sooner.

"Oh, she's doing fine." She heard a shuffling and a laugh, "She's a feisty little thing."

She blinked back the relief, at least Sara was still alive, "I will catch you." She reminded him quietly.

He laughed, "Sure you will. This time, Addison, this time it's your turn." He mocked.

"For what?" She asked uninterestedly, knowing he was watching her.

"You'll see soon enough. You remember though, right?" He asked earnestly.

She frowned, how could she ever forget? The day he had been caught…the day she had found him: he had been loitering around what had been the bathroom and at first; she had thought he was just another spectator. Until he attacked her with a metal pipe, they had fought, her blood had slicked over the pipe and made it harder for her to grasp it but finally, she had brought him down. Everything kept going back to damned bathrooms… "You're really obsessed about bathrooms, aren't you?" She mocked. It was a message…one that she knew she had to heed to.

He laughed, "I knew you wouldn't forget." She opened her mouth to retort but heard the dial tone instead.


	24. The Game

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. I'm tried to make the scenes choppy, as I want it to impart a chaotic feel. A/N: I feel like interest is waning so I'll be posting every second day (if I can) just so I can finish this story before everyone loses interest. Thank you to the ones that are still with me. _

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><p><em><strong>N<strong>__ever say goodbye because saying goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting.__ — __Peter Pan_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

**The Game**

Addison quietly closed her locker, wondering morbidly if it would be her last time she shut the metal door, "Had a goodnight?" She glanced over and smirked at Wordy, trying to formulate an appropriate response when she felt like she was imploding.

She shrugged, "Ed bought me a large pizza before he left." She forced a grin, feeling like her whole calm façade would crack. After sneaking back into HQ yesterday, she had locked herself up in one of the quiet rooms and only opened the door when Ed had left a box of pizza on the floor. Her team had been very understanding about her hiding from everyone, she knew they thought the stress was getting to her but they couldn't be farther from the truth. She was preparing herself for battle and accepting that she would go down with a fight. At least Brent had shooed everyone from bothering her, until this morning. Her day off was officially over. The game was on.

Wordy stared at her, scrutinizing the grin that didn't quite reach her eyes, "We'll catch him, Addie." He said quietly.

She shrugged, here was another reason why she never got close to anybody: it just hurt too damn much and they saw too much past her walls. "I'm not worried."

"Who's not worried?" She sighed, and spied Ed's smiling face sauntering towards his locker.

"Addie." Wordy shrugged towards her, not buying her act for one second.

"Thanks for the pizza." She said quietly to Ed.

He nodded, "You had to eat." They stared at each other and she nodded, she was the closest to Wordy, and Ed and it came to a point that sometimes they didn't need to say anything.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" A whiskey voice asked.

She startled and turned to see Spike standing a few feet away, "Sure." She said, nodding her leave to the other two members, "What's up?" She asked worriedly, they both agreed not to be seen talking for long periods of time, they didn't want to cast themselves in suspicion. And what they had between them was private and quite frankly, Addison didn't want to share Spike with anyone, she wanted to keep him all to herself. "Is your parents okay?"

Spike nodded, his eyes roaming quickly over her, "Yes, they're both fine. They wanted me to tell you that after everything cools down, ma will cook a feast for you."

She smirked, her eyes misting before she forced the emotion away: the Scarlatti family always moved her. She stared into Spike's eyes and nodded, he missed her too. Spike and her had transcended words and most of the time, all they would need was to glance at one and another and feel better. "We've got to go." She apologised.

He nodded, "Be careful out there…" He sighed, "Taking a few days off is not an option for you, right?" He asked for what felt like the thousandth time. He shook his head when she said no, "Sometimes, Addie, you're just too damn stubborn."

"I'm…I'm tired, Mike." She quietly confessed, wishing she could walk into his arms. But instead, she steeled herself and stood taller, her shoulders straightening, she mantled the pain, the guilt, and the bone-deep weariness. It was up to her now.

"I'll see you in there." She said quietly, knowing that walking away at this point was moot and it hurt her physically but she had to start erecting the barriers. It was the only way she could survive this.

_Team one; we've got a robbery in progress…_

"Let's suit up." Ed ordered.

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"Alpha, will take the first floor. Beta, take the second." Ed ordered.

Addison nodded and high-fived Jules, "Be safe." She said to the smaller woman. "V formation." Wordy ordered. She nodded and stood behind Jules and Wordy, running up the large staircase of the mansion effortlessly.

"Be vigilant and safe, everyone." She heard Spike's voice in her earpiece and nodded to herself. They had found themselves on a private estate, with a mansion that could have easily been worth a few million, and any other time, Addison would have absorbed the aged beauty. But this time, she hardened herself and followed protocol. Her nerves screeching from the tension.

Jules broke off to check the first open door, and she moved forward to stand next to Wordy, her heart burning in her chest. She glanced along the long hallway and knew. She watched Wordy break off and enter another bedroom, leaving her to slowly walk towards the only empty doorway left.

She straightened her shoulders and swallowed audibly, "Making my way to the bathroom." She said quietly into the microphone, if things ever went to court, at least the transcripts would show what had occurred.

She stared down by the doorjamb and made sure there weren't any tripwires before stepping through into the bathroom, and exhaled loudly, "Clear." She said, her voice being lost in a loud, metallic bang.

_"Addison!"_

She winced and almost ripped the earpiece from her ear, hearing her teammates roar into her ear, she held the riffle closer to her eye and glanced around the archaically designed bathroom. She heard orders from Ed and Parker in her earpiece and bit back a curse: she was trying to concentrate and they kept yelling, damn it. "I'm fine. The door must have slammed shut." She muttered, turning around to open the door and swallowed down her nerves, "Shit." She whispered, her hand still wavering in the air.

"_What?"_ She heard Spike shout in her ear and winced.

She lowered her riffle and ran a hand over her face, trying to calm the erratic beating of her heart, there were metal pistons locking the door and she stepped closer to the door, and finally paid attention to what her team were saying, _"…we'll get a ram and break the door down."_

She gulped, "Don't." She broke in.

"_Why not?"_ She heard Jules' voice, _"it'll be quick, with little damage."_

"Because it's rigged."


	25. The Game is On

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. A/N: Okay, in fear of alerting the 'authorities' and not knowing much when it comes to explosives, I'm asking all of you to just suspend reality for a few chapters and follow me on this wild trip. I'd be very grateful, thank you. ((Side note: Addison __**had**__ to enter the room, if she didn't: one of her teammates would have gone. There are more reasons but hopefully this chapter clears it up.)) __**Also, **__I just want to thank all of you for supporting me and this story, when I say this is for you, I mean it._

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><p><em><strong>I<strong>__f ever there is tomorrow when we're not together…there is something you must remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart…I'll always be with you.__ — __Winnie the Pooh_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

**The Game is On**

She ignored the sudden quiet over the earpiece, _"Addison."_ She heard Sam's stunted voice.

"Give me a damn minute." She snapped, turning around the room and absorbing everything, how in hells could she have missed the bombs littering the room? "TF bombs. The whole damn room is littered with them." She quietly said and swallowed down the bile.

She ignored Spike's wild cursing, _"Addison, please tell us what that means."_ Wordy asked.

"That you can't dismantle them. If you touch them, they blow. In training we were taught to run the other way…they're more sensitive than landmines." She quietly explained, her eyes absorbing the sight of the walls being covered by shiny chrome canisters. And the door…there was no way she would go near that thing. Just standing a few feet away and she was sweating profusely.

"_How much time?" _Parker asked worriedly.

She shuddered and stared at the mirror, and slowly, as to not disturb anything, ripped off the note from a clock and stared at the clock, her heart stopping. "Eight minutes." She quietly said.

She heard more cursing and willed the tears away, "Stop it, everyone. I need a moment to think." She snapped crankily. She stared at the note and swallowed, crumpling it in her hand, "Sara's in the basement." She quietly said.

_"What? How do you know?" _Sam asked.

"We don't have a lot of time now, okay Sam? Just please go and get her. It won't be rigged." She explained and sighed when she heard Ed order the team to go check.

"_Just hang on Addie, we're calling the bomb squad."_ Parker said, trying to sound calm despite the urgency he was feeling.

She snorted in ill humour, "They're not going to get here in time. It takes ten minutes for them to travel from HQ to a location…and that's on a good day, boss. Just focus on getting Sara out of here…and empty this damn block." She ordered.

"_Stop being the martyr, Addison. We're your teammates, we're going to get you out."_ Jules snapped, tears in her voice.

"You don't get it, Jules. It's her, or me: that's the game. It's not for me to decide, it's for all of you. Save her or save me." She said, wishing she could have seen it sooner and damn it, Miller was clever.

"_No, Addison. We're not leaving you."_ Spike chortled out.

She closed her eyes, "I'm sorry, Mike. I wished it wouldn't be this way but there's no way I can get out of here. Just leave and make sure this place is empty." She felt as though her heart was being ripped from her chest: not for her impending death but for Mike's suffering.

"_No." _

She wiped furiously at her face, "I'm not doing this now. We'll do it later." She said knowing there wouldn't be a later. But she was horrible at goodbyes and if she could pretend, they damn well could too.

"_How much longer?" _Ed asked crankily.

She swallowed and glanced at the clock, "Six minutes." She muttered, breathing in brokenly. She promised herself she wasn't going to go down without a fight and damn it, she was going down swinging.

Addison glanced around the small bathroom, taking in the tiles and ceramic toilet, her heart falling when she realised she couldn't hide behind—a tub. A metal tub! She dropped her SRU issued rifle on the ground and kicked the tub, ignoring the chattering in her ear. The only way for her to extract the tub away from the tiled nook was to shoot around it and hope nothing ricocheted. "Boss?" She quietly asked, grabbing her regulation-issued handgun.

"_Yes, Addie?"_ Sarge asked.

"Do I have permission to shoot something?" She asked quietly before rolling her eyes when Wordy shouted, "No, there isn't anyone in here with me. I just have an idea. Sara?" She asked.

"_Four more minutes. The bastard is sure making it challenging." _Sam grunted.

She heard Parker sigh, _"Make the rounds last, Addie. But be careful." _

She sighed, there were so many things that she wanted to say to each and every one of them…especially Mike but she couldn't. Time wasn't on her side. She ached for him, she wanted to scream and shout at the world, to rip everything apart until her fingers bled and shredded but she couldn't. Now wasn't the time for defeat or rage, she had survived the odds so many times before: she would fight for her rights to live again.

Addison raised her gun and shot as many rounds as she thought would be needed, aiming for the thin line of grout that connected the metal, aged tub to the tiled wall. She dropped the gun and kicked the tub: pulling, ripping and cursing as she slowly rocked it from its nook. All the while mindful of the bombs and the clock.

"_Remind me to buy you a dictionary." _She heard Ed's dry voice comment.

"What?" She asked confusedly.

"_I don't think she needs one. She clearly has grasped the cursing part of the English language."_ Parker muttered, _"I might have to stricken a few things from the record."_

She laughed, and glanced behind her, sobering immediately, "Four minutes."

"_We've got Sara."_ Sam breathlessly said.

She nodded, "Grab her and get out of here. With the amount of TF in here, you'll be safer a block away."

"_Boss, you seriously can't expect us to leave her here."_ Wordy's voice broke through.

_"Enough guys, let's just—Sam and Jules, take Sara out of here."_ Ed ordered, his voice rough and gravelly.

"Don't put this on Sarge, you guys." Addison snapped, she knew when their teammate died, Sarge had mantled the guilt: she refused to do this to him again.

"_Addison, are you sure about the TF?"_ Sarge asked, needing assurance.

She shut her eyes, if there was an opportunity to save her, it had past: she felt as though she was like a little child being left behind. Abandoned. "I'm sure." She quietly said.

"_No, Addison. You get your ass back here, do you hear me?"_ She heard Spike shout through the earpiece. And if there ever were a moment that she could love someone more, it was then. Hearing his whiskey tenor curse and shout: she wanted to walk into his arms and forget all about this ugly, living nightmare.

She felt a few tears slip down her cheeks, "Three minutes." She quietly said. She let her head fall back and stared at the ceiling, her breathing stuttering in and out from the rising need to sob and give up. The tears were falling freely now but she refused to weep, there were still so many things she had wanted to do. She shook her head, if she was going to die; she was going to die with dignity. Die like a soldier.

She opened her mouth, there were so many things left unsaid between her and Mike, so many things she still wanted to do. She refused to die: she hadn't tasted an evening with him in bed; she didn't know what he would say first thing in the mornings or how his hair would look. Would he have a sleepy smile or an enigmatic one? She opened her mouth, she could never tell him that she loved him in such an open forum but she needed to get this out, "Jules?" She asked quietly, ignoring the red beeping of the clock mounted on the mirror.

"_Yes, Addie?"_ She heard Jules' tearstained voice.

"Can you…can you make sure he knows?" She asked hesitantly, she had no intentions of dying but realistically: the amount of TF and a small metal tub? Things weren't looking so good, regardless of what she told her teammates.

"_Addie, you are not going to die."_ Jules snapped, her voice breaking.

She shook her head; she had to make sure the other woman knew of whom they were talking about, "He needs to know." She said and breathed deeply, this was the only way to tell him how she felt and at least this way, no one but Sam, Jules, and Spike would know whom she was really talking to. "Amo et Te amabo semper et in aeternitatem."

"_What does that mean?"_ Jules asked quietly.

Addison shook her head, "Two minutes." She replied and turned around to rip the tub away from the wall with a vigour she never knew she had, "I'll have to turn off the frequency, I don't know how he has rigged the bombs and if they'll go off all at once or not, so I'll tell you when it's safe or not. Okay?" She demanded.

She heard Parker sigh, _"You heard her, team. Clear out." _

"Did you find him?" She asked, turning the tub on its side.

"_No but by now, he's the most wanted man in the country."_ Sam's voice broke through.

She grabbed her riffle and handgun, dismantling them both and placing them on the floor, "A minute and a half." She said, her heart speeding up impossibly fast. She felt as though her heart might burst from her chest, her skin felt tighter and her mouth was painfully dry: she knew all the symptoms of an adrenaline rush but she couldn't act on the flight instinct. She had to cement herself. She sat on the floor and pulled the tub over her, cocooning her under metal and floor, "How much longer?" She asked.

"_One minute." _

She nodded and curled herself inwards, like a caterpillar before its metamorphosis, "I'll see you guys later." She said refusing to say goodbye. "I'm turning the mic off now." It was the only warning she gave and turned the frequency off, cutting her teammates off.

She always thought waiting to pull the trigger during her snipping days or sneaking through when she gathered Intel was intense but nothing, _nothing_ compared to the waiting that she was stuck doing at that moment. She didn't know how long she had, she didn't know anything but the sweat pooling on her skin. She refused to close her eyes, but decided to do her own countdown.

"One, two, three…" She swallowed and forced herself to count past the terror growing in the pit of her stomach, her voice faltered when she heard a loud high pitch beeping and recognised the ten-second count down beeping from training. She braced herself for the impact and slammed her eyes shut, clamping her hands over her ears just as she felt the hot impact and screeching boom of the first bomb exploding.


	26. The Metamorphosis

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. I'm so happy all of you enjoyed the last chapter, thank you so very much. I also made sure not to tell anyone how many chapters left because I wanted the cliffhanger to be even more daunting and cruel. But the end is Chapter 34. I also want to maybe go a little more in-depth about Miller and the bathroom thing. Miller is a genius and the only time he was felled was by Addison in the ruins of the bathroom and being so narcissistic and bat crap crazy, it only makes sense that he'd be so obsessed about bathrooms and wanting to bring her down in one. I hope that clears it up, thank you. _

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><p><em><strong>I<strong>__'m not afraid of death. It's the stake one puts up in order to play the game of life.__ — __Jean Giraudoux_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

**The Metamorphosis **

The team stood outside the trailer and their parked vehicles, past the yellow tape but still half an acre away from the house, it had been easy enough for them to vacate the premises. The mansion that Addison was stuck in had been the only one for a few acres, so they hadn't had to worry about that many onlookers.

Jules had her arms wrapped around Parker's midriff, quietly crying as she stared at the house when the first bomb exploded, glass spraying from the second floor; she could feel the heat from where they were all standing, she just prayed that Addie would be okay.

She heard a sob and glanced towards Ed to see Sara still clinging to him and sobbing Addison's name out. Sam stood besides her, her quiet comfort, Wordy and Spike stood a few feet away from them, bracing themselves but refusing to look away. She would never forget the way they stood, like two comrades watching their fellow soldier be buried into the ground. She bit back a sob as yet another bomb rang out, feeling the bile rise from her throat and pushed away from Parker to stumble away from everyone. Jules didn't want to be touched, she didn't want anything: she wanted to succumb to the pain, to run into the burning building and scream until the world knew her anguish. She gagged a few times, the tears pouring freely down her face, "Please make it, Addie." She whispered into the wind.

Ed held tighter to Sara as the poor woman grasped his vest in her hands and sobbed, "Shh, she'll make it." He croaked, his throat refusing to function when the ground shook with the next explosion. He swallowed, ignoring the need to brush away the tears that betrayed his composure: she had to survive; there was no other option for him.

Sam bent down and slowly pulled Jules into his arms, he didn't care if anyone was watching, she needed him and that was all that mattered. He held her tight as they both looked away when a third bomb exploded, he felt as though someone was squeezing his heart and his lungs were constricting against the acrid smell of the fire burning the house. Addie was like a sister to him and it physically pained him to know that she was still in that burning building when he couldn't do anything to save her.

Parker swallowed and dialled for the EMT and Fire crew again, he was impatient but he refused to focus on the dropping of his stomach when the third bomb rocked the ground. He felt the weight of another life settle on his shoulders but he refused to let them droop, she was his little girl and he felt as though he had failed his own child. She was a fighter and he would expect nothing but her survival, even if he had to drag her from the ground and revive her himself.

Wordy wiped haphazardly at his eyes and forced himself to watch, if he looked away, he would feel like he wasn't doing her justice. And if he could somehow focus on what was left of the bathroom and will her to live, he wouldn't even blink.

Spike bit down on his lip and squeezed his hands tighter into fists, he couldn't breathe, and he couldn't even think about anything but the buzzing of his ears amiss the white crashing silence of shock. He never even told her—no, he wouldn't think about any of that. He would only think about getting her out of the burning wreck, he had to get her. He took a step towards the burning house but was pulled back, "No, Spike." Wordy quietly said as yet another bomb rocked the rubble. He saw red: when he got his hands on Miller…there would be nothing left. "Please, Addie. Please come home." He whispered to himself.

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She covered her mouth with her shaking hand and coughed, she was suffocated in the greasy waves of the acrid burning smoke, feeling it scar its way into her lungs. The tub had bent itself on each impact of the explosions and she highly doubted it could survive a few more. It acted as a barrier from most of the bombs but it also had become a coffin. But she still couldn't move, she had counted way more than four canisters of the bombs: she didn't think the house, the tub, nor her could handle anymore though. Even though her skin felt like it was peeling away from her body, her eyes watering in the burning grey plumes, she had to keep living. What had seemed like a great idea at the time would probably be her very real demise, the metal was cocooning her from the crashing of the ceiling and the shocks of the bombs but she couldn't take the heat. The heat and the smoke would cook her alive if she didn't do something about it. She was past worrying about the emotional damage of her team: her survival was instinctual.

She slowly crawled; pushing the tub to what she hoped was the door…or whatever was left of the door but she was disorientated and even the floor burned her hands. She felt the metal tub slide and she grunted past the pain, not bothering to waste whatever was left of her air supply when she felt the edge of her tub hit something. She had counted the seconds between each bomb and waited for the fourth one to rock the tub back against the wall, the air getting hotter and hotter for her to breathe. She kicked the tub off of her and knew she only had twenty seconds to run as far and as fast as possible.

She heard the groaning from what was left of the structure of the burning ruins and ran through what she hoped was the door. She counted aloud, running through the rubble, tripping over a burning wooden beam and crawled under it, her back burning anew. She ignored the searing burns, the smell of her hair and her clothes burning, running past the burning wood and plaster, and tripped once again but this time at the head of the very large staircase. She stuttered out 'twenty-three' and the entire house shook, the shockwave throwing her down the many, many steps. She covered her head and tried to stop herself from falling further, trying to grab the railing with her bleeding and burnt hand, her weight and gravity working against her but instead felt something give. She forced her eyes open, hearing the sickening crack from something breaking in her hand, the greasy, tar slick waves of pain washing over her, threatening to drown her in it. Despite her better judgement, she let go of the railing, her hand unable to grasp any longer and fell the rest of the way down the very large staircase, hitting her head on the last step. She lay sprawling in the ruins of the foyer and stared at the ceiling, her body shuddering in constant pain. But if she survived four TF bombs, severe burning, her skin peeling from her body until she couldn't tell what was muscle, blood, grit, dirt, and skin: she damn well was going to make it out of this rubble. Even if she died afterwards: she would win the game.

She shoved herself into a sitting position, cradling her broken hand and forced herself to stand up, wavering on her feet; she quickly glanced around herself and cursed. She was surrounded by fire and rubble; she couldn't even see a foot away from her, the ash floating in the air, like a pyro's perfect Christmas. She heard something crash and stumbled forward, screaming in agony when something very heavy and very hot landed on her back, "No, no, no." She whimpered, fighting against the burning beam. She fought against the suffocation, the sticky waves of pain, trying to unzip her vest and wrestle her way out from under the beam.

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Jules pushed away from Sam when her ears recognised the sounds of the both the paramedics and the fire fighters. She watched through a narrow scope of grief and denial as Parker ran forward to meet and brief them on the occurrence.

"Let me go!" Spike shouted, wrestling against Wordy and Ed.

"No, there's nothing you can do, let them do their jobs. You're only going to be in their way and hinder them from helping her." Ed quietly said.

Jules pushed her way through and stood in front of a wild, grief stricken Spike, "Mike, let them help her now." She said quietly, reaching out and grasping his fist in both of her hands. They all stood witness and hoped against all odds that she would survive.

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Addison felt something cool on her head and groaned, it was either an animal peeing on her or she was dead, because that cool water felt so good against her skin. She reached down to turn on the microphone but realised it had melted to her belt, she slowly crawled, wincing when she felt her skin tear and shred as she crawled over broken glass and shards of wood and ash. She could see the blinding light in a tunnel of burning darkness and she crawled towards the sounds of what sounded like people shouting. She was beyond thinking, beyond words: all that mattered was getting out alive.

She had a few feet left to the threshold of the house and raised a broken hand and waved it uselessly, "Over here." She shouted, her voice burning and coarse from the damage it sustained.

"We see something." A shout and the static and buzz of a walkie-talkie. "We've got her."

She felt gloved hands under her armpits that pulled her away and out of the rubble, "Stay with us, sweetheart." She heard a gentle voice say.

"Sweet Jesus, look at her. It's a wonder if she survives." She heard a muffled voice emanate from the yellow creatures to her right say.

She whimpered when some demon prodded her side, "Don't hurt me." She muttered, gods, she never thought hell would be something like this.

"Let's get her away from this." A voice ordered and she wondered if angels really did exist.

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Spike squinted as he watched the fire fighters begin to spray water and the EMT's looking around their feet for her. "Come on, Addie. Come on." He ordered under his breath.

"_We see something."_

A ripple went through the team and they all stared at the rubble, "Addison!" Sara shouted, making a run towards the house but was ripped back by Wordy.

"_We've got her." _

Spike didn't remember running, but he ran with vigour and sprinted towards the huddle of rescue workers, "Where is she?" He asked, his eyes bouncing around the melee of rubble until he saw what he thought was her. "Oh god, Addie." He brokenly said, his knees buckling when he spied a charred, bloody Addie.

Wordy came up and pulled him up, "Is she—" He swallowed again and hefted Spike to his feet, it was difficult to even say but Wordy forced himself to, "Is she…is she alive?" He asked quietly.

The EMT frowned, "She is for now."

Parker nodded, slightly out of breath: not from the sprinting but from the sheer terror of the day, "We'll meet you there."


	27. An Unallied Fool

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it._

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><p><em><strong>W<strong>__e are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.__ — __Jean Giraudoux_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

**An Unallied Fool**

"Its bullshit." Jules snapped, pacing the sterile hospital hallway.

Parker sighed and tried not to grimace too much as he drank the coffee, "Its protocol."

"Its not our protocol." Wordy interrupted, throwing another glare towards the two men that barred entry into Addison's hospital room. The two large men clad in suits didn't even notice when everyone turned to scowl at them.

"Its army protocol, guys." Sam quietly explained. Though the more he thought about it, the more he realised that any normal soldier wouldn't have two menacing guards…she either was now very important, or very dangerous. He frowned and suddenly wished he had done more digging into her past: he should have at least asked her more questions.

Spike stared stonily at the door, ignoring the commotion around him, he had tried shoving past, he had tried yelling and almost throwing a chair at the two guards and still, they didn't budge. He didn't mind them guarding her and keeping her safe but he sure as hell minded that they were prohibiting everyone except the doctor from entering.

"What kind of military protocol is that?" Ed asked refusing to accept that he couldn't see Addie. He leaned back in the mint green plastic chair as it creaked under his weight: after following the paramedics at neck breaking speed, they had all ran into the hospital only to be told that she was in surgery and they would have to wait. So they had all piled into the elevator to find something with caffeine from the cafeteria and had debriefed, growing more impatient and frustrated as the hours ticked by.

Finally, Parker had put his foot down and demanded to know where she was only to be told she was now healing in a private room and they were not allowed to see her. What bugged Ed the most was the fact that the doctor hadn't even bothered to look contrite or in the least bit sympathetic. And so he did the only thing he knew to do, annoy the hell out of the hospital staff until they conceded. He had ordered everyone to 'borrow' a chair from the waiting room and drag it into the hallway and place it against the wall, facing her room, at least this way they could wait for her: and keep an eye on the guards as well.

"Its CSIS protocol." A warm voice mused from the edge of the hallway.

Jules rolled her eyes at Brent, "Agent Perry." Parker greeted politely and stood to shake her hand.

"Its stupid protocol." Jules muttered, earning a snort of agreement from Wordy and a nudge from Ed: she ignored the un-amused look Sam threw her way: he could sleep on the couch if he disagreed with her, she mentally shrugged.

Brent snorted, "Now I see why she refused to come back. Just as well." He muttered, they were like guard dogs, snarling and wanting to scratch his eyes out.

"What?" Spike asked.

"Addie's leaving?" Jules muttered over the lump in her throat.

The agent shook his head, "We offered, she refused. Though I think she may have to come back until we catch Miller." He said lightly but they all knew that there were no other options.

Parker sighed sadly, "Its better this way, guys. She'll be able to focus on catching him without worrying about us." He frowned, he hated agreeing with the bastard but it was true.

Jules shook her head, she wouldn't believe any of it until she saw Addie for herself, "I want to see Addie."

Brent shook his head, "Can't do that." He said and so much as a nod to the guards, he passed through the human barrier and quietly shut the door behind him.

"That's bullshit, they don't expect her to come running just because they snapped their fingers." Wordy argued, scowling at Parker.

Ed sighed and ran a hand over his head, "The government doesn't have expect, Wordy, they know she'll have to."

"Will she come back? Will she still have a place on the team?" Sam asked.

"There'll always be a place on the team for her, if she does come back." Parker said.

Spike shook his head, "She'll come back. She has to." He refused to accept otherwise.

0000000000000000

Brent closed the door behind him and his heart gave a start when he realised the hospital bed was very much empty, "Addison." He quietly called out.

She rolled her eyes and stared at her reflection in the mirror, aside from her head being swaddled with bandages, her face looking like a scratching post for cats, a few cracked ribs, a broken hand, swollen ankle, something torn in her knee: her entire body was swaddled in bandages. And her hair? She shook her head: she didn't know how she felt about her new haircut. She didn't know if she looked more like Frosty the snowman or the Michelin man. She had woken up this morning disorientated and terribly depressed when she realised her team wasn't surrounding her. She had buzzed the nurse for more morphine and fallen back into the sweet delirium of oblivion until a few minutes ago. Her head felt groggy and stuffed with cotton but she had survived and she was damn grateful for that.

"I'm here." She croaked, regardless of how much water she drank, she sounded hoarse. The doctor had assured her no permanent damage had been done but not to expect to sound like herself for some time. Great: she would sound like a woman having phone sex.

She shoved the bathroom door open and slowly, painfully slow shuffled out, scowling at Brent, "Not the face I was hoping to see."

He smirked, he would not tell her that her team wasn't allowed to see her: he thought maybe her being hurt and abandoned would ignite the fires under her…maybe then she would come back to CSIS. Permanently. He shrugged, "They're all at home resting."

Addison frowned and moved towards her bed, feeling the breath-taking pain of lost hope, though a part of her refused to accept that reason, "Can I go out and see for myself?" She quietly asked.

He shook his head, "No."

She nodded, now she understood. Regardless if she were allowed to see them or not, she was to remain a prisoner here until she healed. She began mentally listing all the curse words she knew in hopes it would make herself feel better: it didn't. "When am I due back?" She asked understanding the game. It wasn't simply about her and Miller…it was bigger than that now. It was the power game between CSIS and Miller and she was just an end, for all of them.

"The moment you are healed, we'll be expecting you. I trust you will take care of this, once and for all?" he asked dryly.

Addison hedged down and allowed the pain to clear her mind, no matter how far she ran from her past, it always bit her in the butt. Whatever friendship had grown between the old Brent Perry and her had changed, had grown acrid under the weight of power and time. She finally realised that Brent wasn't her old buddy anymore, not really: he must have jumped through a lot of hoops to now be a supervisor of an entire unit of agents. She knew the way his shoulders stood taller, the depth of his voice aged with power: she shook her head. How could she ever have forgotten how great of an actor he was; he had lulled her into a calm sense of camaraderie before manipulating her until she was forced to step back into her old position in CSIS. She smirked bitterly and knew it would cost her a few inches of her pride but at this point, she had sacrificed everything and it still wasn't good enough, "Yes, sir." She stood painfully in front of her new boss and saluted him with her bandaged hand.

He nodded coldly, "Heal fast." He threw over his shoulder and stepped out of the room.

She watched him go and sat dejectedly on the bed, tears still clogged with ash rolling down her face, she was now utterly and irrevocably alone with no more allies.


	28. A Bandaged Bear

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. I've been thinking about writing something slightly similar to this story and to my other story (Refuge/Home for Ourselves) but I'm still hazy about certain details. It'll be posted at the sister site: fictionpress. I'll keep you updated. If there's anything you would like to see with the new story, I'm ready to be inspired :) (Also, there's only six chapters left of this story, just wanted to warn you.) _

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><p><em><strong>I <strong>__never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. It will drop dead frozen from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.__ — __Jean Giraudoux_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

**A Bandaged Bear**

_A few days later…_

"Ms Addie, the food is getting cold."

Addison tore her attention away from staring blankly out the barred window, "Thanks Mary." She quietly said, the hoarseness of her voice once again reminding her of reality.

The small nurse sighed, the young woman worried her, she would stare out that window, leaning heavily on her metal cane from dusk till dawn without a peep. "Spike and Jules are back." She quietly mentioned, making the bed. She didn't work for the hospital, in her old age, she was a retired nurse and mother of one of CSIS' agents and they privately hired her to take care of the young agent. They wanted her to spy on Addison, she mused darkly, though her reports were filled with physical healing, she never once mentioned anything else. She didn't mention the words she passed from Addison's old teammates loitering in the hallway to Addison, or how distant the young agent had become. She had tried her best and gotten to know each and every member of Addison's old team and god rest the soul of her old husband, that Ed Lane and Greg Parker were lookers. "I told them to go home but they haven't budged."

"Get the hospital to kick them out." Addison quietly offered, too weary to care.

Mary shook her head, "They did, dear…but they came back the next morning." She mused: it had been a sight to behold. The hospital nurses with their surly attitudes had forced each member from the plastic chair and told them they were barred from entering the hospital until Addison was gone. They had all nodded and left: except for that young Spike fellow. But Ed and the young small woman, Jules, had forced him to leave with them. But the very next morning, Spike and Jules were back. They left periodically and other members of the team would take their place, she smiled to herself: they must have made shifts for their hospital visits. She had tried to get Addison interested about her old team, she had tried to get the young woman to pass notes to and fro but instead, she had just stood there, staring out into the cold pane of glass. Spike's lovely mother and father had even visited a few days past, left a wonderful tin of cookies for Addison but she hadn't touched them. They still remained by the blank pads of paper on the ledge near the window.

Addison sighed, "I'll be ready to leave soon, Mary, probably by the end of the week. If you could put that into your report, I'd be much obliged."

Mary quietly nodded, "Yes, dear."

She waited until the old nurse closed the door before letting her shoulders painfully slump, "I can't do this anymore." She quietly whispered to herself.

She shook her head, if Mike and Jules, Wordy, Sam, Ed, and Parker made regular visits to remind her of the team's solidarity, she would do them right by ending things as soon as possible. She sighed, she exhausted herself so easily these days and though it was because of her healing body, a part of her feared it could be because she was so close to giving up. So close to just faltering and falling under the weight of it all. It was time to put her plan into action; she wouldn't hide behind the forced security of this sterile, cold room anymore. The only way for her to live her life was to end the game.

"Mary? Can you please come back to my room?" Addison asked into the plastic phone near the bed. She was healing and done waiting. She heard the door creak open and she nodded, "I'm ready to go home now, can you please get a car to take me home?" She asked with new resolve.

The old nurse stared but nodded, about damn time Addison did something about all this guard nonsense, "They won't like it." She said pushing to see if the steel in the young woman's voice was real or not.

"Tell them to shove off then. I'm going to rest in my home and do whatever I damn well please." She snapped, shuffling towards the bed.

"Did you need help changing?" Mary asked, pleased with this new turn of events.

Addison threw the older woman a look, "I think you've seen me naked enough, don't you think?" She mused, shaking her head when Mary laughed and left the room. It took her longer than she expected to change into her street clothes Jules had passed along to Mary but finally she was done and changed. She lifted the small bag with her casted hand and began limping towards the door, it killed her using a stupid cane but she had no choice. And the thought of falling over didn't hold that much appeal either.

She tapped the door with her uninjured foot and waited for one of the guards to open the door, "Ready to leave now?" One of them asked.

Her eyes lighted when she found Jules and Spike standing against the wall, staring at her, she didn't want to smile: she was too emotional for any of this. She was pissed at herself for her maudlin, she was pissed at Brent, she was pissed at the guards, pissed at Mary for being so kind and damn well pissed at Jules and Spike. "I'm gone for a few days and you can't even take care of yourself?" Addison snapped at Jules, "You look horrible." She muttered, limping out of the room. She stopped between the two guards and absorbed the most wonderful sight in front of her, though they both looked exhausted and rough: they were a marvellous sight. Jules had her hair in a haphazard ponytail, dirty chunks leaking through the knot, a wrinkled stained yellow shirt, black pants that looked like there was still crumbs sticking to one thigh, and dark shadows under her eyes…Addison felt a twinge of guilt amalgamating with the self-directed anger. She glanced at Spike and noted the stained, wrinkled clothes, the beard and unkempt hair, the scowl, "What are you frowning at?" She snapped.

Spike stared at her, "You look horrible." He muttered, a grin plastering his face.

Jules elbowed his side, "She looks wonderful." She smiled, stepping towards Addison.

One of the men stepped forward, stopping Jules in mid-step, "Addie?" Jules asked, hurt swimming in her tone.

"I've had enough of this." Addison snapped, feeling like a feral lioness wanting to protect her cub, she turned towards the two men in suits and frowned fiercely, nodding when one of them swallowed audibly, "Your job is over. You've done it and now you can run back to Brent and debrief." She ordered.

One of them shuffled his feet, "Agent—"

She smirked bitterly, "That's an order." She retorted and scowled at them until they finally stepped aside. "Let's go." She snapped to Jules and Spike.

Jules gently grabbed the bag from Addison; "You should have done that a lot sooner." She chided quietly.

Addison glared down at her friend for a minute, before nodding, "You're right. But while we're on the subject of wrongness…how could you let yourself go like this? Didn't you realise it would bug me more to see you all like this…?" She didn't bother continuing.

Spike rolled his eyes and shrugged, the way he saw it, she could snap and snarl all she wanted. He was just happy to see her again, "We're sorry." He pacified, grabbing her arm and carrying some of her weight, "Aren't we, Jules?" He asked.

Jules smiled, she wasn't sorry but if it would pacify the snarling bear, she would say whatever was needed, "We're very sorry." She grinned.

"Shut up, both of you. Take me home. Jules, you're staying for dinner and then you're going to leave me alone with Spike." She snapped, grunting in pain when the elevator finally stopped its lurching.

Jules nodded, keeping a wary eye on her injured friend and manning the crowd, if one old lady even glanced at Addison, she'd be on the grandma faster than…well, she would just jump the old lady, "What about the team?"

Addison shook her head, she knew she wasn't up for histrionics, or goodbyes before she left to go hunt down Miller, the faster she left, the faster she could come back. "Just tell them that I wasn't feeling well." She ordered, it was a weak excuse but they would understand…right?

"Put the invalid in the back." Jules said, leaving Spike to help Addie into the backseat of the car.

"What did you just say?" Addison growled.

"You sound like a porn star with that new voice." Jules retorted, igniting the engine.

Spike stopped, halfway in the back seat as he leant over a lying Addie to stare at Jules, "What did you just say? How the hell would you know what one sounds like?" He asked incredulously before shaking his head, "You know what? I don't want to know."

"Can we please not talk about porn while you lying like this?" Addison asked grumpily, though her eyes and body said differently.

He stared down at her and smirked, "Fine, can I sit back here with you?" He asked.

She shook her head, feeling the warmth from his thighs radiate into her much colder ones, "Nope, I want to lie down. Get your own seat." She smirked.

"I don't know how I could miss you." He muttered happily, stealing a chaste kiss before slamming the door shut. She squirmed painfully, trying desperately to alleviate the throbbing between her legs. Damn it, her body was in constant pain and now parts of her body were throbbing. When she got him alone, she'd jump him…she wasn't even going to give him the option of running away again.

"What do bears eat?" Jules asked Spike as he buckled in.

Addison glanced at them, her two favourite people in the same vicinity. How much happier could she be? "Why?" She asked grumpily.

He shrugged, "I'm not sure. I'd think berries and fish." He smiled.

"Addie, how do you feel about salmon and a fruit salad?" Jules asked, sharing a grin with Spike. She quietly noted how good she felt, the feelings of dread evaporating when she saw Addie and the amount of grins and smiles that Spike and her expressed? She hadn't realised how long it had been since they last smiled so easily and unguarded.

"Screw you." Addison quipped, a small smile playing her lips.


	29. The Healing Waters of Hunger

_**Disclaimer:**__I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. ((Angelinsydney, the reason why Spike remained quite during her ordeal (and especially when she told him she loved him in Latin) was because the rest of the team was still listening and that whatever was being recorded would get filed. There were many reasons: Addison didn't want to get Parker in trouble for her and Spike's relationship, she wanted what was between her and Spike to be private, especially when she told him she loved him. That's a pretty private moment in a very intrusive scenario. Hope that helps.)) _

**_A_**_**/N**: Just a quick warning, this chapter is the reason for the rating change, it's not explicit by any means but I'd rather be safe than sorry. If you are uncomfortable with that, please skip the last part of this chapter. Thank you._

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><p><em><strong>T<strong>__he way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.__ —__G.K. Chesterto_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

**The Healing Waters of Hunger**

Addison stared at Jules' plate, "Aren't you eating?" She asked crankily.

Jules shook her head and stared at her friend across the table, "Just soaking it all in." She smiled.

"I don't know how I could miss you and your damn smiling all the time." Addison quipped, reaching for yet another serving of pasta.

"I think they should lock you back up." Jules quipped with a wider grin.

Spike rolled his eyes, the Italian food was good but he knew his ma's was better, which reminded him, "Mom wants you to come home and visit when you feel better." He gently reminded the bear.

Addison nodded, shovelling more food into her mouth, "Were they starving you?" Jules asked slightly disgusted and amused by Addison attacking her food.

She shook her head, "No, but I didn't feel like eating." She replied seriously.

"So, what are your plans?" Jules asked, finally deciding it was safe to grab another breadstick without having Addie growl at her.

She shrugged, ignoring the quick shot of pain, "I'm going to spend a few days here, healing and then I'm going to end this." She said, draining her glass of water.

Spike stood to refill it, "Are you sure?" He asked, wanting to give her another option they all knew she couldn't afford to take.

She nodded, "I have to end things now before I can move on." She answered, her fingers briefly touching his as she accepted the filled cup. They shared a quiet smile that warmed Addison to her toes.

"Are you going to get in trouble?" Jules asked.

Addison glanced away from the heat and promise in Spike's eyes to glance at her friend, "For what?"

"For leaving the hospital, for kicking the guards out?"

She smirked at her friend, "They need me and at this point, they're just testing to see how far they can push me."

"So…Agent Brent—" Jules began.

She frowned lightly and took another noncommittal sip of water, "Is now my boss." She earned incredulous glances from both of them before sighing and setting the cup back down on the table, "He didn't say anything because he was testing me and he knew that if I knew he was my boss, I would never have willingly helped them catch Miller."

"Wait, so you're saying they let us do all the dirty work?" Spiked asked, his hands flexing angrily on the table. He knew Brent was trouble, damn it: he should have kicked the man's ass from the start.

"That and they really want me back." She quietly replied.

Jules cursed and both Addison and Spike stared in horror at the things she muttered, "You seem so innocent and sweet but…" Addison commented to herself, shocked that Jules knew _that_ many curses.

"You're not leaving." Spike and Jules snapped at the same time.

Addison turned her attention back to the food, "You should see if your mom can make this." She said to Spike but sighed when she realised they were still frowning at her. "I have to go and take care of Miller. And quite frankly, you insult me by thinking I'd leave all of your ugly faces." She snapped.

Jules nodded, pacified, "Now pass me the garlic bread before you eat it all."

0000000000000000

"Its time for you to go to bed now." Spike said, glancing over his shoulder to see another jaw-breaking yawn take over Addison.

She shook her head, "You didn't have to kick Jules out." She muttered.

"I didn't. I just told her we have to work tomorrow and she _really_ needs to catch up on her beauty sleep." Spike explained, rinsing the dishes.

"I want to take a shower." Addison announced, using her cane to hoist herself up, grunting and huffing under her breath.

"Call if you need me." Spike said offhandedly. She stared at his back and scrutinised what she saw. She noted the bunch of his shoulders, the tension radiating off from him, his forced nonchalance…she nodded and slowly left the kitchen to hobble her way towards the bathroom.

She knew he was just as affected as she was, maybe even more so but he was giving her time and space to decompress and heal. She snorted and slowly began the arduous task of stripping out of her clothes, if she were in his place: she'd do the same. She shook her head, last time she had allowed him to turn away when she offered herself to him but this time, this time she wanted a piece of him: she needed to feel the heat of his caress. She was tired of being alone.

Turning the water on and waiting for it to warm before she stepped in, she paid heed to her cast and quickly washed her hair: knowing Mike, he probably hated himself for not being able to save her. And it pained her to know that regardless of what she said, he would still think he had failed her. So, she had decided she would help him get over this complex.

"Mike! Mike, help me!" She shouted, realising her voice couldn't reach that high of an octave but still, it did the job when he sprinted into the bathroom, ripped the curtain aside and stared at her, a harried and worried look in his eyes.

"What the hell?" He asked angrily noting she wasn't under attack. He swallowed and tried to pull his attention away from her nudity and stare at her wounds, he began shaking and didn't even realise he was gripping the curtain in his fist until she slowly pried it from his gasp.

"Its okay, Mike. It doesn't hurt, nothing does anymore." She quietly said, her heart breaking when a new wave of desolation swam in his eyes. So far, her plan was a miserable failure. Instead of turning him on, she somehow had reminded him of his nonsensical guilt.

He shook his head, "I should leave you alone." He quietly said, his voice rougher than sandpaper.

"I need help…washing my back." She replied innocently, it was a horribly thin excuse but it didn't matter.

He stared at her before nodding to himself, "Turn around." He said, making no move to enter the shower with her.

She stared at him in horror: he really wasn't making it easy on her, "There's no way in hell I'm going to. You have to come in." She snapped and raised an eyebrow when he made a move to argue, "I don't want water everywhere." She explained reasonably, though at this point, she didn't even care.

He sighed torturously, "Fine. But I'm leaving my underwear on." He muttered.

She smirked, "Like that's going to stop me from accosting you. What? I'm just saying _if_ I was to make a move on you." She explained innocently when he shot her a dirty look. She swallowed the lust down and slowly squirmed again, the throbbing now an incessant painful ache: she inhaled the steamy air and let her eyes roam over muscled plains of flesh. She frowned and stared accusingly at his boxers, _my enemy_, she thought angrily.

He stepped in and closed the curtain, encasing them in their own little world. Addison had never showered with another man before, it never appealed to her and gods forbid if someone fell and died? Not the way she wanted to be remembered, quite frankly. But with Mike? There was not one thing that didn't appeal to her, hell: even sharing a meal with him turned her into a puddle of hormones. He gently grasped the elbow of her casted hand and lifted it, letting it rest on his bare shoulders, "Your hair too?" He asked huskily and she nodded dry-mouthed, quickly forgetting that she had already watched it.

She shuddered slightly when his eyes fell to her mouth and she licked her lips, daring him to do something. He reached for the bottle of shampoo instead and she sighed, she almost had him if it weren't for his damn stubbornness. She watched him through lust-ridden eyes as he squeezed a small circle in his hands and began massaging her scalp. Her head fell back in a moan and she raised her free hand to slide it up his chest, so far gone that she didn't notice the way he trembled. "Ready?" His husky voice asked.

She felt him reach over her head to move the spray-nozzle of the shower and she moved her head to graze her lips against his bicep, she couldn't see him with her eyes being closed but she knew by his sudden sharp intake of air that he had liked it. "Okay, keep your eyes closed."

Addison let him rinse and condition her hair, and then she opened her eyes and stared in his almost black eyes that were darkened with lust, "Pass me the soap." She whispered.

He swallowed and reached over, grabbing the small square and handing it to her, "Now, don't move." She ordered quietly.

"Addie…" He warned.

She shook her head and began to slowly wash his arms and chest with her one hand. She ignored everything: the plains of muscle, the golden skin, the way his breath caught and focused on calming her erratic heart. She had wanted to fall to her knees and devour him but her ribs still ached and she had no intentions of flopping around like a fish. So instead, she did the next best thing and lathered her hand and dropped the soap, "Addison—" Mike began.

She shook her head, "I'm not done yet." She slowly moved her hand down, staring intently into his foggy eyes.

"Addie, please—" He whispered and neither of them really knew or cared if he meant to stop her or encourage her as her hand encircled him. He shoved one hand in her hair and the other slid down the length of her back as he pulled her to him. She moved closer and snagged his lips with hers, tasting his need: everything around them fell away and she swallowed his moans until she felt him stiffen.

"Damn it, Addie." He muttered, bending to nuzzle her neck, "You're going to have a very large water bill."

She smirked, too overcome with need to do anything else; she cupped his neck and devoured his mouth. He released her hair and snagged another bar of soap, "seriously?" He asked amusedly, he hadn't noticed until now that she had four or five different types of soap.

She shrugged, she was too hormonal to even smile and frowned crankily instead, "Different soaps for different moods."

He grinned, she had claws and he loved that about her, he lathered his hands and began soaping her arms, her back—her head fell back on a moan when he began 'washing' her front. She shivered and tried to move closer to him, "I'm going to kill you." She muttered, her voice riddled with unquenchable need.

He laughed and ran his hand down her stomach, kneeling to wash her legs and thighs until he felt her quivering. He stood back up and lifted her wounded hand back to rest on his shoulder as he ran his hand over her stomach again, letting his fingers flutter between her legs. "Mike." She gasped and widened her stance for him, and moaned into his mouth when his hand stoked the warmth between her legs.

Spike held her as she grew wild, falling apart in his arms and damn if he didn't almost explode when she did. He held her until the water grew almost unbearably cold before he reached down and turned the knobs off. "Addie, honey, its time to go to bed now." He whispered, glancing down and gently wiping the wet-locked strands of hair from her face. He smiled to himself and slowly hefted her closer to his chest, trying not to jostle the sleeping woman in his arms. He snagged a towel and carried her to her bedroom where he began tenderly drying her hair. He ran his hand through her hair: feeling a flutter in his stomach and he frowned, trying to dislodge the odd sensation.


	30. Loneliness in the Face of Laughter

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. I'm trying to keep you in the dark about her plans and her contact, so if you're confused: good. I've littered hints about what she'd do around this chapter but if you haven't found them, that's okay, you'll find out in the next few chapters. Thanks._

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><p><em><strong>R<strong>__emember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand. __— __Emily Kimbrough_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Thirty**

**Loneliness in the Face of Laughter**

Addison woke with a start, feeling something warm pull her closer to a warm body and she closed her eyes, trying to calm herself. The feelings of waking up to someone naked was so foreign she had woken ready to fight. She smiled to herself and spied her mobile resting near the lamp on the bedside table. She reached over not wanting to wake Spike and winced when she felt an uncomfortable pull between her ribs, she finally snagged her phone and quietly went through her contacts. Quickly writing an email to the contact with one hand was difficult, doing so in the presence of a naked man whom she didn't want to wake was even more challenging. She sent the message and shoved her phone haphazardly away from her and snuggled deeper into Spike's arms. She felt him stir and shivered when he planted a gentle kiss on her shoulder, "Good morning." He murmured.

She rolled in arms to face him, "Sorry about passing out on you last night." She said, littering kisses all over his face. He smiled at her and she stared down at him, seeing his intimate smile that she never wanted another human to ever witness. She sheathed her proverbial claws and slowly pushed away from him, "I'm going to take a shower first."

He sighed and let his head fall back onto the pillow, "I guess that means I have breakfast duty." Realistically, he knew he couldn't ravish her first thing in the morning but since last night, having a small taste of her hadn't quenched his thirst. It had only exacerbated it and he was almost shaking with need: if it weren't Addie, he would be almost embarrassed.

She threw a grin over her shoulder and limped into the bathroom, feeling herself flush in the memories of last night. She bent down and slowly started the water, stepping into the warm sprays. It had almost killed her to leave the quiet warmth of his arms but she had forced herself to. She was leaving as soon as she could walk in a straight line without limping and it would do no good to fall into bed with him. She knew the moment she fell in his arms, she would never want to leave and she refused to let Miller get away with almost killing her and hurting her team. Addison knew she had to do something about Miller and simply handing him over to Brent wasn't an option anymore. She finished quickly, not having any reasons to linger in the shower when Spike was standing in the kitchen and went through her bathroom routine, growing calmer as she lost herself in the routine.

"Move your ass, Addie. The food is getting cold." She heard Spike yell and she smiled to herself, it was so domestic but it felt so right.

She entered the kitchen and for a second, quietly watched him move around her kitchen, wearing his clothes from last night, "You're staring." Spike muttered, adding eggs to her plate.

"You're sexy." She quipped and grinned when he almost spilled eggs into her orange juice.

"Dig in." He said, staring intently at her. It took all of her will to eat the food, though it was delicious, she kept catching Spike staring intently at her or she was caught doing the same. They finally finished their breakfast and Addison helped him wash the dishes.

She sidled up closer to him and kissed his cheek quickly, lust flashed in his eyes but he shook his head, "I have to go, Addie."

She tried not to frown and nodded, she was not going to be clingy, regardless of how good tying him to her bed with duck tape sounded. "Can I come over tonight?" She asked.

He shook his head and she squinted at him, "No because I'm coming back in two hours." He murmured kissing her: she lifted her arms and wrapped them around his neck, sighing into his mouth.

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Addison lied on her couch, staring at the white ceiling, her mobile phone in her hand. She was waiting to hear back from her contact and she grew more worried that she'd have to go on without him when he didn't call immediately. She frowned at the celling, she should be happy that she finally had some semblance control back over her life but she wasn't. Miller was running loose, she hadn't seen any of her teammates since the explosion and damn it, she told Spike she loved him the day of the explosion and he acted as though she had never even uttered it. She scowled, she was just overreacting, it was as simple as that. Maybe he _had_ forgotten: maybe she should just ignore that she had ever said it and pretend none of it mattered. But it did matter. She was in love with the damn bastard and he was pretending like everything was back to normal.

She slowly shoved away from the couch and began to pace angrily, though in her case it was more like limping and the way her hair had dried: she probably looked like an old hag from a witch's tale than anything else. It had taken her a near-death experience for her to realise that she loved the bastard and what did he do when she told him? Nothing…to be fair, maybe he didn't know what it meant. She shook her head and cursed the need to advocate for him, he was a computer genius and if he hadn't looked it up, he was hopeless. Her phone vibrated and she reached for it, grunting like an old lady, "Are you coming?" she asked, recognising the number.

She heard a snort, _"Yeah, I'll be there. Are you sure?"_

"Yes…thank you." She finished gently.

"_Don't ever say I never did anything for you…"_ He admonished, _"Authority?"_ He asked.

She shook her head to herself, "Off the records. Officially, just a CSIS agent, no name will be required for the report."

"_Good."_ He muttered and by the background noises it sounded as though he were in the back of a taxi.

"What time should I be expecting you?" She asked.

"Tomorrow at thirteen hundred." He answered.

She rolled her eyes and smiled despite everything, "You know…you could just tell me the time." She never understood why he always felt the need to be so precise.

"It wouldn't be as fun." She heard the shrug in his voice and hung up.

She sighed and ran a hand over her eyes, she felt refreshed after falling asleep in Spike's arms but damn it, she couldn't handle this waiting period. Miller would have known by now that she had survived and she knew he was already plotting round two. But little did he know, she was done planning: she was ready for the end. She rubbed her anxious stomach and heard a confident knock on her door: she reached for her standard issue handgun and clicked the safety off. Trying not to breathe too loudly, she walked unsteadily towards the door and quickly glanced through the peephole, "Ed?" She asked, opening the door and shoving the safety back on.

Ed glanced down at the gun in her hand and nodded before stepping inside and locking the door behind him, "What are you—" She finished in a whoosh, the air being knocked out from her when Ed had crossed the distance between them and ripped her into his arms.

She held tightly to him, closing her eyes and breathing in his spicy scent, just being near him and she felt more confident: she was so thankful for his presence in her life. She went to release him and noticed he was still holding her tightly to him, stroking her hair and she realised he wasn't holding her to comfort her; he was holding her to comfort himself. Every so often she felt a slight tremble shake his entire frame and she began murmuring soothing sounds to him, "Addie—I was so goddamn scared…and helpless." He broke and pulled away to wipe at his eyes.

Addison smiled gently at him and went to the table and grabbed a tissue for him, "I'm sorry, Ed." She sat on the small coffee table and patted the couch in front of her. He nodded and took a minute to compose himself before sitting down, Addison let out a slight shuddering breath: she had spent so many hours crying since coming back home to Toronto and damn it if she was going to cry now. If she did, she'd just have to punch herself in the face. She felt horribly guilty and silently raged that Miller had forced this upon them all, "You didn't deserve this." Ed went to shake his head and she cut him off, "None of you did and damn Miller for making you all choose between Sara and I."

Ed frowned down at her bruised hands, "You be careful, Addie. Okay? Because I've got to tell you, my damn old heart can't take anymore of this."

She grinned: Ed had a mile-wide frown and was so damn surly, she wanted to run in the other direction screaming at the top of her lungs, "Your old heart? Ed, you do this sort of thing on a daily basis." She laughed at him but quieted when she caught his frown, "What?" She asked fearfully. She remembered the first time laying eyes on him and she wasn't even afraid to admit that he had scared her witless. And he still did but she had come to realise that underneath the growls and the gruff: he was a gummy bear.

Ed didn't want to tell her about the moments of speechless terror as they all stood and bore witness to the exploding house. He didn't want to tell her about the bleakness of his life at the mere thought of living without her: she was his chosen family and he would protect her. It would kill her to know the pain they all went through and maybe that's what Miller wanted. But it would be a cold day in hell when he told her: he swore to protect her and he was damn well going to. "If you ever—_ever_ go near a bomb again, I swear to god Addie—" He broke off and ignored her silly grin, "if you keep smiling at me like that, I'll knock it off." He growled in his patented Ed Lane no-nonsense voice.

She forced the giddy smile from her face: would he bite her hand off if she saluted him? "Yes, sir." She tried to sound meek but knew it didn't work when his frown deepened. "Umm, sir?" She asked hesitantly.

Ed raised his brow and crossed his arms, "Yes, Bennett?"

She shoved her snort of laughter under a cough, "I'm Team One's bomb." She carefully mumbled.

His eyes squinted and she felt laughter rising, "Last time I checked, Spike was."

She shrugged not wanting to mention that she was a better specialist than Spike, "But sir—"

"Bennett, that's enough." He snapped and she forced herself not to smile: poking a bear was never a good idea and poking a Lane? If he bit her, she'd probably have rabies.

There was a loud knock at her door and they both stood, Ed shoving her away from the door. "Get in the bedroom and get your gun ready. If they get through me, make a run for it." He quietly ordered, pulling out his gun.

She nodded and walked to her bedroom, her own gun in her hand, though to be terribly honest, she had absolutely no intentions of hiding away in the bedroom. If someone was here for her, she refused to let Ed sacrifice his life for her: they'd both go down with a fight. She closed the door and waited a beat before gently prying it open, slowly poking her head out, "Wordy!" She cried, running towards him.

Ed snagged her gun before she clobbered Wordy in the back of his head and sighed, "You never listen to orders, do you?" He muttered to himself. There was another knock and Wordy motioned towards it, his arms full of a chattering Addison.

She held tightly to him, rambling about how much she missed him and how sorry she was that he had to go through the ordeal: that she'd make it up to him. Wordy hadn't even tried to pretend that he was listening or that he even cared: all that mattered to him was that his little Addie was safe and back where it mattered. He locked his arms around her and they gently rocked, his heart warming exponentially at the sounds of her quiet laughter.

"Hey, if you don't pay attention to me, I'm going to start worrying you like him more than me." She heard Sam comment and she gently dislodged herself from Wordy's grasp.

She grinned at him before throwing herself at Sam, "You're too short." She complained, "its like hugging Jules."

"Hey, I heard that!" She heard Jules' sunshine voice and she grinned.

"I'm thinking the boss is wanting attention." Ed's voice broke in, rolling his eyes as Addie began showing Sam all of her battle wounds and he awed appropriately, though by the sheen of tears in his eyes, he was more than happy to play along. Sam shot him a grateful look and moved aside, wiping his eyes nonchalantly.

Addison turned and found Parker standing near the door, staring at her intently, "Boss." She said, two feet separating them.

"Addie?" Parker asked when she didn't immediately throw herself into his arms.

She raised a brow, "I'm sorry, boss. I'm so, so sorry." She quietly said. He shook his head and opened his arms, and she was once again floored by their easy acceptance and forgivingness. She squeezed him and took a step back, trying to even out her shuddering breathes.

She spied Jules standing near Sam, tears in her eyes before she cleared her throat, "Addison, I'm thirsty." Jules announced seeing her friend's look.

She grinned and nodded to the men filling out her living room, "Have a seat, get comfortable. Don't go in there!" She snapped in good-humour when Sam and Ed poked their heads in the open doorway of her bedroom.

"Its really…bright in here." Sam winced, taking a seat on the edge of the couch. He forced himself not to rub his burning eyes, he knew Addie liked bright colours but…he shook his head and grinned to himself. He was too damn happy to even care that he might be blinded.

Parker nodded, already rubbing his eyes, "I feel like I need sunglasses." He muttered loud enough that Addison heard. He hadn't noticed at first, he had been too busy trying to reassure himself that Addison was up and kicking but holy hell, her apartment looked like a kid threw up neon paint everywhere.

She shook her head and allowed Jules to pull her into the kitchen, "My retinas! Ed send help!" She heard Wordy shout.

"I can't see…is that you, Wordy?" She heard Ed yell back and she rolled her eyes when all the men laughed. Bastards.

"You know, you could have just asked for a moment alone with me…you kind of suck at subtlety." Addison mocked with a smile, leaning against the kitchen counter.

Jules nodded, still too overcome to do anything but stare at her friend, "I'm just so happy…" She whispered, her eyes wet with tears.

Addison stared at her friend and despite having dinner with her last night: it was as if Jules still couldn't believe her eyes. She pushed away from the counter and stood in front of the shorter woman, "Jules…please don't cry." She whispered, cradling her friend's face between her hands.

Jules shook her head, "We were all so scared."

Addison felt her stomach recoil, she wondered darkly if she could cut her own arm off, would it erase the hurt from her family's eyes? And then she stopped, realised she had finally called them her family and knew, despite blood, they _were_. "Jules—" She heard a knock somewhere in the back of her consciousness and then a chorus of male voices called out to the newcomer but she didn't care. All that mattered was making her friend see that she had survived: that they all had survived.

"You'll get him, Addie. You get him and you make sure we are never forced to be helpless again." Jules said, steel lining her words.

Addison nodded, "I promise." She vowed. They pulled apart and Addison began plating cookies and a few other snacks for them.

"I got the beer." Jules smiled, her hands brimming with the cold bottles. She stepped towards the living room, loud and boisterous from the men's talking and laughing before she stopped, "Hey, Addie?"

"Yeah, J?" She asked, realising the cookies and snacks weren't enough. Maybe pizza and wings would do the trick. Or maybe she should just open her damn fridge and let the man have a go at it.

"What does the Latin mean?" Jules asked quietly over her shoulder.

Addison's shoulders fell, "I love you and I will always love you even into eternity…or something like that." She quietly confessed.

Jules nodded, "He'll come around." She said and left quietly.

Addison stared at the empty threshold, her apartment brimming with the sounds of life and happiness and though she should be happy she was alive, she couldn't help but feel a little bit alone at that moment, standing on her own in the kitchen with everyone in the living room laughing. She sighed, "But I don't want to wait forever." She muttered to herself.


	31. Coldness During the Burning

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it._

_If you are uncomfortable with naked Addie/Spike fun times, please skip this chapter. Thank you._

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><p><em><strong>T<strong>__he meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.__ — __Carl Jung_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Thirty-One**

**Coldness During the Burning**

Addison laughed until the tears fell from her eyes, Jules coughing painfully, "You okay, Jules?" Parker asked disgusted at the two ladies: he never knew they could make sounds like that, though to be honest, he'd never seen them as happy. And it felt so good to have everyone back together again.

"Here." Sam said, reaching over the table to pass Jules a napkin.

"Thanks."

Addison spied the two with a tender smile on her face, her thoughts being ruined when Wordy let out a loud belch. She watched Spike and Wordy insult each other with grins on their faces, sitting on the opposite couch. She studied the two intently: trying not to fan herself when she noticed Spike had a slight dimple when he smiled broadly. She shook her head slightly, the damn man had a dimple and she had never noticed before. Though, she had never seen him so happy or carefree and damned if she didn't feel something tug at her heart.

Addison covered her mouth with a hand and let out a jaw-breaking yawn, "Come on guys, Addie needs to rest." Parker said wanting to feel guilty about keeping her up so late but couldn't even be bothered to be anything but happy.

Ed shoved himself from the couch with a groan, "Wordy, if you shove that in Spike's ear—" He threatened finally taking notice of Wordy moving towards Spike with a half eaten piece of celery.

Addison settled into the couch with a smile, watching as Ed and Parker hurdled everyone from her apartment, including Spike. She tried to catch his eye but he was too busy teasing Jules.

"Bye, Addie."

"Take care, okay?"

"Be safe?"

She nodded and leaned deeper into the couch, suddenly so tired and overwhelmed that she couldn't even keep her eyes open if she tried.

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Addison felt a butterfly touch on her cheek and she tried swatting it away, still too deep in slumber's grasp to open her eyes. She felt another caress on her lips and she mumbled an insult, wishing the damn sleep fairies could give her a moment's reprieve. This time when she felt a caress in her hair, she told the sleep fairies she'd sic Spike on them and heard quiet laughter in response.

"Addie, honey, come on. Wake up." She recognised the rich mahogany of Spike's voice and forced herself awake, having no recollection of her threats.

She found herself staring into his darkening eyes, "Hi." She whispered, reaching over to snag his lips.

He sighed into her mouth and slid a hand through the tangle of her hair, "Hi yourself." He said breathlessly when he pulled back, her eyes slumber tumbled and burning with lust.

She stretched and he smiled in male appreciation, "You look like a kitten that just woke up." She reached over and ran her hand through his hair, "What are you doing here?" She asked quietly.

Spike shrugged, "I'd told you I'd be back. I just had to go home and grab a few things." He explained, reaching over and running a hand under her shirt that had ridden up.

She shivered and stared into his eyes, "Mike?" She asked, she was more than ready but she wasn't sure he was.

He lifted her into his arms, and tried to memorise the way she felt in his arms, carrying her towards the bedroom, "Are you sure?" She asked, not wanting regret to destroy what they worked so hard to create.

Spike nodded and gently eased her onto her feet in front of him, "Not wasting anymore time." He ran his hands up and down her back and she forced herself not to give in just yet to the rising temptations.

"But, Mike, I'm leaving." She reminded, she would leave him and her life behind, at least until she brought Miller down.

"But we have tonight."

He bent and captured her lips, her fever rising at the slow caresses of his hands. She didn't care that they had all night, she didn't care that he wanted to take it slow: she needed him now. She felt something snap in her and she began tugging on his shirt, running her hands over the warm muscled plains, devouring his groans when she sunk her fingertips into his back in response to him grazing her neck with his teeth. Heat pooled between her thighs and she grew more incessant in her hunger, nipping his neck until he began pushing her backwards.

She felt the bed bump the back of her knees and she allowed herself to fall, knowing only safety and love would ease the fall. He tugged at her jeans and she rolled her eyes, forcing her mind to function, "Why am I always the first one to be naked?" She asked, noting he still had his jeans on and she was stuck only in her mismatching underwear.

He shrugged out of his shirt, "Technically you're not naked but I'll fix that oversight soon enough." He leaned over her, settling himself against her and she shivered feeling the heat and the delicious weight of him. Only with Spike did she feel more than lust, only with him did she ever allow herself to be free.

Addison felt herself being pulled up slightly so he could rip her bra from her, "You really like colour." He muttered nipping her shoulder.

She shoved her hands into his hair and sucked on his neck, feeling his hands cup her breasts, "You want to talk about this now?" She whispered kissing him more deeply. She moved uncomfortably under him, hating the itch of hunger that grew from his ministrations. She was too edgy with need, the heat threatening to scorch her skin. He somehow knew and replaced his hands with his mouth, opening her thighs so she could hug him more intimately to her.

She had never, in her entire life, felt such all-encompassing hunger, like she'd die if she didn't feel him move over her soon. Sex had never been this emotive, this personal before: yeah, she had adult sleepovers but she never was emotionally invested and it was exactly that, a physical release. This? This was more than she had ever felt, it surpassed her understanding and experience and the gravity and beauty of it scared her speechless. She pushed at Spike's shoulders until he rolled onto his back, the hunger overtaking her shyness. She was ravenous and if she didn't sink her claws into him soon, she didn't think she'd ever be sane again.

Littering kisses all over his face and muscled chest, she tugged at his jeans, "Help." Her husky voice demanded. He lifted his hips and she helped him tug his jeans and boxers away, her breath shuddering out when she found him very much in need. She bent down and rubbed her lips over him, not bothering to tease: they were past games and teasing. He cursed and tried pulling her away from him, "Addie, sweetheart, I don't think I can handle much more." She ignored him and kept up her pace, feeling herself flying in the air before the bed caught her and Mike loomed over her.

"What? I wasn't done." She complained, wanting to taste more of him.

He shook his head and began kissing his way down her body, "I promise, sweetheart that you can have your way with me later." She opened her mouth to complain but a moan escaped instead, his fingers teasing her through the fabric of her underwear.

"Mike." She warned not sure if she wanted him to continue or stop but all she knew was the barrage of sensations as he stripped her completely and lowered his head, tasting and teasing her. She felt the pressure build and her toes curled, "I can't." She whispered feeling like a bucket of water was slowly pouring over her mouth, preventing her from breathing, her blood heating until it felt like her skin wouldn't be able to hold her in her cocoon flesh. She felt like a pane of glass shattering and groaned out his name, allowing herself to fall to pieces. Her eyes fluttered shut and she dazedly became aware of him reaching for something on her night table and a sound of a package being impatiently ripped open.

He settled back on top of her, her thighs instinctively cradling him, "Mike…" she gasped, feeling him slowly fill her. She wanted to shut her eyes against the barrage of sensations but she knew she couldn't hide from him any longer. Her fingers reached out and he locked his hands in hers, staring intensely in her eyes and enjoying the way they darkened and glazed as he eased into her, "Mike—" He bent his head and captured her moan and began to move.

She fought against the rising tide, this special moment was too great to not share with him so she bit down on her lip instead, both their paces quicken. She felt him tighten over her and she allowed the waves of pleasure to crash over her, "I love you." She whispered into his ear, her back arching into him. He shuddered and fell apart in her arms and they held each other until their sweat-laden bodies grew cold and his weight became almost unbearable on her still healing body. She made a small noise and he slowly shifted above her.

Addison slowly became aware of three things.

The first: she was forever irrevocably changed because of Mike.

The second: she wasn't sure if she could feel her feet.

And the third: he hadn't said anything after she told him she loved him.

He moved from her, discarding the used condom before pulling her into his arms. She closed her eyes when he kissed her temple and felt his arms wrap around her. She let herself be held and tried not to worry. Maybe he thought her admission had been in the heat of the moment, maybe he hadn't heard her?

She felt the heat slowly ebb from her and she tried not to shiver, which might jar him from his sleep. She knew the cold had nothing to do with her body cooling: it had everything to do with the awning gap that grew in her. She felt something cold and heavy, like a frozen piece of lead borne from dread settle into her stomach and she knew, regardless of the room's temperature: she would still be cold. And throughout the night, when they turned to each other, not even his passion could warm that part of her, so cold and untouched that it threatened to destroy her.

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><p><em>As you may be aware, there are now only three chapters left of this fic and then I shall be taking a break away from (I don't know when I'll be back, it all depends if I have a nagging need to write but let's face it: what other shows or movies would I want to add an OC in?). I will however, still write on fictionpress (where I hope to devote all of my time (you can find my user name for that site on my profile page)). I've started writing a proper fic, "The Red String" (kudos if you know the meaning behind the title). Here's an excerpt on what is to come:<em>

Devon Mooney crouched over the shredded remains of what used to be a man and grasped tightly onto her control. The wretched stench of bile, the sickly sweet coppery tinge in the air, the stale smell of begging; she tightened her hold and continued her perusal of what was left of the body. She curled her hands into fists until her knuckles were pale with force and ignored the incessant whispers of violence singing in her ear and the prodding sensation that the massacred man's wife was already dead.


	32. Remorseful Perjuries

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it._

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><p><em><strong>A<strong>__ll changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.__ — __Anatole France _

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

**Remorseful Perjuries **

Addison woke to the feelings of warm hands caressing her face and she opened her eyes, finding Spike sitting cross-legged near her, simply watching her. "Hi." He huskily said.

She cleared her throat and shoved the silence of the cold away from the light of day, "Hi yourself."

He let his eyes roam over her and he bent to kiss her, she brushed her lips against his, her nerves screeching in protest when she pulled away from him before he could deepen the kiss. "I'll put a pot of coffee on." She quietly said, snagging a shirt from her closest before escaping.

She left him standing with a confused expression marring his face and she forced herself to make the coffee, hating herself so ferociously, she wondered when there'd be a time it would stop. She fisted her hands on the counter and tried to calm her breathing, she had ruined everything with her self-doubt and yet, she was too afraid to keep reaching out to him when he would shut her out. It was a habit of his from the beginning of them, and at first, she had endured but now? Now she needed him to reach out and not just react. She cleared her throat and met him in the bathroom, reaching for her toothbrush, she knew he could see the tension boiling under her skin but she refused to waver. He offered her the toothpaste and she thanked him, brushing mechanically, "Are we going to talk about it?" He asked, sometime later as he watched her tie her hair back in a haphazard knot.

Knowing he hadn't met the night in his arms but rather the reason why she pushed him away she sighed, "The coffee should be ready." She was such a foolish coward.

Spike watched her go and released an annoyed sigh, "Cream?" He asked and she handed him a small bottle. She watched him from detached eyes and reminded herself that she'd have to throw the container out before she left to go hunt down Miller.

Addison sipped the bitterness down, letting the heat seep into her coldness. She watched him from the rim of her cup and wished she had the right words. "I'll be leaving tonight." She said, wishing he would get the hint and leave, get away now so she could rip herself to shreds in regret and remorse.

Spike stared at her, and she looked away refusing to try and understand what she saw in his eyes, "Tell me why you're pulling away and then I'll leave." He quietly ordered.

All she wanted was for him to go so she could use the coldness to find Miller: nothing else mattered. "I can't do this anymore, Spike." She said, making sure not to use his name.

He raised a sardonic brow: "I think it's too late to push me away, Addison. Not after last night. You made your choices; you can't decide when to end this. You need to stop trying to write us off." His whiskey voice hardened in anger.

She shook her head and threw the rest of the coffee down the sink, her stomach churning, "I don't know how you feel about us, I don't like this doubt." She quietly confessed.

"And I'm tired of you constantly pushing me away every time you feel like it. You can't control us, Addison." He angrily said, his fear of losing her almost choking him.

She swallowed past the rising emotions: she had to deal later, "Is this how its going to be? We're just going to attack each other?" She asked, her own anger rising. "Fine, I guess it's my turn now. I'm tired of always being the one to make the first move: I kept pushing you to have an us and you kept pushing me away."

"We're an us now." He snapped.

She frowned, "I'm not so sure I like us." She knew it was a cheap shot and it was the worst lie she had ever told but she just needed some time to lick her wounds. And this was the only way, or at least she thought, "I want you to leave now, Spike." She quietly said. Despite the crushing waves of remorse, self-loathing, and pain: she tried to focus on Miller. He was now her buoy amidst the overwhelming blue.

He shook his head, "I can't believe you're giving up that easily." He commented. She opened her mouth, though she had no words to say, "What do _you_ want Addison?"

"I want to know how you feel about me, I don't want to be the only one that makes the move." She ran a hand over her eyes, furious with her self, "I don't know what I want." She muttered.

"When you do, tell me." He said remotely, "I think it's best I leave now."

She stared at him, his voice so cold and isolated, it hurt more than the biting words or cutting looks, "I think so too." It pained her to lie but she followed him as he packed his bag and left the apartment, not even slamming the door after him. She grabbed a nearby lamp and threw it at the wall besides the wooden door, needing to see the chaos of destruction to relieve her of the pain. The quiet snipping sound of the door closing was louder and more malicious than any loud slamming could ever achieve and though she would regret such a show of rage, it felt slightly vindicating to watch the lamp shatter against the wall.

She stood there until the sun was high in the sky, staring in desolation at the small pieces before a shuddering sob overtook her. At first it had been silent tears but now she fell to her knees and wept in regret. She couldn't breathe, couldn't even think: all she knew was the big mistake in ruining the best thing that had ever happened to her. She had been hurt last night when he hadn't told her how he felt and she had used his lapse in silence as evidence in her false crusade against him. She had fallen asleep wanting blood and this morning she had fought until they both had bled.

She roused herself from the darkness some time later and forced herself to her feet, wavering for a second before righting herself and went to pick up the broken glass. Her intercom rang and she forced herself to press the button, not even caring to ask who had rung her. If it was her contact or Miller, nothing mattered anymore. She cupped her palm and dropped jagged shards of glass in her hand, the door still unlocked from when Mike had left. Her breath shuddered, a chasm going through her body at the mere thought of his name and her hand tightened over the glass shards until all she felt was the white slashing pain clearing her of the remorse so deep, it threatened to suck her in whole any minute. She winced and slowly opened her palm, seeing the shards of white porcelain become tainted from her blood and she watched in detached calm as the blood began to pool. The coldness had finally taken over, the same quiet that always threatened to suffocate her since she had began sniping in the military: the only time it had rested at bay was in his presence.

She vaguely heard the door open to her apartment and feet shuffling, "Adds? Oh, god, Adds." Her contact, Suits, bent towards her and cursed under his breath, cradling her bloodied hand in his two bigger ones, "come on darling, we'll get you fixed up." He glanced around and nodded, knowing that something must have hurt her so badly that she finally fell back into herself. He slowly helped her to the sink, picking pieces of glass from her hand, wincing for her when she didn't even bat an eye. He had only ever seen her go this cold before and it was something he had hoped would change upon coming back to Toronto. "Do you have a first aid kit, Adds?" He asked gently, cursing he hadn't come sooner. But when he had read her new email, he had packed as fast as he could and headed on a plane to her: if he were honest, he had missed her. The team had missed her but he had felt bereft, he had grieved for her. Regardless of the weekly emails they sent each other, when she had left, he had lost his best friend and sister. But he had vowed to himself that he would try harder to remain connected with her and now that he was in a serious relationship with a lawyer whose family was still in Toronto: there were opportunities for change. He shook his head and held her hand under a stream of cold water: he was planning on proposing to his lawyer back home and would slowly broach the subject of relocation. BC just didn't have the same appeal it once had. He reached over and riffled through the cabinets and cursed, "How can you not have anything? Damn it, Adds. I could rip off your hide for this." He snagged a clean towel nearby and examined her hand, "It won't need stiches." He said more to himself that anything. He didn't wait any longer and ripped her into his arms, trying to tell himself that she was fine.

Addison blinked, the warmth of someone holding her seeping into her marrow and she shivered, "Suits?" She asked, recognising his smell. He had been the only person she had thought about when planning Miller's takedown and though it would be dangerous, she trusted him explicitly.

"Hey, Adds, welcome back." He said pulling her towards the couch, spying a very rumpled bed and raised a brow: maybe he shouldn't have worried so much about his Adds but then where the hell was the mystery man when Adds fell to pieces? Was he the reason why she had cut herself off? His hands fisted in anger and retribution but he used gentle hands as he helped her take a seat.

She shook her head and forced herself back into her body and found herself to be sitting on Suits lap, her hand cradling in his and damn it, "That shit hurts." She cursed, glaring at him when he threw his head back and laughed.

"Oh, I missed you, Adds." He hugged her briefly and shrugged unapologetically, "Of course it hurts, you thought it'd be a damn good idea to crush glass."

She smiled at his perturbed tone and knew no amount of soothing would ease his frowns, "You got here in record time." She threw an arm around his shoulders and kissed his cheek.

"Any sooner and I think I'd have walked in on something." He _subtlety_ commented.

She glanced down and realised all she was wearing was a damn shirt that barely covered her butt and she still smelled of Spike, "Suits…I—"

"Shh, he'll come back, Adds." He soothed and when the bastard did, he would teach the boy a few things about protecting his Adds.

She shook her head, "I don't think he will. I screwed up."

He pulled her closer to him and rocked her, "I guess its time for us to go finish things then."

If Addison had ever doubted Suits, she was once again astounded by how much she loved him: the man was a joker but he always came through for her. She nodded knowing he'd poke and prod her until she told him about Mike but he also knew she wasn't ready yet.


	33. Land of Smog and Mistakes

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it. _

_I tried to make this chapter splotchy and very vague about the plans on Miller. __Also__, this chapter is slightly a doozy and I must warn you, this may or may not alienate you as a reader. Hopefully, you understand her motivation. _

_I don't think I can ever stress this enough but I'll say it again and risk sounding like a broken record: Thank you. Thank you for reading, for reviewing, for being there every step of the way. I have met so many of you and though I may or may not be writing any new fanfiction in the foreseeable future, I'll be on fictionpress under the pseudonym __**strawberry-cactus**__. I would love to see all of you there. But if not, I just want to say how big of a difference you have made my life (I know, it sounds terribly sentimental, right?) but it's true. If it weren't for you, I would have NEVER have finished this story, and I would never start any other stories either. So know that when I say thank you, I mean it more than I have ever meant it in the past. Thank you._

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><p><em><strong>O<strong>__ur greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.__ — __Ralph Waldo Emerson_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

**Land of Smog and Mistakes**

"Okay, so what if we—" Suits asked over a mouthful of his burger.

She glanced at him and despite the meticulous planning, she shook her head, "I still can't understand that a respectable lawyer would ever willingly enter a serious relationship with you." She quipped.

He grinned and shrugged, "Maybe I'll be your next door neighbour." She sighed: it had been two days since he had told her about Laura, about his fears of commitment, and about relocating. She had responded with complete confidence, she knew him, and if it was something he was passionate about: he'd be brilliant, and everything would work out. In turn, she had told him every jilted detail and after tears, shouts, and things being thrown, it had been cathartic. And after confessing, she realised that she had made one of the biggest mistakes of her life. She had let the one greatest thing go.

Two days since she had forced Spike to leave. Two days since she had felt glorious, so alive but now, she was just getting by. They had packed up her things and both had left, setting their plan into motion. They had sequestered a motel room and planned, planned until their eyes almost bled. And each time when one of them would deign the plan perfect, the other would rip it to shreds and demand it redone. She ripped another sheet from the legal pad and threw the crumpled reject aside, catching Suits watching her, "What?" She asked self-consciously.

He shrugged, "You said Toronto had broken you but I don't see a broken woman. I see a fighter and you aren't a cry baby." He commented going back to his own legal pad and scribbling a few things down.

She stared at him and nodded: he was too damn sweet and way too astute. She pushed away from the table and stood behind him, wrapping her arms around him in a quick hug, "thank you." She said quietly, kissing him on his neck and left him to go shower.

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"Are you sure Adds?" He asked glancing over to her as she meticulously packed a black duffel.

She nodded, "I just want to get this over with."

He sighed, "You can go to jail—"

She shrugged and zipped up her black hoodie. "Then so be it."

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"Are you sure its going to work?" She asked the first flickers of doubt burning in her eyes.

He caught her hand and squeezed, "Doubt yourself and he'll know. Ready?"

She straightened her shoulders, "As I'll ever be."

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"Ready?" She heard Suits voice buzz in her ear and she forced herself not to react, not to fix her hair or flinch. "Win that Oscar, Adds."

She walked into the warehouse, in nondescript clothing, her hands by her sides and found Miller standing in the middle of the empty space. "Didn't think you'd come." She called out.

He shrugged and she was close enough to see the glint in his eyes: she got satisfaction knowing she had beat him in the last round and he was trying to act nonchalant. But she wasn't fooled she could see the rage threatening to boil over. Her and Suits had planned things so meticulously that Miller's narcissism and curiosity couldn't refuse. Plus, she had an inkling that Miller was too hungry for her to fall than to care about his own wellbeing. "Was certainly surprised to hear your invitation and more than a wee bit disappointed that you survived."

She clucked her tongue, "That's not very polite now is it, Trevor?"

"_Be careful Adds."_

Miller stared at her, "I was never known for my manners."

She smiled, forcing herself to relax despite the screaming of her nerves, "Well, thank you all the same."

"It's nice to see you looking so spry." He commented.

She took another step towards him, before the explosion, she would have been afraid of the viper striking out but now she was bloodthirsty enough and the cold still lingered near enough that she wanted him to give her an excuse. She shrugged, "I didn't feel like dying just yet."

He laughed before his face drained devoid of any humanity, "People die all the time, Addison." He finished in a near shout before coming back to himself, fixing his lapels on his jacket.

She shrugged knowing her nonchalance would kill him slowly, "It burns you to know that I won, doesn't it?"

"You won the last round, I'll give you that. But you should know, I'm getting tired of watching you breathe." Miller said checking his nails for dirt.

Addison ignored the shiver that slithered down her spine and forced herself to take another step closer to him. Now, only five steps distanced them and she knew it was more than she needed, "Well, its just the same, I'm getting tired of you living."

He shook his head, "You haven't won and you won't win."

She felt a sincere smile grace her face, "I think I already did." She shoved the needle that she had slid down her wrist into his neck and pushed down, ignoring his feeble attempts at swiping and grappling away from her. She pulled the syringe back and dropped it, not bothering about evidence anymore. She watched in cold detachment as he fell and lay there, unblinking: did she get satisfaction seeing the panic in his eyes? She had thought she'd gain more happiness but she didn't. His panic and his impending death didn't soothe her ravaged nerves; she was starting to think nothing ever did.

Addison stared down at his unmoving body, "It's a bitch, isn't it Miller?" She crouched by his head pulling the earpiece from her ear and turning it off. Suits would be pissed but regardless of him helping her, she didn't want to stain him with the end of the game. "Knowing you can feel everything and know what's happening but you're paralysed. Just like your victims, its justice." She shrugged, pulling out a small detonator: what she was going to do would stain her forever, would allow the coldness to seep deeper into her humanity but she had to. She couldn't allow Miller to go back to jail and know that he could escape or bribe the judges to let him back out. She shook her head; it no longer was an option. She thought of all of his victims, burned so irrevocably that even forensic anthropologists hadn't been able to discern the bones. She thought of the videotapes she had forced herself to watch of two of his victims, screaming for help and clawing at the walls until their fingertips shredded: knowing no one would be able to save them. Before joining the SRU, she had been allowed to play the judge, jury, and executioner and though it had been a while, it was discomforting to know the skin felt so right.

"See, if it was just me back in BC, I wouldn't care if we played this game forever. It is quite amusing." She bitterly added, "But you made a tactical error. You hurt my family." She whispered darkness seeping into her words, "You can hurt me all you want but you made my family stand by and watch helplessly as I fought to live. I'm not doing any of this for me, I'm doing this for the victim's families and my family." She wanted to pluck his flickering eyes out, wanted to cut him into a millions of pieces until she felt the coldness dissipate from her marrow. But she forced herself not to, she would be changed by this and she didn't want to stoop to his level of inhumanity because she was bloodthirsty. She watched the sweat pool on his forehead, soaking his hair: it was like being buried alive, a doctor had once told her about the drug. His body incapable of movement: being buried alive but fully conscious and aware.

She stared down at him, making sure there were no other options. Her and Suits' planning had been meticulous but still, she didn't want to take that one step closer to what he was. If she let him go now, it would only be a matter of time before he came back; stronger, angrier and she honestly didn't think she'd survive if there were a next time. She barely had made it out alive the last round already. He would come back and do everything in his power to bring her and everyone she loved down. He also had money backing him: if he had gotten released from prison with an airtight case and verdict previously, there was no way in hell she could make the charges stick this time around either. She was stuck between her morality and her need to protect everyone hurt by his hand. She had no business doing what she had planned; no one had business playing the executioner. Addison fought hard against the binds of her life, she almost wanted to call in a few agents at CSIS but she knew. She knew in the way the wind echoed through the desolate warehouse, the way her blood swam through her veins that he would never rest until she fell. It was by necessity alone that allowed her to continue with the plan.

She sighed, "Well, it has been nice and fun while it lasted, Mills. I'll see you around."

Addison stood and walked out, turning her earpiece back in and turning it on, _"Damn it, Adds." _

She walked towards the road, it taking longer than she anticipated. She hadn't realised it being a long trek from the main road to the warehouse but with proper calculations, any one outside of the hot zone would be perfectly safe. "Ready?" Suits asked once she buckled herself into the passenger seat of the car he was waiting for her in.

Addison glanced at him, no judgement or anger present and yet, he still offered her an out. She squeezed his hands and pulled out the detonator, "Let's go home." She said, pushing down on the red button as Suits sped onto the gravel road.

They felt a silent shockwave sweep into the air and Suits glanced back once before nodding, "Remind me never to piss off a bomb specialist." She hadn't bothered looking back: everything that mattered was now in front of her.

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Addison reached into the trunk of the rental and pulled out one of Suits many duffel bags, "I'll miss you." She said walking alongside her chosen brother into the airport awash with bustling people. She shook off the cold detachment she felt swimming in her veins; they had no idea that she had just killed a man in cold blood.

"I'll be back once I beg my woman to put me out of my misery." He joked. At this point, he had no qualms about what he and Adds had done. What she needed the most now was support and damned if it didn't kill him to be sent packing: they hadn't even stopped the car for lunch.

She helped him check-in, feeling bittersweet but she shook it all off. She'd see Suits again and if he wanted to move to Toronto and start a new life away from the violence, she'd more than gladly support him. "Well, I'll see you when you visit." She said not wishing to ever say goodbye to him. He smiled down at her as if he was trying to memorise every detail and she grinned, "Buy her chocolates and she'll never be able to refuse." He laughed and hugged her fiercely and left. She watched him walk away from her, ignoring the bustle of the airport and sighed. She was alone because of her own doing and damned if she was going to sit idly by anymore and let everyone think she'd given up. She was going to fight for her choices and she was going to fight for her and Spike's future.

Suits had assured her that there was still time to fix her mistakes and she just hoped that he was right. She left the air-conditioned building and made her way to her rental and drove to retrieve her car. She stopped near a gas station and grabbed the new mobile she had bought to bait Miller with and smashed it on the ground, picking the shards and pieces of the plastic and throwing it in the garbage bin. She got back into the rental and drove the last few miles and exchanged the car back with hers, moving mechanically through the routine. It wasn't the first time she had used the same setup but it was tried and true and why would she mess around with that? She glanced at the clock, by the time she drove to HQ and handed her already written report into Brent, they would know about Miller dying in a bomb accident. It was a thin lie and she knew others would be suspicious but she had enough hard evidence contrived that they had no way of tying her to his death. She also had something she hadn't mentioned to Suits: she had leverage. With the things she'd seen and done in CSIS, they couldn't touch her.

Addison parked her car outside the unassuming CSIS building and reached into her bag and pulled out her report. Her and Suits had spent two days re-writing the damned report until it was the epitome of perfection. She walked into the building, and destroyed the small nostalgic sensation trying to bloom in her blood and gave her name to security. They nodded her through and she passed under the metal detector and nodded her thanks to the balding security guard. She followed the stream of people into the elevator and tried not to twitch, she wanted to get this over with but she had to be careful. Brent knew a few of her secrets and which buttons to press and now that he was the chief, she had to walk on eggshells.

She entered the unit's floor and glanced around frowning, working in ops and gathering information wasn't a career that allowed one to grow older and only the young thrived but damn it, she hadn't expected all new faces. Brent must have cleaned house before accepting the job, which made her warier. She passed by offices, ignoring the speculative glances shot her way and found Brent's office, his door closed. She snorted, she wasn't going to respect him because of his position: in the past she had respected him because of their close work relationship. But now, things had changed. She grasped the doorknob and opened the door, feeling a moment of elation when she spied his very shocked and surprised face glance up before the emotion receded and a bland look overtook his features.

"Bennett." He said coldly.

Addison entered the office, leaving the door wide open and nodded to him, "I'm sure you've heard about Miller."

He leaned back in his chair and scrutinised her, "It's a sad business when a bomber dies in his own bomb." He commented, his eyes unwavering.

She shrugged, "Bombs are volatile and despite experience, bombers have a high mortality rate." She pointed out.

They stared at each other for a full four minutes before Brent sighed, tearing his eyes away from their staring contest, "Just as well. Report?"

She handed him the dossier and waited for him to scan through it, "Your writing is cleaner. Good job." He closed it and set it near his elbow and pulled out a different dossier from his desk, "Here is the new case and your badge." He said, handing her both.

She stared down at his offerings and pulled out a newly written resignation letter: they still hadn't accepted her old resignation and she'd die before coming back here. She placed it on top of his offerings and nodded to him, "You know I can't accept that." She wasn't given a choice, he had simply assumed and ran with it. But she refused. She didn't want to kill anyone anymore. She was past spying and politically motivated killings. She wanted to go back to the SRU and try saving people for a change. Maybe if she saved enough people, the stain of taking people's lives would lighten.

"Don't do this, Bennett." He warned.

"Have a nice life." She said walking out. She left the allure she had once thought this place had held, leaving her past behind was one of the most cathartic thing she had ever done. But for her to move forward and have a life, she had to let go of the past: so she had killed people and others had died because of the things she had done at CSIS and in the military, but she refused to let it shape her future.

She rubbed a hand over her heart and ignored the burning: she missed Spike. The way he smelled and tasted, the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, and the feeling of falling asleep in his arms. Addison drove towards HQ, letting her mind wander, so what Spike hadn't said anything after she confessed her love for him. She truly loved him and she had made a mistake: she had tried to change him. She shook her head in self-disgust; she should have just accepted him and maybe threw something at him. Yeah, throwing a pillow at him would have fed her anger, "Damn it." She cursed, growing angrier with herself as the minutes passed. She had screwed up so irreparable that she hoped Spike wouldn't hate her too much.


	34. A Place to Call Their Own

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Flashpoint or anything you recognize from it._

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><p><em><strong>L<strong>__ove has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.__ — __Kahlil Gibran_

_Please enjoy and __**Please Review!**_

**Chapter Thirty-Four**

**A Place to Call Their Own**

Addison pushed open the doors and walked into HQ, her heart falling when she glanced over to the lockers and noticed no one loitering around. She had gotten so used to seeing one of them around that when she found it deserted, she grew more than worried. She sighed and dejectedly walked towards Parker's office, "Addison?" She heard behind her and turned on her heels, her heart pounding a screaming crescendo.

Ed stood a few feet away a mile-wide frown marring his face, his arms crossed over his chest, "I heard about Miller, are you okay?" He asked.

She swallowed her guilt and nodded, not even realising she had crossed the distance and was already in his arms, hugging him tightly, "Ed—" She bit her tongue, she loved Ed like a father but she wouldn't ask him to carry her secret around with him. He mantled so much; she wouldn't let him carry this. "I missed you."

He kissed her forehead, "Glad you're back, Addie."

"Where is everyone?" She asked shoving her hands awkwardly in her pockets. She wanted to see them so much she itched for it.

He shrugged and glanced around as well, rolling his eyes, "They're like children. Someone brought some popsicles in and they're probably fighting over the box."

She grinned and nodded, "Save me the purple one?"

"Always." He said with a smirk, shoving her towards Parker's office. She knocked hesitantly and opened the door hearing Parker's voice call out.

She stuck her head in and smiled with him, "Hi, boss."

He motioned for her to have a seat and she closed the door gently before sitting down, "So…Miller." He said, staring at her intently.

She sighed and leaned back in the chair, crossing her legs: Parker had enough on his shoulders that she would never willingly tell him what she had done. But the way he was looking at her, she hedged a bet that he knew, "Well, bombs aren't the safest, it was bound to happen sooner or later." She explained with a little shrug.

He stared at her before nodding, "Well, let the records show that you didn't learn it from us." He said with a small smile and she threw a glare his way. Since coming to the SRU in Toronto, Ed and Parker had ribbed her incessantly about her 'cowboy' ways and not learning any of the rule-breakers from them.

She rolled her eyes and laughed, unable to hold back her mock irritation, "When can I come back?"

It was his turn to be reticent and she worried if Miller's death would be held against her, "How are you healing?" He asked squinting at her.

She shrugged, "Can't even feel a thing." And despite being so excited about coming back to work, she wasn't even telling a lie.

He nodded, "Well, come back on Monday and you can take it slow with just training."

"Boss." She groaned.

Parker grinned, "Now get out of my office and say hi to everyone." Addison exaggerated a sigh and got up, "Oh and Addie?"

She glanced over her shoulder to stare at him, "Yes, boss?"

"Tell Spike to come back on Monday as well." He said his attention riveted in the open dossier on his desk.

She swallowed, forcing herself not to react, "Boss?"

He shrugged, reaching for his pen, "I gave Spike the day off but just tell him to take the rest of the weekend off."

"Uh, okay." She said too afraid to make a run for it. She stared at him for a good minute before grasping the doorknob, "See you on Monday, sir."

"Addie?" He called out, her foot just past the threshold into freedom. Damn it, she was almost free.

She relaxed her tense shoulders, "Yes, boss?"

"Keep it under wraps okay? I don't want the higher ups to know, they'll rip this team apart." He commented dismissing her and began scribbling.

She swallowed and left, he knew. She closed the door gently behind her, too shocked to move. Parker knew! All this time her and Spike had kept things discreet and the old bard knew. She started laughing, unable to stop even when her ribs protested: Parker was a tricky man.

"What's so funny?" Sam asked sauntering over to her. He stared at her suspiciously, she had been gone for a while and the first thing she does when back is laugh? Maybe she had gone crazy. "Are you okay?" He asked wondering if he should take her back to the hospital. He reached over and touched her forehead like he had done so many times to his younger sister and frowned harder, no fever…maybe she had cracked. He cursed inwardly; he knew she shouldn't have gone off by herself without him. Damn it, it was his job to be there for her and now she had gone completely crazy and it was his entire fault.

She wiped her eyes and grinned at him, "I think I'm losing it." She shook her head when he paled and hugged him, "Missed you."

He grinned and lightly punched her on the arm, "Yeah?"

Addison nodded, "I'll be back Monday and get ready to have all your records broken. Again."

Sam smiled, "Pfft, I just broke a new one today."

She rolled her eyes, "Of course you did." Maybe she should tie his shoelaces before he went through the obstacle course.

"You know, I think I'm jealous." Wordy called out, a towel around his neck and a light sheen of sweat covering him.

"See you around?" She asked Sam.

He nodded, "Damn straight you will."

She sauntered over to Wordy slowly, knowing it would annoy him that she hadn't run towards him. "Hey, Wordy." She grinned at his frown.

"Not excited to see me?" He asked shaking his head, "you've been gone so long you don't even remember me."

Addison bit back a smile, "You're right…you _are_ Wordy right?" She asked squinting at him.

He raised a brow, "Don't tease me, I'm a sensitive man."

She bit her lip, "_A sensitive man_? Really?" She mocked stepping farther away from him.

He stared at her and took a step towards her; "I guess it's not safe to share anything with you anymore. It's just not a safe place."

Addison broke, she tried so hard to hold back the laughter but seeing Wordy's mocking torment, she had fallen apart, "Ah, I missed your face." She laughed, a huge grin marring her face.

He gave her a weird look, "Come here and give me a hug."

She shook her head and took another step back, "No, you're all sweaty and smelly." She made a disgusted face.

"Shh, just come." He opened his arms.

"No." She laughed when he swooped in and pulled her into his sweaty arms and she struggled, "Let me go. This is against the law. You're assaulting an officer."

"May I be of assistance, officer Bennett?" Ed asked stepping out from the training room.

Addison nodded and reached towards a frowning Ed, "Please save me."

Wordy tightened his hold on the cargo and stared at Ed, quickly wondering if the other man would pay a ransom, "Did you know she's ticklish?"

Ed wiped his brow with the towel and threw it back on his shoulder, "Is she really?" He asked Wordy and Addison began to struggle even more.

"No, I'm going to smell like you…you're both too sweaty, its nasty." She pleaded shaking her head as Ed advanced.

She screamed in laughter as Ed began his tickling assault, her pleas not taken seriously because she kept laughing. When she got out of this, she was going to buy a baseball bat and make sure they could never torture her again. How unprofessional was it that they were both tickling an SRU officer in the middle of HQ? But for once, she didn't even care. She didn't know how long both of them tortured her for but she finally got her reprieve when Ed grunted and stumbled away from her, Jules on his back, "That's not a proper welcome back!" Jules shouted into Ed's ear, "Run, Addie!"

Addison stomped on Wordy's foot, not even feeling a second of remorse and ran towards the women's changing room, Jules hot on her heels. Addison thanked her lucky stars she had a set of clean clothes in the locker because she was freaking out just thinking about all the sweat her clothes absorbed. "So you're back for good now?" Jules asked watching Addison move around the changing room. She couldn't help but grin when her friend had a slight panic attack when she glanced in the mirror at the sweat stains that weren't even hers.

Addison stripped her shirt off and sighed, staring at the tiled showers in the annexed part of their changing room, "I'm back for good." She had wanted to throw herself in Jules' arms and confess everything, to break down just for a little while. But she couldn't…she wouldn't allow herself the option. She had done the unthinkable and it was just another stain that she would have to mantle. She knew Jules could handle the weight of what she carried but she refused to let her stain ruddy Jules' sunny disposition.

Jules sat down on the bench and waited for her friend to finish her shower: there was something different with Addie. She felt different, like she was holding something away from them. Jules leaned her elbows on her knees, staring at her clasped hands. Addison may not tell any of the men with their sense of duty and law and Addie may not even tell her because out of everyone on the team: she had never doubted right or wrong. She sighed, Addie would never tell her what it had cost her to come back to them. She watched her friend step out of the shower, clad in a towel, "Is he gone for good?" She asked quietly.

Addison swallowed and schooled her thoughts from her features, "Miller? Yeah, he won't be bothering us again."

Jules nodded, just as she suspected. Maybe she suspected that it had cost Addie a lot and maybe one day she'd finally understand how much it had taken out of her friend to be pushed to the extremes. Hopefully one day, she'd fully be able to comprehend the magnitude of the mantles Addie carried on her shoulders. But there was no room for judgement or uncertainty, rage or sadness that her friend had taken a life. Sam had told her once in bed when they quietly held each other, that for every kill he was forced to do, for every life he had to take, it changed him. She had a feeling it was the same with her friend. "I'm sorry."

Addison glanced over her shoulder at her friend, trying not to succumb to the rolling in her gut, the nervous fluttering of impending tears, "For what?" She asked not wanting to understand that her best friend knew and it would be any moment before she would be cast aside. It wasn't every day someone murdered another living person and regardless of how much she could justify things, she had murdered. And she doubted she'd ever be able to sleep again.

"For what you had to do." Jules quietly said.

She swallowed past the lump in her throat, "Jules—"

"You're free now, Addie. I know its…it should never have been this way." She began, noting the way her friend's shoulders slumped and she forged forwards, trying to ease the pain from her friend, "The system should have never let things get this far, and he should never have been released. And you should have never had to…do what had to be done because he wouldn't ever have been your problem." She quietly said and sauntered to her friend.

Addison nodded, "I'm sorry Jules."

Jules reached out and shook her friend slightly, "Damn him, Addie! You're absolved, okay?" She snapped, hugging Addison tightly.

Addison wrapped her arms around her friend, humbled and grateful beyond words that her knees buckled, she didn't know how much she had needed to hear that from someone in her life. Sure, Suits hadn't thought much wrong with Miller dying; in fact, Suits thought it was the only way and the best way for everyone to move on. The world didn't need another Miller, he had said and though she agreed, it should never have even been her choice to make. "Jules…I love you man." She said and Jules chortled with laughter.

"I love you too bud."

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Addison stared at her apartment door and waited. She didn't know what she was waiting for; there was no one there for her anymore. Suits had left and Mike…she shuddered. She had screwed up royally but she had survived without him…she just had to teach herself to do so again. She unlocked the door and stepped inside, realising it was too late for her to react, too late to reach for her gun in her black duffel.

She glanced around and swallowed, wishing she had a weapon against the intruder: and then she stopped breathing when she recognised the pair of rocket slippers by the door. She glanced around and realised that it wasn't a thief stealing her stuff because there were so many things in her apartment that weren't her own. From the stack of movies on her TV, to a few very masculine things thrown around her place, she dropped her duffel and stood dumbstruck.

Addison inhaled and closed her eyes, her heart painfully beating in her chest; it smelt of the grass after a thunderstorm…it smelt of Mike. She shook her head, surely she was daydreaming…right? She opened her eyes and died, seeing Mike leaning against her bedroom's doorjamb, "Hi." She huskily said, trying to breathe against the pain and the joy. She was so confused and it must have shown because the next thing she knew, Mike grinned.

"I was just cleaning up…Jules called me." He explained. In fact, Jules had not only told him she was coming home, she had also told him about Miller. And though he knew it tore Addison up inside, he couldn't have been prouder or happier. At least now they had a future unfettered together.

She nodded and glanced down at his slippers by her fallen duffel, "Mike…I—"

He shook his head but remained standing across the room, "I made a few mistakes in my life, Addison but the biggest one I ever did was not tell you how I felt." He watched the sheen in her eyes grow before continuing; "You told me that you loved me…when you were holed up in the bathroom." He mentioned, refusing to say when she had almost died by bombs: he had a feeling it would take fifty years with her by his side before he could even fathom how close he had been to losing her that day.

Addison nodded, now wasn't the time for shy or coyness: it was all or nothing, "Yes…I—" She swallowed and tried again, having never said the words to another person in that context and meaning it more than she had ever thought possible. "I love you Mike."

He nodded, "Damn straight you do." His arrogance was astounding but despite his words, his eyes spoke to her and told her he was humbled by her gift to him. "I've decided that its high time I make the decisions, at least for a while." He mended, knowing her independence ran too deep. But he knew it was about compromise and so did she.

She stared blankly at him, "I don't understand." She muttered dumbly.

"I moved in, at least for a while before we decide how big we want our house to be." He quietly said.

She swallowed and ignored the silent tears, "Mike…are you sure?"

This time, Mike did push away from the jamb and walk towards her, his eyes never once wavering from hers, "I love you, Addie. I want forever with you. But we're going to do things right."

She shook her head and smiled when he scowled, "There was never anything wrong with the way we did things." She quietly said and walked into his arms. But pulled back when she remembered something, "Mike…about Miller." If she didn't tell him, she could never move forward without coming clean.

"It was either going to be you or him and I'm damn glad it was him." Mike retorted into her hair.

She closed her eyes in acceptance and burrowed deeper into his embrace, letting the guilt ease from her. When she was with Mike, the coldness of the silence ebbed, the screaming and the weight she carried around with her disappeared and once again, she thanked her luck that she had found him. It would be a while before she came back to herself again but she had no doubts that she _would_ return. Growing up, all she had ever wanted to do was leave the hell that was Toronto and she had. She had made a place for herself amongst the ranks in the army and in CSIS before thinking Vancouver would be her settling down spot. But how foolish she had been.

Nothing had ever been her home because it was only now that she realised: buildings and places wouldn't make something a home but people did. And finally, with the team as her family, Suits impending move to join her and with Mike wrapped around her, she finally understood that they were her home. Amidst the violence, she had found much more than she had bargained for, more than she had ever thought would be possible and more than she could have ever fathomed. She had found love.


End file.
